Trust Issues because of our pasts! Help!!!



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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 9:45 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2011 5:31 pm
Posts: 62
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HER PAST

Don’t think about it. Don’t mention it. Don’t bring it up. Don’t hint towards it. Don’t reference it. Don’t even think about thinking about it. Her past is one of those things that are better left where they belong – the past. Thinking about a girl’s past can ONLY have negative consequences. It might make you feel insecure, confused, helpless, but it’ll never do any good. She might have been sleeping around with a couple of guys before you, but it shouldn’t cheapen your view of her. Guys are trained to think this way because society wants to turn us into beta males without balls. Remember, most things in society work endlessly to EMASCULATE us. Beta males think about if their girlfriends were slutty before, because they are insecure about their OWN image. If she cheats on YOU, then she’s gone. If she cheated on a chump before you, it might have been more his fault than hers. Girls very RARELY cheat on Alpha Males, and you’re an Alpha Male.

Now, make sure you don’t take this advice to the extreme. If she’s an ex-serial killer or has cheated on the last 6 out of 7 boyfriends she’s had, you should probably still stay away. But for the most part, you shouldn’t stick your nose into her past. It won’t do you any good. TRUST ME, it will be better for you to just ignore it. Sometimes your girlfriend may ask you “Does that bother you?” That’s a test to see how confident and secure you are in yourself. Girls always throw these types of tests at their boyfriends, without consciously realizing it. Don’t say “yes” and try and use it as leverage in your relationship, it might make her feel bad, but it’ll lower her interest level, and damage her self-esteem among other things. You want to keep her on the edge always feeling like she has to get your attention and please you, but you don’t to bring down your girlfriends self-esteem. Don’t make her feel like she’s completely validated, and don’t make her feel rejected. Keep her in limbo. The more experience you have, the more you’ll realize how true this is.

Lastly, you might feel like this is “bottling up” your feelings. That’s bitch talk for acting like a man and having control over your emotions. Beta males snoop around their girlfriends past because they have huge fragile egos and constantly feel the need to “possess.” Alpha males don’t have egos. Think about how her past DIRECTLY affects you, it usually doesn’t. It just affects your mind, and your emotions. You are an alpha male, and you have complete control over your mind and thoughts. You are able to discipline yourself and your emotions obey you, not the other way around.
If you take someone else's material it's appropriate to make note of it.

See:
http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2010/06/her-past/


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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 5:56 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:38 am
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If I were in your shoes that would have freaked me out a lot too. My girl didn't cheat..actually her ex-husband is the one that cheated and walked out on her. I think with me it was just that the trust and comfort level wasn't there yet as it was still so early in the relationship. We're close to the 6 month mark now and I think she can sense that I'm getting more comfortable with it because she's asking more and more. She jokingly called me a slut last night when I told her that in the past year I'd been with two other girls before her. Joking about it is a good thing so my mindset on the whole thing has improved and is definitely moving in the right direction.
More than freaked out, I was paranoid, and lost a lot of trust, which she noticed. But then after some help from the forums, I actually realized that if she told me all of that its because she trusts me and obviously is not planning to do it.
Its hard, at least for me, to trust a GF with a cheating past, I still have some trouble, when she tells me she's gonna sleep, I sometimes wonder "Is it true?" .. or if she actually goes somewhere else instead of school, this are all things that can get to you if you dont confront them, and I don't mean letting them fade away, but like Wolf said, eliminate them.
When I think about my gf's cheating past, I think about mine, because, man, I have done far worse things that her, but she has not asked me about them, though Im sure she knows. I guess she doesn't want the details.
I sometimes tell myself this :
"There's at least 5 girls that are willing to have sex with me, and I'm with her, but anytime, I can be with any of those" ... it works sometimes, at least helps me feel more secure. We're only going trough the 3rd month mark yet. I've always had a little insecurity problems, and they always kinda seem to fade away closer to the 5 months ... just let it flow.. but also, don't let your guard down ; )
Good info. Your 5 girls trick does seem like it would help. I kinda get what you mean when you say don't let your guard down, but would you care to elaborate a bit? Thanks man
More than a trick, its a "mindset" chose 5 girl friends, that you know would love to have sex with you. Or just keep in your mind " I can have any girl i want" I know its not easy sometimes, but try to.
When I say don't let my guard down, is.. hmm... don't let yourself so vulnerable, at least in my case the way I see it.
Guys say here, to not pay attention to her friends or guys hitting on her, that's true, but also, if you happen to see that she's stepping the line with someone.. like overly flirty, some flirting is allowed.. sometimes girls, even us do it without the intention of being flirty, its all a matter of interpretation, for me, what she was doing was flirty, for her it wasn't, but if you think she's going beyond the line, put a stop to it. That's what I mean by not letting your guard down. Only give her your 100% until you are 100% sure she can be trusted.


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