i've been seeing this girl for a little more than two months and things are getting pretty serious already. we met each other's parents, met each other's friends, changed fb status, talked about plans for future and we're passing most of our time together. actually, i've been sleeping at her place for almost three weeks, since her parents travelled and she's home alone. we're bonding heavily.

one month ago, her ex bf joined facebook. she texted "welcoming him" to fb and saying she's missing him. kinda like someone would text a friend, yet...

he didn't gave her much attention. looks like he's not interested anymore.

she told me about it in the same day, telling me who he is. said they went back and forth for a long time but broke up some months earlier, he's dating and they are just friends now, but once he was the big love of her life. she said she would like to meet him some time to talk about each other's lifes. i of course didn't react well to it and said it was inappropriate. she got upset and said she regreted opening this up to me.

we had a big fight for other reasons later in the same day. she forgot her facebook logged in my laptop and i browsed through her messages. just found she had an old fuck buddy (i met him once and she introduced him to me as a "friend") who she had been teasing with since before we met. at that time there were two weeks since we agreed to be exclusive. they were still teasing with each other, although it didn't seem like they actually banged after she started dating with me. anyway, i got mad and broke up with her, told her to just leave and forget me. she didn't accept it, cried, begged me to not leave her, swore she never cheated on me, etc. she also said i was misunterstanding their interaction and there was never nothing physical between them (which i know it's a lie). she said that he was not important at all for her life anyway and if it was needed to keep me, she would break up contact with him completely.

since then, she did. i can attest.

we met next day to talk. moods still heavy. that's when i decided to set my boundaries. she said she was shocked i would give up on her so easily and she was scared. i said that, as long as i like her, my well being is my priority and i wouldn't accept this kind of drama in my life. that she could have as many fuck buddies as she wishes, but not when in a relationship with me. and i said it wouldn't be healthy for our relationship that she seeks contact with her exes. i said she needed to decide what she feels and what she wants, and if i'm not one to fullfill her romantic needs completely, it wouldn't work for me.

she complied and it has been smooth sailing from there. she doesn't bring this shit up anymore and she's always saying how much she loves me to me and to her friends. we're always together or searching ways to be together. we have sex almost every night (and she always cums... i guess).

then..... i woke up today in her house and got her laptop to check some emails. her facebook was logged in, so you know... i browsed through her messages like the sneaky bastard i am should do. i saw she sent a message yesterday to this same ex. the first message between them since our fight.

she just says "hi. i miss you."

how should i react?

Dude STOP checking her messages. Either you trust her and you don't check her messages or you don't and break up. Also I hate the ultimatum's you gave her, either you stop talking to them or we are through etc. It's completely ok to set boundaries but its not ok to try to control someone's life. You have only been with this girl for 2 months and it sounds like your still pretty young since she is living at home still. Either relax, enjoy yourself and show her that you are better than the ex's or breakup.

we're not too young. early 30's both.

i certainly have trust issues and i won't lie saying i'll pass the opportunity to check her messages when opportunity arises. that's it.

i never told her to stop talking to the fuck buddy, it was her idea. actually, the idea i was communicating when she said that was "there's nothing you can do, we're done".

and i never prohibited her to talk to the ex. but i said i was not ok with her trying to make plans to meet him. exes are past for me, i don't do the same and i know she'd be upset if i did.

anyway, i want to adress the issue of her initiating contact with him twice. i'd be alright with mundane conversation but "i miss you" is a bit too much. looks like a red flag to me. if i'm wrong, it's all good. if i'm right, i seek advice.

yea that's a red flag, since she want something from him, probably can't forget him, you see girls (guys also) don't tend to keep guys as friends if there is no use to them, some of them fuck buddies, some helping at studies, if you fuck her it doesn't mean she want you, best answer for her actions is why she want to keep him near her? can she use him somehow? probably not, therefore she opens options with him.
you can choose to dump her from the reasons above, but don't forget you didn't tell her that you don't want her to talk to him.
anyway, she just opening her options with her ex, again if you have problems, set another limits or dump her.

Demote her to fuck buddy.

Next time, respect people's privacy for your peace of mind, sanity and lesser drama in your life. Let the axe fall where it should fall. Life should be enjoyed as it should.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

i agree with you and this is why it gets complicated.

this seems to me like too small of a "mistake" to just dump her when we're already so invested (i know it's just two months but believe me, we're really really invested in each other). and she's behaving very well lately and trying to be the nicest person she can to me. i don't know, it wouldn't feel fair.

anyway, i see red flags all around - big list of past partners, some of them still trying to hit on her, this ex she can't get through, the fact she's extremely outgoing - which opens too many doors to my tastes... i just don't know.

i don't see us working as fuck buddies at this point. i either believe that her feelings for me are strong enough to turn her into gf material or i next her for good, which would suck.

Well, I guess you gotta hurt a little down the line so you'll learn your lessons firsthand-- the hard way.

Good luck.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

thank you guys for confirming my gut feeling
i hate you