Yes this....

Let it evolve on its own... and honestly you should be in the abundance mindset right now anyways. This chick is backing off and giving you the cold shoulder? Cool... You can find 10 other girls hotter, better sex, and who wont give you the cold shoulder and are ready for something that YOU are looking for.

Im not telling you to "NEXT" this girl... but you should come from the abundance mindset.

I don't think most people know what the "abundance mindset" looks like; it's an abstraction for most and you can't just will it. It would be helpful to flesh-out what that looks like, and I'll give you a hint as to what it has nothing to do with - 'bedding 10 girls hotter than your sex'.

She has developed intense emotions for you and now she's terrified you'll hurt her. You need to work on building a deep connection/bond with her.

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Her emotions are her responsibility, and if she's putting the brakes on things because she feels things are moving too fast, his "needing to work on building a deep connection/bond with her" will only drive her away more. It will be perceived as suffocating and infringing on her need to create space.

She has a need for space, most likely, and the kindest and most respectful thing he could do FOR her (if truly in fact this is what's going on - we can only speculate from the limited information given) is to give her that and allow her to come to him out of her own volition.

No. Properly building a deep connection/bond won't drive her away. The way most guys do it (needy wuss-bag behavior) will drive her away, yes.

If he gives her space she could perceive it as 'Oh, this guy is cutting me loose and has lost interest because I stopped having sex with him'.

I've dealt with women who go bat-shit crazy because they're overwhelmed with emotion. They hit the brakes and wonder, 'what is this guy doing to me'? They can't logically explain it and their strong emotion scares them because they don't want to get hurt. In turn they either ask to slow things down or they start acting a fool to cause problems in the relationship (using the word relationship in a broad sense). It's a form of self-sabotage.

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Ask the OP how that's working out for him. In spite of all of his 'connection-building' efforts, she's gone all but silent on him.

Instead of saying what he needs to do...why not say how to do it? How does he build a deep connection and emotional bond with a girl that is putting on the brakes? Why would she perceive him giving her space as him cutting her loose when she's the one asking for it?

As a secondary question, how do you know what these girls are thinking and why they're thinking it?

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If he gives her space she could perceive it as 'Oh, this guy is cutting me loose and has lost interest because I stopped having sex with him'.

I've dealt with women who go bat-shit crazy because they're overwhelmed with emotion. They hit the brakes and wonder, 'what is this guy doing to me'? They can't logically explain it and their strong emotion scares them because they don't want to get hurt. In turn they either ask to slow things down or they start acting a fool to cause problems in the relationship (using the word relationship in a broad sense). It's a form of self-sabotage.
I don't know if he's trying to build a connection with her now or not. If he is he's obviously not doing it correctly. Let's let him answer.

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Also if someone's becoming "terse" and clearly withdrawing, that is to protect one's self.

Connection is something that happens, or it doesn't. It starts with building rapport with that person, and the subsequent feelings of security that occur in the process.

"Building a connection" isn't something one can manufacture, particularly if the person feels exposed and recognizes they're becoming vulnerable too quickly. To further engage with them beyond what they're comfortable with at this point is a sure-fire way to have that person shut down completely, OR put them under duress to a make a decision out of fear. It is NOT for you to decide what's right for them, and in effect your statements above reveal that mentality.

Hey all,

So I've decided to just wait it out and go silent for a bit with her. Last night I was out in the city with a couple of friends and she invited me to come swing by. Met up with her, introduced her to my friends and she introduced me to her friends. We talked for a bit and I got back to my friends and she went back to her friends. We were supposed to go home together last night at an agreed upon time, but she texted she's going to stay out longer and that I should go home myself. Also she said that "Let's just hangout with our friends? They might feel weird to hangout together since they don't know each other"

At this point, I was just like fuck it and went back to my friends. I hung out with friends that I haven't seen in a year and one was leaving for Guatemala for the IMF. We met up right before I left to say goodbye and I know that we're both studying tomorrow (we both have to catch up on work this weekend). I told her "Let's study tomorrow at Cafe X!" She said she has a lot to do and never confirmed, even until now. She told me she's at the Cafe but did not explicitly invite me to come.

Kissed her on the lips telling her to stay safe and she only reciprocated with a hug saying thanks. This can be interpreted in so many ways, but I'm not going to bother. I'm also going to pull away since it's become increasingly apparent that she needs time and rather than suffocating the flames, I'm going to give it some space. Whether or not if the kindling will smolder out or build back up again, I don't know. We'll see.

We've had long talks post-sex and in general to build a connection about our lives, what we want and where we want to be. I've opened up to her and she has also opened up to me about important events in her life. I don't know what else I can do to build a connection.

At this point becoming scarce will yield one of 2 options. Either she will come back or she'll be an adult and say she's leaving. I've already done my part, I need to focus on myself and not let the short term aspects tear me apart.

She's clearly asking for space. Right now there's nothing to 'fix', which goes against our instinct as males. If you turn the dial down on what she's saying, and look at the behaviour she's clearly distancing herself to take care of her self; you should do the same. Pursuing her at this point would be imposing and not respecting her needs, nor would it be respecting yourself. Co-dependents attempt to control external things, its best you avoid doing this as much as possible and focus on the one thing you do have control over, yourself.

I would let her contact you, and use this time to give yourself the space to breath. Go out with your friends, focus on your studies, work, and do things that help you connect with you - this also extends to allow yourself to feel the way you feel but being mindful to not ruminate on stuff (for this I recommend journalling and some form of meditation). This is about dealing with uncertainty, and uncertainty is really all around us, even when we feel confident and as though we have a firm grasp on things - it's all really just an illusion. Here's a great opportunity for you to become more present with yourself.

And please never again refer to moments after sex as "post-coitus sessions" lol.

Duly noted haha