Update: Sent out 20 opener - 1 replied back with "Sure" then no response after I used the second line, 1 replied with "I can only image some lame lines" (also did't work out) - no replies from the rest.
Overall, they're right. It does sound like a pickup line, maybe because girls in my town probably run into the similar Mystery "Do you know why you suck?" openers. Also might be because the opener doesn't really suit my personality or profile. I find flirty and funny one lined bantering works best for me.
For example, I have been using this one for a while and get really good result.
"
[adj 1], [adj 2], [adj 3] (whatever vibe you get from her profile)... this might be too soon but let's flight Vegas and get married? Or if you're not that adventurous, at least take me out on a date so we can [insert something fun to do]? 
"
If they say yes, I set a date immediately and number close. If they reply back with something fun or witty, I banter a bit then set a date. If they say no, then I move on. Yea I've been lazy. This one doesn't cost me a lot of time or energy
