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How did you get her attached and involved then? I can't figure out why my last two exes kept putting up with my indifference and if the current one who just told me to take a walk will do so or not

Hard to exactly say.
I cared, but never completely. I gave but with some restraint. I provided enough drama and tension to keep her from looking for it some other place. Made sure she knew I could have other options but was willingly not pursuing them (but she better be good or I might...). I have also provided her with lots of advice and slowly got myself into the "smart dude who knows it all and is gonna run your life" role.
I would summarize my recipe in this last relationship with "love her but not too much, become a survival requirement for her"
In my penultimate relationship I had been a total AFC, a hopeless doormat. I am even surprised she slept with me for 3 months when I think about it in retrospect! Maybe that helped.