So I have been updating everyone on my relationship for a while. Enough of her side of the story because we've focused on that and essentially it's a wrong place wrong time scenario where she's younger than I am, and I am older, and our needs are very different and our expectations for the next five years are different. My own self-evaluation has been great for my own personal growth. I usually have everything under control but this last two-three months I've really self-imploded. Depression, lack of ambition, unhealthy focus on the relationship, etc. So I have dealt with many of these by focusing on my own life, enjoying who I am, and staying productive. However, a few remain. One is a trend to stop seeing myself as a sexual being during a relationship. Inevitably, I stop feeling sexual desire for my partner and the sexual connection fades. Yet, with other women I feel it and I immediately am able to jump into my former "gaming" self. I don't like to make this stark contrast but I feel that my relationships lose this "exciting" aspect where I feel smooth and capable of making a woman desire me. In some ways, I think my unhealthy focus on making myself desirable to my partner, which isn't something entirely under my control, begins to degrade my self-esteem. I've considered that I need to be filling that emotional vacuum myself, a long with other areas that I seem to seek from partners but don't fulfill myself. Has anyone else reignited their sexual perception of their partner? Somehow I feel I've focused on what I enjoy about her and it's made a strong bond between us but we're beginning to feel more like friends. I don't like that, and the trend is usually that when I begin to see it that way then she will soon too. For future reference, I would try to counter my natural tendency to begin to take the relationship in a seemingly platonic direction. However, I can't help but feel attracted to the comfort of a strong friendship with my partners. Is there a way to balance this so that there is more sexual attraction and connection between us while having emotional intimacy?

Maybe this relationship has run its course for you, do you still fine her sexually attractive?

It's common to lose that 'spark' after time, that same 'ole pussy day in and day out. If you have history of short term relationships that feeling tends to come earlier.

Or maybe it's something else that is ultimately fixable. if you can try to pinpoint why your feelings have changed, you can go from there and try to resolve this.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

That may be the most helpful perspective you've ever given me. Haha!

Yeah, I am working on it but I find that this may be an uphill battle turning this relationship back into a sexual relationship, and that's for both of us. I think it will require breaking what we have now to build the new. At least it feels like a pattern interrupt.

This was a lot clearer than the related posts. And I'm not always an asshole.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Asshole? Who said that?

And just like life always seems to do, she just sent me a picture of her in this leotard that is breathtakingly sexy. I immediately was taken back by it. On a second note, of course I joked around asking if she had bought it for me and was going to wear it for me, and she replied she bought it for herself, I asked if it was for dance, and she replied that it was also for life. Now I have mixed feelings on this because the leotard is a little scantily, and obviously no bra so her nipples shine through. I like that she has the confidence to wear it, and definitely she will get a lot of attention. I trust her so I don't really mind that, but in the back of my mind asks the question why she wants to wear something out that is so sexual? Attention, confidence boost...these seem obvious. Am I overthinking this?

It's funny how quickly she went from not hot to hot to wondering why she is wanting to be hot. Maybe it's her attempt to feel sexually attractive to me. She sent it to me after all. Plus who wouldn't buy an outfit they also wouldn't wear out?

Send her: "So many dirty thoughts today…you inspired them all "

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yeah because essentially I sent her that I couldn't imagine her in public with that because people will melt, and then that "you had me at no bra". Now, what I am running up against is all of a sudden I feel this very conservative voice coming forward. At first I felt very relaxed about the idea of her being attractive like this in public, and obviously proud that I have her while these goons drool, but then I started to hear myself thinking that the outfit was too slutty. Almost like I was slut shaming her. What gives? This isn't really how I think, but I think part of my began to wonder why she wants that kind of attention, and assumed maybe she wants the attention of men for diabolical reasons. Then again, I like to dress up and see girls looking at me, so why can't she? Any suggestions on how to shut this conservative voice up? I believe it stems from insecurity but it's a real buzz kill when I just got what I was wishing for.

Do you have strong friendships?

Yes I have had the same friends my whole life practically.

Now here's a question:
I've been somewhat frustrated with my girlfriend lately. She's now long-distance, and originally the idea was that I'd move in with her there. However, she wasn't as keen on that the last few months. I told her that I'd likely move there anyways for opportunity despite living together or it working out between us. She seemed to not mind that at all. Anyways, so her and I have been doing well long-distance, as we started our relationship this way. We seem happy, and everything. However, she's gun shy to discuss "future" things. For instance, she told me she no longer wants to live alone or that she was feeling lonely. Her best friend just turned her down to go live with her boyfriend in another country, which by the way, makes me feel second best. I alluded to the fact that I could live with her, and she said she was scared to commit to that and have me move down because she wasn't sure "where we are". We've had a rough last month to two months. That's another topic. Anyways, I suggested it's nice that she has her own space for herself and that if she is feeling lonely she should meet people and see them during the day. That way she has a place to go to to recover while she can also be social without having someone around 24/7. She seemed to agree, but I couldn't help but feel like she's beginning to consider me moving in now that her best friend is out of the picture. Quite frankly, she's got a furnished place and it'd make my transition easier as well if that was the case. So, lately her behavior has been a bit different. Several times now she stops replying to my texts late at night in order to write in her journal and so on. I've mentioned before she's asked for space. However, she texts me all the time now and we have a lot of fun and seem genuinely happy when we talk. Our connection is becoming stronger. Yet, I can't help but see red flags that I'm not sure whether are real or if they are just "pick up cues" that I've learned that are theoretical but not necessarily applicable to the situation. For example, yesterday on her drive home she stopped by a silent dance party and she described that a guy put his headphones on her and it had music and it was a dance party. She is going back again tonight. Then she ran into one of her guy dance friends she knew when she lived their previously. She said they will be hanging out more. I know I suggested she make friends, but for some reason I feel insecure about these situations. Only because I don't know where "we" are, and she seems to be emphasizing meeting new people. I don't really think that any foul play is happening right now but I've noticed a trend towards wanting to meet people. I'm not sure why I feel threatened other than I feel she might be holding onto me while trying to trade me in. I'm seeing her next week and we have a lot of fun things planned. She's vocalized she wants to come back to my state in September, and I am back down there in August. Also, another guy is coming to stay with her later this month. Once again I feel uneasy about this, even though he's a "friend". Mostly because they spend a lot of time together and I don't really like the casual touching and seemingly "dating" type of activities they do together. It seems more than platonic at times. The odd thing is my gut doesn't seem to be mistrusting her but my mind is running away with my imagination. I feel like at times I'm going nuts. Any perspective? I might be hyper-vigilant. I'm on the fence about this situation because I trust that she won't cheat, but I don't feel safe being in this situation where she's undecided on our relationship while I feel committed and she's going out of her way to meet new people, although given she is new to the state and probably wants friends.

I feel like part of me is connecting dots in ways that maybe aren't related.

Can't write a full reply and maybe I'm just reading this wrong.. But this sounds saddening and she's stringing you along.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the situation but there's no doubt that I feel that theres a lack of interest in me at times and also a need to keep me engaged.

Start talking to other girls, interest will pick up in the blink of an eye.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Thanks

Your gf has been telling you and showing you that she wants cock from new guys. Alot of this sounds like you're in denial. Younger.. Long distance and the tons of signs.. Come on.. Do you need to see the cock inside her to stop denying the signals you are getting? And I can't blame the girl because you're holding on for dear life. Stop holding the chick back. I don't even think you can get her interest back with this being long distance. You're in a long distance relationship with a chick who's not really into you... How does this end? If you gotta damn near beg your gf to move in with her... You sound like the over clingy gf. And with all the other shit..
Damn.. I feel bad for the chick because she prob thinks she's been giving you run signals and you're not taking them. You really think your gf in another state is buying a sexy dress for public for some reason NOT to get cock out there? A chick don't want you to live with her it's because she's not thinking long term with you. You're an older guy trying to change her to someone she's not. She's brought her problems up and you've just convinced her to stay together. So she prob can't even leave cause she knows she'll get a long conversation trying to change her mind

She's saying she hasn't been feeling turned on by me and it's a deal breaker if I can't fix it. She says she feels things got too comfortable and that bores her. She isn't very knowledgeable about what actually turns her on and She says she liked that I used to control her and situations and I was hard to get. That's what originally turned her on.

Just ran into some messages of hers by an open app on my computer saying that I was being annoying for saying that she was hit on by that guy because she was wearing scantily clothes (leotard I mentioned earlier with shorts) and then her friend asked if we would have sex when I come down next week and she said she didn't want to because she felt like it was kind of leading me on. I haven't said anything yet, as once again I am in the territory of being in her private zone. Yet I am pissed because she gave me this long rant about her not feeling it but it seems she is just getting ready to end it and doesn't want to make it harder on me. Wtf? Why let me come down there and spend money at all!?