Quote:
Ok, 2 questions, and id appreciate any help on my bad inner game here i guess.
I have been seeing a girl for 4 months now, who I asked out a few weeks ago and shes been my girl friend since.
I find that I'm the one who has to initiate everything, like ask her out somewhere, ask her round, suggest things etc... and I compliment her loads, tell her shes beautiful, cute etc... and i never get anything back.
I did think maybe shes just not into me as much as i am into her, but when we are out she buys me drinks, and she travelled 4 hours just to come and see me when i asked her if she wanted to stay over when i went away for a couple of weeks. so.... and when i surprise her I can tell by the cheeky cute grin on her face that she likes me, but she never expresses emotionally with words, or by texts, so i always think shes being off with me.
Anyone else had that problem? and what can I do about it? Or are some girls just like that?
Number 2: Some girl on her uni course, she has recently been spending a lot of time with, as she thought they were friends, and the girl kept asking her round and putting her in a position where she couldn't say no... anyway this girl came onto her and my girl friend put her straight. Ever since, I think my girl friend feels bad about it all, and has to balance seeing me and her out..... Which naturally is pissing me off, but shes living with this girl next year (as they planned to before she knew she had a crush on her).... so..... any advice?
thanks guys
She's getting validation from you with minimal effort. Why SHOULD she do anything extra? You've set the frame that she's the PRIZE (e.g. telling her she's beautiful, chasing her etc.), when she's really done nothing much to earn it. Remember, it's equally important she feels you're giving her some resistance; as with anything in life, if something comes too easy, we tend to value it a lot less.
I wouldn't necessarily freeze her out or anything, but I'd make myself less available to her, and cool it with all the compliments until she's earned them by winning your favor in some way. If you continually praise her this will only show that you're needy - you even said it yourself she's not giving you anything back hinting to me at least that you want some form of validation in return (not attractive at all).
She also knows that by being emotionally aloof with you, that you'll pursue harder which you have been (I'm quite certain you have been). Don't reward her for being closed up with you, that's not cool at all.
And with respect to her ditching you for her friend. She knows you'll be there and that you're so sprung that she can go about her business and you'll be waiting with baited breath. You need to put some doubt in her mind, and this will only come about by making yourself less available, not contacting her as much, and stopping with the compliments (UNLESS she's earned them with a behavior you want to reward).