Hey fellas,

Need some help please.

This past Sunday marked 1 year with my girl. We hung out, exchanged gifts, etc. Everything was great and she even ended up crying from a note I wrote to her about our relationship. Before being together, I used some PUA techniques and they ended up working really well. Everything has been going well in general but there is something thats been bugging me lately.

Heres whats been bothering me, I feel like my bestfriend and girlfriend are getting close. A part of me is saying "stop being an idiot and let them talk. Dont deprive her of friendships even if its with your bestfriend." Thatll come off as insecure and will make me the jealous man. She doesnt have friends at school and so I get it. After class, they may grab a bite together just because they've become acquaintances. But how should I react to that? Is that okay? She knows the type of person I am. I'm incredibly into our relationship and I know shes really into me. I acknowledge there have been a couple of times in the relationship where ive been stale so to speak and kind of neglected her. She still stuck through it because of her love for me I imagine. I took her V card and so i understand she has deep feelings for me.

Just recently, I found a Groupon deal for an improv in my city. I told her about the deal and mentioned it was 39 bucks for 8 tickets. She said "awesome you should bring (NAME) (my good friend) and his girl." Now you guys may be saying "why is this guy worried if his bestfriend has a girl." Well because he has a track record of cheating on his girlfriends. He states hes in love with the girl yet he fu*ks other women. Just a couple weeks ago, he was at stagecoach (country festival here in SoCal). He told me he hooked up with a few different girls while still being with his primary girlfriend who he states he loves. Point being, hes not loyal whatsoever. Hes a huge country music fan and so is my girlfriend. I myself am not. And so she knew he went to this festival through social media (they added eachother not too long ago). Because of this mutual interest, theyve been talking more and more at school. Fast forward to the night of the improv. Throughout the day and night being at the venue, I notice her looking at him often. Even for a few seconds at a time sometimes. And im going to be completely honest, i felt threatened by this guy. Im thinking "this guy is tall, loves the country scene like my girl, is of the same ethnicity just like my girl and I" and a bunch of other stuff. So lately ive just been thinking negatively. She also happens to know of his ordeal with his girlfriend and how hes been hookin up with others girls so maybe thats attractive to her even though hes not being loyal?

Just yesterday, she asks me "would you be up for Incahoots tomorrow night babe? (NAME) mentioned it to me on monday and said we should go." Incahoots is a country club here in SoCal. Hes a frequent attendee at this club and so he told her to go along with myself. He knows all the line dances there is to know. My normal self would have told her "nah babe Its not my scene. I dont want to go." But I realized sometimes I have to step out of my comfort zone. I felt that if I said no, it would bring them even closer. She mentioned she feels neutral about going but i highly doubt that because she asked me with some enthusiasm.

So here is my weak self saying "we're gonna go tonight, shes gonna be checking him out all night since he knows his sh*t and they both love country." My question to you guys is, how do I squash these negative thoughts in my head? What can I do tonight to make it look like I dont feel threatened? Did I do the right thing in saying I will go even though I know hes going to shine and its not my scene? I know what I wrote may come off as insecure and weak. But i just dont have the strength (due to lack of knowledge of what I can do) to put this aside and not worry about it. If anyone can shed some light on this, I appreciate it a ton!!! Thank you guys for reading my long a*s story.

Cheers.

If it bothers you, tell your "best friend" to fuck off and tone it down.

Seriously. He's your best friend... If he's legitimately into her, he'll know he's being a cunt the second you mention it to him... and he'll probably back off.

If he's not, he'll laugh at you and call you a paranoid asshole - and he'll still back off.

Thanks for the reply man. Im going to feel the situation out a little more and see what happens. Im not sure if i wanna be that asshole that blows things out of proportion. Im sure he'll understand if i tell him but not sure if I need to do that just yet. Thanks again for the reply. Much appreciated.

Can anybody else share their thoughts?

Yes, I can.

Freeze her out slightly. Chat up some other girls.

DO NOT INDICATE WHY! REPEAT Don't act like a jealous girl, that will just make you look needy and desperate.

If she chases you to gain back your attention, your golden.

If she runs to your buddy to console her hurt, dump her slutty ass. HARD AND QUICK!

Your investing way to much worry and effort, any man with any sense of humility knows that no woman is worth that bullshit.

They make new ones every day.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Thats what i needed to hear man. Thanks!

I'd tell your mate to back off. I've done it myself where I had a thing with one of my best friends girlfriends. I didn't let anything happen but it was clear she was into me and I grew attached to her. My mate brought up that I was spending time alone with his girl and that it bothered him. I felt like an ass and backed off because I knew something was definitely going to happen there. I wasn't a good friend in being so close to her, getting lunch and going to the cinema with her alone and shit but as soon as it was brought up I really felt that pang of betraying my buddy even though nothing physical had happened.

Just tell your mate it's bothering you. As Finley said he'll either laugh it off or take it seriously if he sees it himself.

Also, I have to disagree with Heywood here. Don't do that. She has an emotional anchor in your best friend and could easily turn to him. She'll see him as her emotional boyfriend and you'll be her physical boyfriend. As soon as things go rough between you and her it will only be natural for something to happen with her emotional boyfriend(Your best friend). It happened to me although she didn't technically cheat on me. I was distant, froze her out -- unintentionally -- when she was crazy in love with me. I started withdrawing and showed less interest meanwhile her long time friend(Who's a total loser I might add) swept in and took up the reigns of the emotional boyfriend in the relationship seeing as I wasn't meeting her emotional needs even on a basic level. For about the last month of the relationship I was the physical boyfriend while slowly, but gradually, the friend swooped in as the emotional boyfriend. When we broke up she felt more comfort with him than anyone else and he made his move, filling up the lonely void I left when we broke up. Then again my ex was kind of weird but the theory still stands.

Talk to your mate about it and tell him to back off. You don't have to be confrontational about it just square up and say shit like "So, you're having lunch dates with my girlfriend?" he'll be defensive and try not make a big deal about it, just stick to your guns and ground the fact that you see what he's doing as "mini dates." He'll back off.

Another key thing you and everyone else should be seeing here is your best friend is asking HER and telling her to invite you along as if you're the tag along. He's not asking you to these events and mentioning that you should bring your girlfriend. That's kind of a nono but then again they do share a common interest... Still, it's fairly dodge that he would invite her out like that. Just call your friend out on it man.

At first i read this and thought no biggie. But thinking about it....Id bet that your friend would bang her and is probably trying to. I think this because if he cheats on his gf and can rationalize it, he can rationalize fucking your girl.

Either way, its up to your girl in my opinion. Can you trust her? If so, let him try or just be friends. To me, a gf should be able to be trusted. If she's a good woman and realizes she is getting attracted to the guy, she should be loyal enough to break contact with the temptation herself. If your friend has a chance with her, dump her. Because even if you tell him off, what's gonna happen when she has another male friend? If there is the chance she strays for him, there is gonna be a chance she strays with the next guy. If you can trust her, let her hang with him. If you dont find a girl you can trust.

Fucking BULLSHIT.

If there is one defining feature that separates men and women it can be summed up in one word… loyalty. Why? Because women have none.

You cheat on her, it's your fault your an asshole.

She cheats with your Bro, its your fault for not being there for her.

Its your Bro's fault for seducing her.

As you can see, it’s simply your own fault for her cheating. Of course , it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that she has gained 20 pounds since the beginning of your relationship, and wants to 'feel sexy/needed', or the fact that you hate hanging out with her at shitty country bars, or because all she does is nag. It’s always your fault.

While your buddy is being a complete douche, I have no problem with you setting him straight! Man-on-Man.

The relationship with your Bro likely has a longer term value anyway.

If she is seeking, emotional, physical, or social connection, from some other D-Bag its your fucking fault!

Why?

Because somewhere along the line there was/is a power balance shift.

You started to care MORE than her. You made HER the prize!

You want the scales to tip your way? You must realize there’s no real shortage of pussy, and she must realize you are totally and completely aware of this fact.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You've proved me right there dude. I mentioned emotional needs and physical needs and how you can separate those needs between two or more people quite easily if it's lacking in some shape or form in a relationship. Your solution to it was to withdraw more from her, thus withdrawing emotional attention, something that's required in a relationship. If she's forming that emotional bond with his friend already then that bond is only going to be strengthened if you grow emotionally distant from her and freeze her out for any period. As you said, it's only his fault and being distant isn't going to fix the problems he's created. However, before this emotional bond was formed -- it's been formed already from the sound of things -- it would have been alright to do as you suggested but it's gone beyond that point and will only serve as a means to drive her further away from and more towards the friend.

Don't forget the importance of human psychology, more specifically social psychology. We're social creatures and we seek to have our social, interpersonal needs met. Also, i'm going to have to call you out on "Women having no loyalty" because that's straight up wrong. We're a product of our developmental and social constructs. Basically, we are who we are primarily due to how we were raised and those who we are influenced by(Friends, family, role models, etc., etc.). Let's also not forget the many personality, learning and developmental theories poised by many famed and well respected psychologists(Jung, Lacan, Freud, Erikson) and contributions of cognitive psychology. You simply can not sum up an entire race or gender under one flag and say "X are a bunch of cheaters." This simply is not the case regardless of rationale or perceived logic.

Don't confuse what I said as "Pay her more attention and prove you want her" or any of that crap. What I was saying is the best way to approach this is to tell your friend off about it. Being distant with your girl won't help at this point. That time has come and gone. If you show her you can have more women she's most likely going to be drawn closer to your friend because she can have him which will validate her. Instead just act normal but call your mate out on how he's being with your girlfriend. If they're just friends it's fine but what the you're describing is dodgy especially considering your friend has no integrity(If he can't be loyal to the woman he loves how can he be loyal to his friend?).

Much respect Game, you really seem to know your shit, but your misunderstanding my point.

My point is not to withdraw, it is to re-shift balance.

Perhaps 'freezing out' is where the confusion lays.
All raised by women no doubt. lol.
Why not? fear of reprisal? I can opinion anything I like. And while yes, this is technically bigoted statement, it’s only thanks to the social norms that women have developed, such as this unwarranted behavior.

I did not say the cheaters, I said they have no loyalty. They can always be 'swayed'. And thank your lucky stars for it, because if women had any sense of loyalty, there is no doubt in my mind that the pussy abundance would drop dramatically.

The pendulum needs to swing back to his favor.

Imagine if you will that HE would have a hot little confidant, that enjoyed rock, and HE wanted to bring places, and spend all HIS emotional allowance on HER!

Thing would change in a blind fucking frenzied hurry, you better bet your ass!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Thanks for the replies fellas it means a lot. Heres something else I need help with. A while back my girl had posted on one of her social media sites to her friend (Twitter I believe) that a guy from her college had asked her to go party with him. I asked her about it (maybe i shouldnt have because it may have come off as weak) and she said it was nothing. That she was merely telling her friend about it and it wasnt out of excitement. She proceeded to tell me he told her "I bet I can lift more than your boyfriend and I bet I can beat his ass." I ended up having a fucking good ass time at the country club even though it wasnt my scene. I showed her that I wasnt going to be the little shit that would sit in the corner. I danced my ass off and I drew attention. I think she got jealous of this and today, she added that guy on facebook! The same guy who said he would beat my ass. I would think thats disrespectful right?

Whoa there big fella.

I think you better consider putting this girl on thin ice status.

Start looking for signals.

When she is rarely off it, she rests her phone face down.

She Checks, But Does Not Respond To Certain Texts.

Denies sex.

Insists on having contact with 'boyfriends'.

Dresses like the slut she is, when going to 'hang' with her non gender specific pal.

Her couchie tastes like dick.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

She does rest her phone face down, all the time!!
She does deny sex sometimes.

How should I put her on this ice? Should I call her and let her know how she fucked up? We are supposed to hang out tomorrow. Should I tell her to not even bother coming? But then again im thinking, if I put her on thin ice and call her out on her shit, would't it drive her away from me even further?

By thin ice I mean her future with you is in an uncertain condition.

She's being sketchy, now its how to determine how to handle that.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.