Have a Mind of No Deliberation

I can sum up this entire article in four words: Be Your Own Guru

A student is meditating in a courtyard when the Zen master walks by

“What are you doing?” the Zen master asks

“I’m meditating to become a Buddha” the student replies

“I see” says the master.

He picks up a rock and begins to polish it.

“What are you doing?” the student asks

“I am polishing this rock to make it into a mirror” the Zen master replies

“No amount of polishing will make a rock into a mirror” says the student

“And no amount of meditating will make you into a Buddha” the Zen master retorts

To have a mind of no deliberation is to be a man who does not depend on a formula or a belief to govern his action.

You’ve spent your entire life updating yourself on the newest ‘method’ or the most recent tactics in the hopes that it will finally make you what you wish to be – successful in business, attractive to women, popular amongst your friends, respected and admired or whatever else.

The problem with all of that is that you’ve only succeeded in creating more noise, more ways to distract you from your truth – which is everything you want to be but already are.

I’ve mentioned before how important creating space is, so I will say it again: In order to foster any real growth, any real transformation, you must first make space for it.

When you create that space, you come to the startling conclusion that you are already there! That you have been all along. When that happens, you no longer need methods or techniques and other people who proclaim to have the way simply become a bore.

“Just as a reservoir is of little use when the whole country is flooded, scriptures are of little use to the illuminated man or woman who sees the Self everywhere” – Bhagavad Gita

I have no ‘game’. I am simply myself. Don’t come to me searching for a method – I don’t have one.

I do not open, I talk to people. I don’t approach, I invite. Women respond magnetically to me for this simple reason. I don’t get friend zoned, I have female friends.

In short; I am. When you understand what that means, you naturally become relaxed and you begin to laugh at yourself, for all the years you’ve wasted searching.

When an opportunity presents itself, do not think, do not rely on your past experiences, or the information someone else gave you – be fully present, don’t second guess yourself, just take action.

With love and respect

your fan,

Mack

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Don't Try To One Up The Process - You Are It!

The modern world has trained us to become ‘now seekers’. Everything around us is designed to be instantaneous – to lead us to gratification right then and there.

Are you familiar with the word grit?

It means firmness of character, an unquenchable thirst to achieve no matter what it takes.

Now think back at every time you’ve given up, every time you’ve let go, every time you accepted good enough instead of world class. Where was your grit then?

It’s not your fault.

Really, it isn’t. The ‘now seeking’ attitude has conditioned us to no longer value grit. But this is not a romantic comedy where the lovable loser will get the girl in the end, where the promotion or dream job will fall into your lap, where you will live long and happy no matter what – this is real life.

I sometimes get emails that remind me all too much of this ‘now seeker’ attitude. I get emails asking me to ignore the process – “Just give me all your best answers now!”

This will not happen overnight gentlemen. This journey is life changing, and will test you in ways you did not expect. Only those who have grit will see the light in the end.

See that’s the thing – once you think you are different you will try to skip steps. You will begin to think that you are above the process and can just bypass all the work you have to put in. You may even begin to see results here and there, but they will be hollow results, void of any real growth.

No.

Don’t you see that you are the process? There is no end goal. There is no end point in which you can put down your arms and say “it’s fine now, I’m finally here. There is no more struggle, there is nothing left to strive for, nothing left for me to work toward”. Everything you experience, be it good or horribly horribly bad, are each an indispensible piece of the fabric that is you. You are the process itself, why are you trying to avoid even a single sliver of the magnificent complexity that is you?

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough”

So suffer now. Allow whatever you are experiencing to be. Just stay with it – take the pain and be savage with your ego. Fall down 7 times, stand up 8. You’ve heard this a million times before and yet you’ve given up so many times. What I’m here to tell you is that it’s okay! This is the way it’s supposed to be.

Just don’t ever forget to stand back up and try again.

Your fan,
Pat Ananda

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What Women Really Want In A Man

Sit down boys, let’s have a chat.

Everywhere I turn, I hear men asking the same question: What do women want in a man?

It seems like figuring out just what the hell women want in a man is this rubix-cube of a task, a closely guarded secret that is hushed about and kept quiet. The truth about what women want in a man is actually deceptively simple, yet highly controversial.

Do you think you can handle the truth?

Let’s talk about sex baby!

First, understand that you liking women is NORMAL.

that’s what most people who get into this tend to forget… Most healthy normal adults date. Most healthy normal adults have sex. It’s not as big a deal as you make it out to be.

A woman needs to feel that off you. She needs to look at you and know that if she ends up alone with you, she is going to get fucked. She is going to have her hair pulled, she is going to have her ass smacked hard and she is going to leave with bite marks all over her.

I know you think this is a bit extreme, and I’m being crass on purpose, but I need you to understand this. Most guys are too nice, too androgynous and as such, basically make her feel nothing. You can’t communicate this verbally, it is something she needs to feel.

That’s the problem with most guys nowadays and why they never seem to find what they are looking for. They are so logical – ‘do this, step 3, say this at this moment and boom! Her legs will part.’

It’s all nonsense

It’s all about how you make her feel. Everything else is irrelevant. Always remember that. What women want from men is to be made to feel a certain way. So how do you make her feel this way about you? By first feeling it yourself.

You need to come to terms with your desires. It can happen in one of two ways: You can think hard about it now after reading this, and logically come to this conclusion. Or, and this is the best way to go about it, reach your patience threshold and really just ‘give up’ so to speak. You will reach a point where you are tested so hard that you just shrug your shoulders and say “fuck this. Fuck what people think, fuck what she thinks. I am a man and I want her, I’m not going to hide it anymore. I’m going to say exactly what I think from now on” and in that moment, your success will skyrocket. But the key is that you have to feel it.

They are rooting for you!

This is the best part;

A girlfriend told me a super interesting thing the other day. She said that if her bra and panties match, you are not the one who decided you are having sex tonight.

It got me thinking… You see, what most men forget is that at the end of the day, no matter what happens, she chooses. She ALWAYS chooses. That is GOOD news. It means that if you are man enough – if you make her feel the way she wants to feel, she will choose you. It will be effortless and beautiful. It won’t feel like you’re climbing up a steep muddy hill. It will feel light, fun and exciting.

Want the best news of all? She’s rooting for you dude!

Women don’t sit around thinking ‘hmmm, which guy can I blow out today?’ instead they are actually thinking “please please please don’t let this one be a loser. PLEASE be cool!!” They are SO tired of the same idiots over and over and over. They want to be seduced, they want to be wowed, they want to be taken on an adventure.

In short: They want a guy who finds them so irresistible, so enticing, that he can’t stop himself from walking up to her.

So take it easy mate, have fun, and get out there

How else will you meet the girl of your dreams?
Your fan,

Pat Ananda

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Cracking the Secret Science of Attraction

Right, so last week, we talked about what it is women are looking for in a man, at least upon first meeting them. Now let’s dig a little bit deeper and go over the science of attraction.

You see for years, this simple secret of attraction had eluded me. I searched high and low and I simply could not understand what it was that made one man more attractive than another. It was like this great secret that no one wanted to share with me. Is attraction even a science? Does it even exist?

I guess that’s where my journey really began. I was searching to fill this gaping hole in my chest, and I figured that if people only liked me, then I could start to like myself. It wasn’t until much later on that I began to understand that it is wasn’t so much about trying to be attractive, as much as it was about just being attractive.

I know what you’re thinking; Shut the F%#$ up Patrick, I’ve been trying all my life and if it were that easy everyone would be attractive.

The problem is that on the one hand, trying to be attractive is a conscious effort, something to work towards, while simply being attractive is an unconscious understanding, like the underlying background music to your day to day experience. That’s the first clue to cracking the secret science of attraction; it isn’t something you do, it’s something you are.

Think of the word attraction. What does it imply? Magnetism, effortless, beautiful, light. How do most men go about getting a woman to be attracted to them? They show up with a glass half full and beg her to fill up the second half. ‘Please like me!’

No, the answer must be found elsewhere. It must be somewhere larger than yourself, larger than her, larger than life itself!

Being attractive – the secret to having ‘an edge’

Quick, think of all great men out there – think of the athletes, the businessmen, the thinkers, the musicians, etc. What do they all have in common? “Money” most of you will mumble. But that’s not the case at all. What they all have in common is a thirst, an undying, unquenchable, unshakable passion for life! They all have a commitment towards something greater than themselves and work feverishly toward that goal and in doing so, allow their woman to be a part of that glory, a witness to the greatness of the masculine spirit.

Do you have to dive off cliffs to be a badass? Hell no. But you have to have the firm commitment to living a life of your own design, a life based on your own rules. When she feels that you are committed to an ideal, to something greater than yourself, greater than her, your personality becomes magnetic.

Like we talked about last week, women want to be desired, passionately. And they want men who are passionate about something in their lives that isn’t them. Yes folks, women are attracted to men of great passion.

In short; There must be no discrepancy between your intense passion for her and your immense passion for life.

So the next time you spend weeks (or months) trying to figure out how to get a woman to like you, think twice. You’re better off investing that time and energy into a worthwhile goal, into developing your passions. By doing just that, you’re well on your way to cracking the secret science of attraction.

Your fan,

PatAnanada

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How To Be Positive

Being a seducer begins inside. It starts there and ends there.

We’ve all heard that in order to be seductive, you have to be “alpha” or confident, but do you really feel alpha?

Do you hesitate when you see a beautiful woman? Do you think a seducer hesitates? Do you comb your mind searching for the best opener? Do you think a seducer does that? Does what you show on the outside truly resonate on the inside?

Essentially… Are you congruent?

The fact is that most men today are not congruent. That’s the first clue to being a seducer, but more on that later.

Here’s the dirty little secret to jump-starting your congruence: Feel good.

You need to handle what’s going on inside, and then project it on the outside. This may seem esoteric or new agey but there’s no other way around it. The secret to opening the gates to your success is to begin to feel good about yourself, your life, what you want and what you will achieve.

Most people focus on what they don’t want, that’s why they do not get what they want.

Look man, your entire life you’ve been doing things right but in the wrong order. You already are a cool guy, but you play yourself down to please others. You were born happy, but you’ve been chasing things of little value that you think will bring you joy. Finally, you crave attention from women to give you the self-acceptance you’ve always wanted.

You’re running in the wrong direction!

It all starts here, now, with you!

You know that feeling you get when you just step out of the barber shop with that fresh haircut? You love the way you look so you walk with a spring in your step. It’s almost as if that cute girl on the bus was checking you out. Wait, hold up – she is checking you out! It must be the hair… Right?

Wrong!

Don’t you know you could feel that way right now, for no reason at all? Seriously! We’ve been conditioned to find our self-worth and joy in finite things, but you will never find it there because you are infinite!

I want you to learn to feel good right now.

The way to go about doing this is quite simple: Put on a nice piece of music, look at pictures that inspire you, re-live the most beautiful memories in your life. Turn your attention away from what you do not want and turn it towards what you do what – and take this seriously. Everyone shrugs off this exercise out of fear; they don’t want to take control of their well-being and prefer to be victims.

It’s too easy to live a mediocre life the way everyone else does. It takes courage and strength to lift yourself up from the current and drag yourself against it, forming your own path. When you do that, however, it marks the first day in which you no longer are part of the crowd. It is the first day in which you’ve joined the ranks of the great men of history – the great conquerors, the great thinkers, the great warriors and the great lovers. It is the first day in which the dust of mediocrity has fallen off your shoulders completely and you can finally take charge of your destiny.

It is your right of passage.

Flirting comes easily when you feel this good. Sticking to your diet is easy when you feel this good. Working to create your life comes easily when you feel this good. You will find yourself jumping out of bed in the morning, eager and thankful for another day on this earth, another opportunity to make your very existence the stuff of legends.

That all begins with you. Be happy, right here, right now.

Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Be thankful and grateful – gratitude is the antidote to misery. Jump up and down, sing dance and play! Make it a habit to feel good from within, not from without.

That is the greatest strength all great men share.

PS: If you really want to take control of your dating life, your motivation and build a legendary life, apply to join our ranks right now!

Your fan,
Pat Ananada

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How To Banish Your Anxiety - Be Present!

If you’re still with me so far, you are already well on your journey to joining the ranks of the great men of the world. For that I am truly humbled. Please do not give up – not for my sake, or for anyone else really. Do not give up because to do so would be to resign yourself to mediocrity, to a fate worse than death.

“Every man dies. Not every man truly lives”

I want to jump right into presence, because once you unlock what it means, it will be the equivalent of that scene in the Matrix where Neo starts to see everything in code – all of a sudden the universe just makes sense and life becomes as clear as day to you. Don’t take my word for it, try it out!

Presence is a deeply spiritual concept, but also a very practical one. Once you start developing your focus through one-pointed attention, the next step will be to understand presence as the next logical step in the evolution of your inner game.

I don’t want to confuse you with a multitude of concepts and explanations. No, the key to understanding presence is to first create the space to accommodate it. Your mind must be emptied – not filled, because presence is a state beyond thought. This might seem scary but it’s the opposite; When present, you act on your instincts, not your mind. When present, you live courageously, because fear cannot exist. Life becomes an incredible adventure.

Presence can be understood as such: It is like a playing a song. You don’t play it to eagerly get to the end… You play because it is the playing of the song that is fulfilling in and of itself.

That is essentially what presence is. When you learn to focus your attention only on what you want, the next step is to trust your instinct – to fall into a state of presence and enjoy doing what you are doing for the simple reason that it is more enjoyable than not doing it.

That’s the secret of the great seducers; they speak to women because it is a hell of a lot more enjoyable than not speaking to them. That’s where it gets to be quite personal.

Most men do not love women

Wait – what?

Yes, it’s true. How many times have you witnessed your friends quiet down when the beautiful waitress walks over? How many times have you been caught looking at a woman who delights you and quickly look away in shame? No. Most men do not truly love women. If they did, it would show on their face.

Being present is not logical, it is a feeling. That is where your focus should be. There is no desire to conquer, nor a desire to retreat, only a sense of peace and comfort, like if the place your feet were planted in was home. All that talk of feeling at one with the universe – it’s just another way to describe presence.

Speaking of feet, it’s an excellent place to start.

Whenever you see a beautiful woman, a flurry of emotion and energy is released, usually from the pit of your belly, just above your genitals, and shoots through your body.

But then, something terrible happens

Within about 3 seconds, that emotion that was consuming your entire body gets overwhelmed by your thoughts, that come in and begin projecting in the future; “She’s busy!”, “Everyone will laugh at you!” “there’s no way she would be into someone like you”. And just like that, now you are afraid. Your thoughts begin to get stronger, and you start to remember all the times you’ve been hurt in the past, all the times you’ve been ashamed and embarrassed and felt alone. Maybe it’s best not to put yourself on the line like that anymore. And just like that, now you are anxious.

So where does this relate to presence? Well, fear exists in the future, and anxiety has it’s roots in the past, none of which exist in the present. So what can you do to force yourself into presence? Focus on your feet.

That’s it! That’s all you really need to do. When you begin to feel that flurry of emotions released in your body, don’t think! Don’t categorize it as fear or anxiety. Don’t give your mind time to analyze and talk you out of it. Instead, just turn your attention to your feet and begin to walk. Don’t think of what you need to say or do – you are one of the great men of the world, all of that will come to you in due time. Just focus on your feet; one step, next step, next step… And before you know it, you are deep in conversation with an incredibly stunning woman, soaking up her divine feminine energy and just basking in the refreshing feeling of being surrounded with beauty.

When you learn to become present, confidence is an afterthought. There is nothing to fear, and everything to gain. Through presence, you learn to trust yourself.

“How do I know this to be true? I look inside myself and see.” – Lao Tzu

PS: If you really want to take control of your dating life, your motivation and build a legendary life, apply to join our ranks right now!

Your fan,
Pat Ananda

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The Most Important Thing You Didn't Know You Lacked - Moxie!

Moxie is my favourite word.

The dictionary defines it as ‘inventive courage’.

Courage

Courage comes from french, coeurage… It means ‘of the heart’. Courage lies in your heart gentlemen.

Look, most of these Pick Up industry guys operate on the assumption that women are on a pedestal and you are below them, and must therefore prove your worth by saying interesting things, displaying certain behaviors, having a lot of money, or being overly handsome.

Fuck all that.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”

The only impressive ability you need is the ability to take a ‘bleh’ night on the town and make it an adventure worth remembering. That is where moxie comes into play.

We spoke earlier about courage coming from the heart – the first clue is there. The first step to moxie is to be honest about what you want to do.

I don’t believe you are boring. You were lead to believe that a date is a formality, something you have to drag your feet through and pray it ends soon. What do you want to do? You heard of a cool restaurant you want to try? Take her. She mentioned she’s always wanted to take a yoga class, take her! You want to kick back at a hole in the wall dive bar that serves epic drinks, take her. The first step is to decide what you want to do and invite her to join.

“Sometimes it takes talking to a 2 year old to remember the meaning of life”

The next part is super important; reconnect with your inner child. Have a childlike sense of wonder and curiosity. When I was living in Spain, I saw a stunning brunette walk past the bar I was at. I didn’t think twice about it and ran down the street to her. We spoke and she smiled. I invited her to go for a walk. As we walked in the narrow streets, I saw the castle on the hill. I took her hand and said “come”. We walked to the top of the castle and just enjoyed the view until 2 in the morning. When I lived in Armenia, I met two adorable local girls who invited me to party with them. There were fireworks that night so we went to the Mariott to watch from the balcony but it was crowded and we couldn’t properly enjoy ourselves, so I got an idea… We walked down the hall to this door that said no entry. I pushed the door open – it was unlocked! I told the girls to follow me and we ended up on the roof of the hotel, enjoying the greatest (and closest) firework show I’d ever seen.

Moxie gentlemen! Inventive courage. What an incredible quality to have… Every night with you becomes an incredible adventure, something refreshing and seductive. What woman does not come alive at the thought of being swept away in your flirtatious and exciting ways?

“No woman ever leaves her house thinking ‘I don’t want to be swept off my feet today’” – Hitch

Your fan,
Pat Ananda

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Are You Man Enough? - Why Women Test You And How To Pass

You’re at a club, dressed to the nines in your finest polo with your hair gelled to perfection. Your body language is on point and so is your confidence – you’re ready for this, you were born ready for this.

Suddenly you spot her – red strapless dress, brown hair and a look on her face that says “I know I’m hot, what are you going to do about it?”

You can’t take your eyes off her. She looks at you and your eyes won’t separate. What’s this? her lips curl into a delicate smile, subtle enough for the casual onlooker to ignore but to you, this is gold.

This is an invitation – nothing can possibly go wrong.

You stride across the room like a lion ready to take down a gazelle. You introduce yourself and wait… what’s this?

She looks you dead in the eye and, while all her friends are staring silently at you, she asks “Are you trying to pick me up?”

Women will test you!

We’ve all gotten it, the proverbial test women will throw at us, either when we first meet, or when we start dating, or much further down the line. I keep seeing men freeze up in these tests, often forgetting that…

These tests are a good thing!

First, let’s take a look at how she will test;

She will test by complaining, challenging, changing her mind, doubting and distracting.

Those are the main forms in which she will test you. I do have to point out something that many of you might not have the stomach to accept:

Stop hoping for it to get easier. As you grow in success so will her testing.

Yep, there isn’t some kind of testing threshold you need to pass before she gets all cute and happy ever after. The more of a man you become, the more she will test you. The more successful you become – with women, with business, with your goals and passions and indeed, in life itself, the harder you will be tested for it.

Why she tests

I said earlier that a woman testing you is a good thing, and I meant it.

Understand this; women will test you to feel your masculine core.

Yes. It is through discovering your unshakable masculinity that she comes to understand her own femininity.

Let me explain…

Most men nowadays are grown up boys. As such, they seem to want a mother more than a partner. Look no further than your friends, or even your own past relationships. Turn on your TV and watch all these Beta male, lovably loser, ‘good enough’ characters who always seem to get the girl in the end.

This is not TV, this is real life gentlemen. No quality woman will accept your mediocrity, or cuddle you when you allow the world to overwhelm you, or stick by you when you have no goals, dreams or passions.

And don’t get resentful of women for it either – it’s not a bad thing. It means the women in your life will constantly be holding you to a higher standard. It’s the reason that guy from that band no one’s ever heard of still manages to get laid – it’s not the fact that he’s a musician, it’s the fact that he’s working towards something.

Look, it all comes down to trust.

If she does not trust you, she will not follow you. A man that has high self esteem and possesses self control can be trusted. If she feels that you can handle yourself, she will let herself be handled by you.

A man that handles himself has self respect and the confidence that he can face any problems coming his way. A true man not only faces his own problems but the problems of his loved ones.

Only when she can see that you can handle her tests, life’s tests, and other people’s tests, only then will she trust you.

If you get emotional and snap at her, you will break her trust. She will no longer think that you’re stoic and unshakable. She can see that you no longer have the ability to remain unaffected by the outside world. She cannot rely on you now, because you bend over backwards.

If you break down emotionally and throw in the towel, she will no longer trust that you can handle the world, life and perhaps a family one day.

If you get carried away with love and emotions, she will no longer trust you with other women. You’re easily manipulated. You can be emotionally dependent and will seek the next “fix”.

If you start rewarding her bad behavior she will no longer trust that you have self respect, nor will she have respect for you either. Make no mistake about it gentlemen, a man that loses his woman’s respect will soon lose that woman along with it.

Essentially, she will want to be a good woman for you because she is confident in your ability to be a good man for yourself, for herself, and for the future children you might one day raise together.

How to pass

Once you understand the reason she tests you, you will instinctively know how to pass them. As your success in life grows, so will her testing, and through it you will flourish.

Passing her tests becomes incredibly simple. You can go the traditional route and always have something better to say, or say something funny, and that works to a limited extent, but the ultimate, best way to pass her test is this; Stay with her intensity. embrace her in love. If it is real, she will feel it.

If she throws a taunt your way at the club, don’t clench up and retreat into your head. Breathe from the pit of your stomach, strong and powerful breaths. Stand firm and look deep into her eyes. Do not think about a better answer, do not think about the content of her words, just stand there like a man. Then smile. Smile and spin her, tease her, flirt with her – allow her to feel that you are unshakable and stoic, that you can handle the world and what it throws at you.

If she throws a taunt your way years into your relationship and wants to divert you from your path, stand firm and look deep into her eyes. Take a step closer and take her into your arms – let her feel that she can count on you, that your mission is sacred and that nothing can divert you from it. Then she will trust you.

This has to be real, there is no other way. If your voice shakes and you are weak, she will see right through you.

Can you remain loving, full, joyous and peaceful in the midst of her chaos? Do you rely on her validation in order to feel good about yourself?

Just some things to consider.

Your fan,
Pat Ananda

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How To Start A Conversation Like A Man - The Essence Of Authenticity

I remember when I was a young man, I absolutely and desperately wanted a girlfriend.

I thought that if I could just get my hands on a real live girlfriend, I would finally be happy.

Crazy right? But stay with me here for a minute…

You see, in order to get one of these fabled girlfriends, I had to first learn how to speak to women.

I had to learn the arts of starting a conversation.

I was determined to learn! I swallowed entire books on the subject, scoured the internet for any bits of information I might be missing. I became obsessed. I studied every possible contingency; Oh she’s with her mother? No problem, I’m ready for it. Her boyfriend just showed up? Here’s how to avoid getting beaten up. Her dog just died and she’s in a hurry to get home to write a pet eulogy? Hey, I’m a great shoulder to cry on, what’s your number?

You get the point.

Well I hope you do, because I sure didn’t… If you pay close attention you will soon realize that I never once stopped to ask myself what kind of connection I was making or hoping to make with these women. If you place a bet that I never saw them as people but instead as only means to an end, then you are 100% correct.

So with that in mind, let’s talk about how to start a conversation, only this time, authentically.

Love is three quarters curiosity

Imagine this scenario for a second;

You’re on your way to work in the morning. You stop by for your morning coffee as you do every single day since forever.

Just as you reach the line up, you notice her…

She’s sitting there all alone, with her morning coffee, reading her book.

“My God, she looks incredible!” You think to yourself. And then, your thoughts kick into overdrive: “She looks busy though” “It’s rude to interrupt” “Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to anyone”, or “She probably has a boyfriend”.

Why are you talking yourself out of this? What you are doing is letting fear control your life, and even worse, it isn’t even a fear for your own safety but fear of rejection – a made up word that has absolutely no reflection on who you are or your worth as a man.

Choose to be curious!

Don’t let fear dictate your life. Live instead like a child. Children are always curious, always looking around passionately and excitedly at the world, always asking the great questions that pop into their heads.

Children don’t overthink, don’t overanalyze and don’t ever stop to ask themselves if they are worthy.

“Hi, I just had to come over. I’m curious about you”

Every great love story begins with curiosity.

Curiosity has no judgments

Curiosity is absolutely free of judgment.

The next time you find yourself thinking “She’s probably busy” or “She doesn’t want to be disturbed” or “She has a boyfriend for sure!” or “She looks like she might be bitchy”, understand: that is only your own judgment.

That is the projection of your mind and not an ultimately reality.

Curiosity is an excited blankness – there are no preconceived notions, only a space for whatever you find. If you’ve already decided that she is a bitch and will rudely shoot you down, then you’ve left no space for her to be who she truly is.

There is no one-sided connection

This is where it gets a bit uncomfortable for some…

If you think that any true great seducer lacks feelings, then you’re dead wrong. If you want a genuine connection with someone, in other words, if you want to start a conversation authentically, you must first open yourself up.

Yes, that means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. If you want someone to open up to you, you must first open up to them. If you want someone to connect with you, you must first learn to connect with them. There’s no way around it.

Casanova once said “I do not conquer, I submit”. There’s an immense power in letting someone in, and after so many years of speaking to incredible women, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a one-sided connection. I can see no other way.

Lead, lead, lead

Right. You’ve made yourself curious. You’ve abandoned all judgments and are completely open and vulnerable. So what do you do? Just sit in silence?

Well yes, and no.

The following is perhaps the question I get asked the most. I can’t blame anyone – I had struggled with the answer myself for many years. Funny thing is that nowadays it does not even cross my mind. What is this question you may ask?

“How do I not run out of things to say?”

I’m not going to answer that question.

I’m not going to answer it because the question implies something deeper and frankly more dangerous: Your focus is on yourself. If you want to know what YOU should say, then you are not curious about her. If you worry about what she thinks of YOU, then you are not vulnerable and open to her. If you are wondering about how to make YOU seem better in her eyes, then you are not free of judgments and opinions.

That was an important realization for me. The moment I shifted my attention from myself to her, everything changed. They say the most interesting man in the world is the best listener.

So listen, but lead the conversation where you want it to go. About a year ago, I decided that I no longer wanted to make small talk. I just wasn’t interested in mental masturbation conversations anymore. I wanted to dig out what is profound and real about the woman standing in front of me. And so, just like that, I skipped right to the questions that mattered to me.

Where are you leading the conversation? Are you languishing in a purgatory of mediocrity? Or is your conversation fueled by passion, mystery, fun and sensuality?

Before I forget – sensuality is important. Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears. An important skill for any man to learn is the ability to take her on a trip in her mind, through the pictures you paint with your words.

Where are you right now?

This is the final piece of the puzzle.

If you want to learn how to start a conversation authentically with women, or really with anyone, you must learn to remain fully engaged with the person standing in front of you.

You must learn to give your undivided, fullest attention at all times. In other words, you must learn to remain present.

Let me ask you a question: Where are you right now? Here, now, while reading this. Are you hanging on to every word? Or are you thinking about breakfast. Are you following what I am saying intently, or is half your attention on the internal chatter inside your head?

Most men do not listen. All the women I’ve been with have told me the same thing – men these days no longer listen. You would much rather read up on the next routine, or trick, or tactic to use on her, than to hear what she has to say. While women talk, men are preparing the next clever thing they are going to say. They are running through their arsenal and making inventory of every quip, joke, response or cocky sound-bite they have at their disposal, hoping to see which will best hit the target. The funniest thing is that women will always tell you exactly how to seduce them.

That’s what I’m going to finish with. Women want to be seduced! They want to be romanced! They all have an image in their head of how they want to be made to feel and they will subtly drop clues throughout their time with you. Not verbally – almost never.

But if you shut off the internal chatter, if you show up fully like a man and give her the space she needs to be herself around you, she will open in ways that will astound you. It might be in the way her eyes dance while she’s telling you she won’t give you her number. It might be in the way she walks away from you yet looks over her shoulder mischievously to see if you’ll get her back. It might be in the way she gently touches the palm of your hand when you say something funny. Most men don’t notice – how can they when they are listening to the voice in their own heads?

Be here, now. If you want authenticity in your life, if you want beauty and truth, show up fully and remain here, with her and nowhere else. It will change your life, I promise.

PS: If you really want to learn how to connect with incredible women, plus a ton of other mind-blowing things, see if you have what it takes to qualify for my exclusive mentoring program.

Your fan,

Pat Ananda

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