You seem to be worried about what your ex will think of you? So it would seem that you are still carrying a torch.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Well, I can't say that your theory isn't correct, but I can't say that it is either.

The reason I might come across as worried isn't because of what she might think of me. The reason is that we have two children together and that makes us bound for years to come in one way or another.

So for me to set boundaries I have a tendency to come across as quite harsh to people. When I set boundaries I have a tendency to leave people feeling as if I've just said "It's like this or you can go fuck yourself." Not elegant at all...

What I'm looking for is examples of how setting boundaries can be done in a more "elegant" way to not spark a fire, but to do so in a respectable way that she respects and adheres to instead of starting to build a conflict.

Bottom line is that I want my kids to have the best version of us they can have. They can't get that if we are in fighting mode. I don't want to set boundaries in a way that make conflict arise.

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Really? Well too little, too late... this isn't the best version of "US" because there is only you... and her... NO "US" just two separate people... two separate lives

She left you so now what does that make her look like? Definitely not a Saint

I'm not even exactly sure why she had this change of heart and left you, but maybe you said it somewhere.

All I know is that she is your "EX-WIFE" as hard as that is to wrap your mind around. She is no longer your wife, it may say it somewhere on some paper, but you are done and over with. What she thinks is no longer relevant... sure you may want to think that she will not be badmouthing you to the kids that you share, but the reality is this... SHE IS

She's probably saying bad things about you... whether or not you will believe this is up to you, but I believe it because that's how humans are so unless she's a really, really nice person then maybe she has the decency to not do that.

So don't bend over backwards kissing her ass and let her run your life. She'll do what she will. I wouldn't really care about getting along as long as you're not fighting and fighting over what? She left you. Big deal. You probably have a lot of hate towards each other even if you wont both admit it. So simple... quit being miserable and start YOUR LIFE.

You have to move on and live your life, be there for your kids when you can, set up visits to do things, I don't know how the custody situation is, but there's not much more you can do (it's not like you all live together) You have to focus on yourself and be a man first before you can take care of your kids or anyone for that matter.

In the end the kids will either be brainwashed by the mother or they'll learn for themselves depending on who they are and how they are raised (additionally what experiences they go through)

So quit worrying about the what-ifs and just do what you can do and do THE NOW... and the now is beginning a new chapter in your life, to improve yourself, become a better man, a man who is deserving of respect, a man who people want to be around, a man that has passions that are worthwhile. Say fuck it and start working out, start taking time out for yourself by going to to places that you couldn't before, meeting new interesting people and make sure to get out in the world. Learn to accept yourself and no one's opinion of you should or will matter. in other words... STOP CARING

There are various amounts of ways to accomplish all of these things and this is what "Inner-Game" is about. CONFIDENCE... it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that you're a guy who is amazing and sexy as fuck... a man who isn't dependent on others emotionally.


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NOTE: ONLY REASON YOU TWO SHOULD BE TALKING IS ABOUT YOUR KIDS AND YOU SHOULD HOPEFULLY BE TALKING TO YOUR KIDS MORE THAN YOUR EX-WIFE... YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER TO SET UP APPOINTMENTS AND LEARN WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND OR THINGS THEY HADN'T TOLD YOU DURING VISITS, ONLY REASONS... BE PLEASANT AND DON'T GET INVESTED IN HER OR ABOUT HER PERSONAL LIFE AND DON'T GIVE INFORMATION ABOUT YOURS, THERE'S NO NEED UNLESS IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WORK OR SCHEDULE.

PERSONAL LIFE = OFF LIMITS

THE LESS YOU TALK ABOUT IT, THE BETTER IT WILL BE TO GET ALONG. JUST AVOID IT.


If you have any questions or want more advice feel free to private message me. I do know that you left a post in this thread about wanting some advice on how to progress and build your "Inner-Game" and there are many ways, some are obvious like working out, but others are a little more creative. You also have to find ways to allow those activities to benefit you.

Elephant, the conflict ALREADY happened. The raging 'fire' ALREADY burned the house down which you used to call a home.

The "best version of us" is no more. What you can work on for now is the best version of YOU. If you can't do that, you'll be stuck where you are now and regress into the worst version of you. Your kids definitely won't like that.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Thanks to the both of you. I'll answer both since your message basically is the same thing.

I answered this yesterday, but decided not to publish. I had to go a few rounds regarding my beliefs and found I need to give this some more time. Let's try again.

I want to note that you add onto my situation interpretations of how it is without knowing. Of course that's hard without the details, so I don't blame you. Let me add some details about the situation

We separated and live apart. It's not necessarily the end of "us", but space to figure ourselves out and to figure out if we want to become a "us" again. Hence, we are exclusive until one of us says the opposite. For now we have both expressed that we want to get together in the future.

A year from now if she hasn't changed I'm not going to continue our relationship. I know she is in the same place thinking the same thing about me. I do not want to morph into what I belive she want's me to be. I'm going to find myself, define myself and figure out what I want from my future.

That's why I started with the topic about finding myself. I see that I need to detach myself from her so that my choices are mine and not because they are expected from her.

Our status now is that we talk, are friendly, we engage around the kids and do that in a good way.

So when I need to set boundaries I need to have a good way of doing so, so it won't break this. And that's important for me because of the kids, not because I want to please her.

Hence I'm still looking for some examples on how to set boundaries that's not to brutal as how I normally set them.

Learning to set boundaries in a better way that I'm currently capable of is in my eyes to build my inner game, to get a new set of ways to handle this. I can go out an try different approaches by myself, but it would be easier to have some examples of how others might do this so I can pick up whatever experiences might enable me to do it better.

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Regarding all the negativity that has come with this break up I embrace all the shitty things and let it do what it want's with me so I can be 100% done with it. I'm not afraid of bad feelings as they are as normal as good feelings. And I'm not going to be dictated by my feelings.

If I'm going to become the best version of me I need to be in control of me.

I'm done with the "what-ifs". I've tried that. I do love her, but I can't live with her in the form we have lived together. If that dosn't change I either have to accept that it's the way it is, or to not accept it and move on.

So from now and a year+ I'm going to figure myself out and build a lifestyle I like. Then I'll see if she fits in or not.

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But, bottom line. The kids.

The better relationship I've got with their mom, the better of they are. So I want to have the best relationship possible, without allowing her to control what that is.

_________________
The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Before I left my daughter and her mom, I asked my kid whether she wants to come along with me. She's a daddy's girl and my daughter said, "No."

I asked,"Why?"

"You're a womanizer," that's what she said.

So I asked her mom to let me 'borrow' my daughter once in a while so we can bond together. Her mom said, "No." I could have hired a lawyer for some child custody or visitation rights but I just let it go because I know that my daughter's mom can take better care of my kid than I could. Moreover, I didn't want the stress of litigation affecting me, my daughter and her mom. I was right. My kid grew up into a very responsible young adult. She's 16. She's a consistent honor student and now goes to one of the top (and expensive, her mom pays for all of the expenses) universities in my country. Besides that, my daughter works as a fashion model for a few clothing line designers.

You know your self and ex better than us. If your ex is a good parent, the boundaries that you have to set is simply to let go. You cannot control everything. Sometimes, you have to trust women that they can do a better job of raising kids than us men.

If you have boys, the least that you can do is to provide a positive masculine influence on them (playing sports together to develop teamwork, discipline and the drive to succeed and compete) maybe once every week or two weeks.

Elephant, this is predominantly a man's forum. Are you here to fix things or do you just want sympathy and empathy and have no plans toward a solution at all but simply want grown up men to listen to all of these? If the latter is the case, just go to a woman's forum.

If you're here to fix things, how many times did you went to the gym since you created this thread? How many times did you do your sprints since you were given the advice to do so? Frankly, your last post is NOT the post of a man who has started to workout on the regular.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Hi,

It's good that you don't want to rush into a new relationship until you first fix your life based on identifying what your true purpose is and what your top passions are.

If you'd like to learn my tips on what 2 steps you should take to get back to life and how to identify your true passions, I suggest that you check out my reply to the post titled "Severe social anxiety help needed."

When it comes to successfully dealing with any of your problems and finding the best possible solution to it as quickly as possible, next I'm going to share with you the words of wisdom of a couple of psychologists that helped me get on the right path to achieving my own success in life.

I regained my focus on wanting to build my ever desired dream, passion-focused online business thanks to lately stumbling on two psychologists who taught me the secret to achieving the ultimate success from the perspective of having the right mindset.

They taught me two important things:

1. Turning your life's downsides into upsides is possible only after you decide to cope with the obstacles that stand in your way to achieving your goals and your ultimate success.

2. Every time you find yourself in the situation of desperately wanting to achieve your goal as quickly as possible by skipping all the hard work, you should ask yourself a very simple question:

"Why am I now already happy?"

The combination of these two vital things helped me suddenly stop running around asking random people to lend me thousands of bucks to be able to take up the next big business-building mentorship or to go to the next big money-making seminar.

After asking myself the above question when going to bed one night, I woke up the following morning so blessed that I had such clarity of knowing exactly what my next steps are in relation to starting my own online business that I'd never had before.

It was really amazing how within only a few short minutes of asking myself "Why am I now already happy?" I suddenly realized that I was indeed happy.

I realized that I had all the necessary skills and resources to succeed and make my dream business come true.

It's very interesting that the Harvard university psychologist who taught me the secret of the "Why am I now already happy?" question, said that a team of researchers came to the realization of the benefits of asking this question after they'd discovered that a number of participants in their research who either won the lottery prize or had the option to choose their desired thing from among many items of the same kind, like clothes and cars, later stated that once they won the lottery money and their desired sports car, they didn't feel truly happy and fulfilled.

What they surprisingly said instead was that they felt much happier and fulfilled before winning the lottery and before winning their favorite sports car.

So, what the above mentioned question does for you immediately after you've asked it is that it simply helps activate your brain's cells responsible for finding the solution to your problem as quickly as possible in such situations where you initially get stuck worrying, complaining or just being sad and depressed about not having something that you desire or not having enough of it.

So, once I decided to accept the pain of all my financial frustrations and cope with it, and then asked myself the "Why am I now already happy?" question, my brain's engine got fired up so much that I soon made up a solid plan and a viable strategy to start my own online business all based on identifying my true passions, my strengths and my free resources.

The bottom line is this: Unless you invest some effort and time in identifying what your purpose on earth is based on knowing who you really are and what your true passions and strengths are, you cannot expect somebody else to do this necessary work for you and help you achieve your ultimate success in life.

Hope you find my tips and observations encouraging enough to take those first most important steps towards your dream life.

Bruno

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FREE Report: "From False Passion For Picking Up Women Through Sexual Addiction To Redemption"

Bruno pulling out of the trash again?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Hi again, all.

Thanks for replies. After brunos last post I figured I could give a short update on the situation. It's been 9, soon 10 months since it happened.

I spent the time after the first post just keeping deep down in what others might call a depressed state. But I did this on purpose, to really let all the shit just ride me and to focus on working through and get up out of it instead of trying to escape it with parties, fucking etc... and it went better and better. My outlook on life is now the same, but different. Same life, new mindset.

It's hard to explain, but I have a much clearer frame of my self as an individual and have lost a lot of the needy behaviour - although there is still some to loose.

I've started training regularly and been at it since some time before christmas. Working a 5x5 rutine 3 times a week, full body workout and focusing on food and rest. I've gained 6KG lean mass. Pretty good start.

We also have a better relationship now than we've ever had. The sex is as good as it was when we first meet, if not better. I can also see that she shows more respect for me than she ever did. We still don't live together but we are taking it slow, doing what needs to get done so that we can live a good life together. We are not rushing anything, just building up a new base to go from. If we keep at what we're doing we will probably live together again before 2016 is over.

I've kept my desires to not succumb partying and fucking around etc. So I've maintained my integrity even at times I wanted most just to fuck it all and go wild in every area.

I've pushed harder on my business, hired a partner and contracted with 20 outsourcing partners and have plans to push this business hard into growth to really kick things of over the summer.

The biggest lesson I've learned and am still learning is how to identify what I need as my own boundaries, and making these boundaries known to the world and how to do so in a good way. Turns out it's quite easy; just tell people.

It took some time, Heywood Jablowme, but I finally reached down and located those balls. They were there.

I don't go with the flow as much. I am the flow instead.


Thanks for all thoughts and time used on my post.

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The best way to predict the future is to create it.