Hey guys,

I need your independent opinion about some girl and situation I am dealing with. She is 19 and I am 26. We met in the middle of January and I danced with her. Made out the first night we met. Next date we went out to a cocktail and I asked her over. She blocked a bit but afterwards she gave me a BJ witch was all ok. So I kept asking her out to more and more dates and after two weeks she kept blocking the attempts of having sex a lots of times and she could let go of herself.

We had sex like after two weeks and she told me: “I have been waiting for this soo long.”

Then we spend the next 4 weeks together, happy, fucking dating. The good start. She was giving me love and I gave her mine. She wanted some relationship and I told her maybe … I don’t think a relationship just grows from some definition and I told her we should look how things go and spend some fun time together. Maybe I invested too much time into the relationship afterwards and she didn’t invested so much at all.

She also dated me when she was feeling sick and so on. However she went on a Europe trip with some male friend of hers for two weeks … on facebook I saw some pics of them and yeah, that could give me some idea … you name it. Didn’t had any evidence for that except her changing behaviors. She keeps telling me that she would never leave a guy openly cuz she has been left too many times ...

After she came back she is all changed and even blocks the kissing attempts … I asked her over to talk about things and bla bla what is the matter. I didn’t brought up that I thought she is cheating on me or whatsoever, I am just having that on my mind. However I told her that it’s enough of dating for me without knowing where things are going to, I want to be on clear terms with her. I told her bla bla I want her to be my girlfriend and such she told me she wont leave me and yeah we will continue seeing each other. BUT nope I cant call you my boyfriend yet, she still needs to feel the friendship. Now she seems unsecure, I am putting too much pressure on her and such … also I dont want to loose her by time passing ...

However for her she feels emotions are coming fist for her and that a relationship needs to be built from the foundation of a solid friendship. I grabbed her saying that sex from the beginning without friendship for her is not ok and that doesn’t stop her from calling me perfect. However she does that when I fucked her really well when we first met. Then she was all smooth and nice and stuff. Also she told me about her past experiences with love and thus she told me that she rushed into things with me and bla bla … normaly she is not in bed with a lot of guys without love and without love she doesn’t like to have sex. Sex she can get anywhere ... However I experienced her otherwise. She told me in the beginning that she doesn’t want to be seen as a slut and stuff. Nothing about having sex and falling in love at the same time!!! However now she feels pressurized from me and stuff ... told her I dont want that she feels that from me.

Told her I am not interested in being only friends and not being physical. That should be clear to her. Yesterday she was in the city and I asked her out for a cup of tea at my place. Short thing she agreed at once. BUT! Yesterday evening we were only chatting. She stayed over but blocked any attempts to get physical AT ALL! Like the classic of being friendzoned. Told her that I don’t want that and if you want some connection … ok lets do that we talked and bla bla boring bullshit … when she slept she kinda kissed me a bit and THAT was it. Like yeah ok I didn't satisly, I couddle you a bit, like its expected from her (when we first dated it was I dont only want to fuck I also want to cudde, now its I also want to talk and connect, not always be physical). She blocked me kissing and I didn’t invest into anything anymore. She comes crawling back and getting distant again. In the morning I woke her up and again only a bit kissing. I see in her eyes that she wants to get passionate BUT something is blocking her. Its almost like you can see the glimpse when she is thinking about it and then ... block ...

I had breakfast and I gave her something too. Afterwards I asked her to come to my bed and we made out for a few minutes. I needed to go to work and she knew it as well. We made out again and she was offering me to touch her boobs. I did only escalate passively not actively. I really turned her on and stuff. I told her, that were not having sex now … she thought like WTF am I doing again. I could see that on her face. Then she jumps up to run out of my apartment …
A few texts afterwards that she got confused and that made her angry, sorry and that’s where we stand at the moment …

My questions:
- How can I understand her behavior about getting close to someone? I mean when I tell something I want to see some clear line in what to do in the future and where to go to?
- Am I doing some serious mistakes I am overlooking?
- Was it bad to make the escalation in the bed again for the makeout like I did?
- What is the right calibration of being physical and making the emotional connection towards that woman?
- How can I make her feel more comfortable so she doesn’t block sex at all?
- Whats your advice for the future if I want to fuck her again?

Thanks,
Hejsan

Ps.: I wont marry her its just that I have the impression that I can learn a lot during the struggle with her.

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My answers would be in parts like your questions

How can I understand her behavior about getting close to someone? I mean when I tell something I want to see some clear line in what to do in the future and where to go to?

Her new beahviour, is either a gentle way to tell you it's over, after the trip with the MALE friend, or she is in the natural/cultural woman delemma, you know there is a natural and cultural woman in every woman, which means than women unlike what they pretend they like sex like we do in not more( thats the natural woman), but the cultural one behave ladylike, tends to make sex after getting to know the guy very well, so she won't be branded as a slut, like she told you in previous discussions together. So I'm not saying she is no more intrested maybe she thinks of you as relationship material guy, it's good to have a relationship qualities but you have to be the one in charge.

Am I doing some serious mistakes I am overlooking?

what I advice you to do is to cut your communication with this girl, you'll text her and tell her that there is many things going on in your life and you'de like to share them after with her. that would be all for the 3 following weeks, you can take risks as you said you won't marry her it's only for practice.
Because if you don't cut communication with her you'll look desperate, and thats a beta male trait, and if your girlfriend brand you with that title, you are no more attractive and that will help her justify in her mind why whe refuse to be with you in the first place and that's the last thing you want to do. The Cut off will show the girl that you are unfazed by the break up which will increase your value in her eyes, in allows you to put your life back together, and it will make her receptive to re-open communication with her after. so the cut-off would last 3 weeks, if she tried to call you ingore her calls ( if she calls you at your work, tell her that you want you to be friends now , and you respect her time and space, if she tells you is it done? tell her I'm not saying we're done, I'm just saying that I need my space too I will talk to you soon. If she came to ur house tell her it was nice to see her and you have to get back to what u were doing.
If she called you like crazy ignore her calls instead text her like this quick message :
"hi ___, just a quick note to say hey and i'll talk to you when I get the chance"
with accomplishing this, you'll be the one on the top, the one on control, and it will help you boost your ego, becuz u r now the one being followed, the girl will try to win you by trying to contact to boost her ego but you'll give her noo chance MAN. During the three weeks you will work on your attraction trigger, ( looks (build muscle if you need to, get a tan, be well groomed ( after 3 weeks you want this girl to notice the diffrence), get a social life, get a hobby of yours, get involved in cooking classes it always got all women class u'll be the only guy, get to know new girls it helps even to go over this girls she will not matter anymore, don't say she's the one, becuz I can assure to you there are out there more girls more intresting than this one and hey you are the SHIT and she doesn't deserve you if she behaves like this)
on the 21ST Day call the girl to go grab a cup of coffee, or call her and tell her that u've been doing cooking classes, and would like her to share a meal with you.

Was it bad to make the escalation in the bed again for the makeout like I did?

Yeah that was lame MAN, you should be taking over the relationship, and boob touching, you are not 14 anymore, you should've ignored her after the make out and not make a big deal of it, put some music on and chill out on the couch, you are having sex with others, and you are not weakned by sex.

I guess in the second answer, I answerd all the reamining questions

Cordially

DMLOVE

PS : by the end of this if you try out you may even laugh at urself, because you crave for getting her back at the first place, and find more other intresting place, and maybe you'll make her know, who makes the decisions in your relationship

Thanks for the awesome answer! Time will tell ... Maybe I had a too hard crush too fast on her. Just felt something more for that girl than I did for the last ones AND I told her ... such a crime ... after dating a girl and having sex for 10 times its just difficult for me NOT to devellop any feelings. I thought that well ... I was left the times before when someone was doing something like this and somehow all I want is to have a decent girlfriend after all.
Yap, would be interesting to see if I was capable of doing that ... however I was just afraid that I might loose her over that time ... maybe some other limiting belief that I do have. I know she is doing not too much in her life and I am doing way more than I am capable of. She knows I party more than her and that I am having more fun than she does. However I told her also that the last two weeks I had were awesome. Which indeed they were. Had a makeout at a club gathered some new friends and stuff. Somehow I cant communicate it and the two week break already got me. I told her also how much I missed her and stuff. HMm just had the idea in the back of my head that I wanted to do awesome and cool things together with her and the more time I spend with her doing fun stuff the more fun we would have and the bounding became more emotional, friendlier and intense ... Just my idea ... after two weeks I wanted to heat it up again by taking the first step ...
I didnt make a big deal out of the makeout. I just read her signs that SHE was turned on by me and escalated a bit. See how far I could go in 10 mins. But she struggled to let it just go and let her to be fucked. The more I dressed up when I went to work the hornier she got. Went to bed and hmm somewhat the attraction faded faster and I brought it up again. So I think I am still turning her on, which is a good sign. I mean I cant get her bounded on a long term date but if I call her up quickly she was coming over ...
True, I dont find this sexy as well but well I just missed the feeling of being together with someone.

My questions:
- She likes WhattsApp as hell. How can I cut the communication but still communicate to her how amazing my life is? She is now in holidays of the semester, so if she has all time in the world to meet me. If she wanted to.


Ps.: Just found out that she put into facebook her status single again ... two days before she left she took it out ... I just dont know WHERE my mistake was. Cant be too hard to stand to my feelings?

PPs.: hmmm ... somehow I always fuck up when I open myself to some girls yet this is exactly what she told me she wanted from me ... somehow I could never get a straight answer from her. Like I dont want to meet up anymore or like yeah, lets just do this and this and I told her that I dont know where I am standing with her. Thats ok if she doesnt want something more but ... Why cant she tell it to me in my face so I know for sure?

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GIRLS LOGIC, they demands something from guys that they believe are attractive but unconsciously they don't think so :s.
I've been in the same situation, having a great time, great sex with some girl after several dates, without any doubts, we start to develop feelings, it's normal, it's human, just don't forget that to have a healthy relationship, you have to reward good behaviours, and punish the bad ones. unfortunately, most MEN do the oppsite.

The possibility of loss is on the edge man, like my fellow gambler say, at the greatest risks come the greatest wins,

I may say that from your story you did really seduce the girl, but there is something where you did stuck and you don't know about it, so this is why I highly recommand you to read this book, of john alexander, -the former writer of " how to become an alpha male"- this book is " how to get your Gil in 30 days". the Cut-Off will help you start over and correct the old mistakes.

Hmm that what fucks my mind ... she tells me that she wanted to establish a communication and stuff. But I dont want to be friendzoned ... and she keeps blocking my attempts to get physical and then I toouch her ... then she blocks it ... then I distance myself ... she comes ... and I escalate close towards sex ...
That old story everyone in this forum tells me to do ...

What fucks me now is that I dont see the signs in her behaviour how I could win her over again. Its not about buying and stuff ... was it about attraction or?

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Just tell her you're not interested in friendship and freeze her out.

She will chase you and put out if she's not a time-waster.

Frooze her for an afternoon ... now shes texting me I am so sorry bla bla you dont know how much I mean to her and blaaa....

Sexy as your avatar

Wanted to text her back:
Thanks for letting me know, nope I dont have any idea how much I mean to you. Have a fun night, because I will Cya soon!

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Hey Lads,

Some update from my side. Yesterday I was on a hiking date with her. The initiative was from her side. In the beginning she was quite distant again and I asked her why and she just couldn’t tell it. She told me I am putting too much pressure on her and making the time with her not so nice. She throw a low of shittests at me and well … I had to be the man and hold the frame. We nearly got separated but she came back and said sorry. Then she was all nice again and came cuddling and kissing and stuff. So no problem anymore. Now she suggested if I have time for some date during this week to go outside.

Her point was that we took things too fast in the beginning and that we should go on things slower now. However I dated her again 3 times and 2 times were just stupid discussions and blaaaaa. She told me that the things went too fast for her and we had some sexual stuff too early for her … so she wants again to connect on a friendship level. However I think that after so many dates its ok and we have fun and can have sex again … soon … I mean we had some petting going on our first date together. So it was kinda fast and I don’t see a reason why not to continue with it. However she thought about it now that things went too fast for her… I am not interested in the friendzone and I would like to fuck her more often. From what she told me is that she likes to have some sexual intercourse with some normal friends she has. Officially not while having a boyfriend but yeah … haven’t any clue but I guess she just fucks around however she denies it. She had quiete some ASD going on when we had sex the first time and felt too pressurized before -.- . How to deal with these behaviours of her?

Also she told me that she feels I put pressure on her and that makes her feel uncomfortable. Only after her party-trip with the other guy. BEfore she was all smooth and during the trip she noticed and thought about everything ... was this the sign of me overinvesting my time into her? I mean I also asked her if she wants to be my girlfriend and maybe she wasnt ready for that ... However I wanted to know where she is with her heart and how she thinks about the future ...

However we had sex like 10 times and now she thought about it that also the friendship is important for her. However we kept kissing and in the end of the date she came back to me for some more kissing and stuff. All nice IOIs and stuff and yesterday she asked if we could meet again.

Also I guess I created another problem with her and some issues. Yesterday I told her that if she behaves like this again during the night and blocks and doesn’t take her clothes off in my bed, I will kick her out. That gave me some respect BUT I fear I created some negative emotions to come back to my place again. How can I reframe this situation?

Thanks Hejsan

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Just be cool about it. Say "Sure we can be friends, I'm happy to be single" then fuck other girls. Just make it clear that if she frames you as "just friends" who kiss but no sex, you need to reframe by stating you are single. If she gives you any shit, just say "Either you are my girlfriend or you're not. Or I can just casually date you for now. I honestly don't mind either way. But you can't say we're 'just friends' then expect me to be celibate."

And remember: Girls who kiss but won't have sex with you are just wasting your time.

She needs to understand how important sex is to you.

Alright ... and how about that style that I would just invite me over to her place the next time and escalate from there? I mean escalation is always smooth for me when not blocked. I can make her horny, yes but ... somewhat I feel that she needs more comfort sometimes. Then she doesnt feel presurized. I mean shes 19 and I am 26 ... she tells me she realy want to be closer to me and bla bla bla .... you name it!

However also for stating that sex is important for me. It is, but how can I communicate to her that I want sex with her without building that pressure? Maybe is some sort of ASD and she needs to wait ... but I wont wait forever. How do I communicate it without building pressure, being needy nor destroying the nice time we are having?

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She is playing the "innocent little girl" character and you are buying into it. You built up enough comfort to fuck her 10x times already, so she has no reason to be shy around you all of a sudden. Notice how she only chases you when you ignore her. Tell her:

"Sex is the deepest way that two people can connect. I can't connect with someone emotionally if I can't connect with them physically." Then if she gives you bullshit about 'just using her for sex', just say that you love sex with her, sex feels great and is just another way of bringing people closer together. If she sees sex as something dirty or shameful then there is no point in taking the relationship any further. Agree with her when you say that you had sex with her too soon, but your chemistry just felt so strong that you couldn't resist your natural urges.

Tell her you can still slow the relationship down by seeing her less frequently, not by denying each other sex. So maybe just fuck her one day a week if you were seeing each other 3-4 days a week before.

Waste no time in getting rid of her if she won't have sex with you. It's such a basic human need which is fun for her too, so there's no reason for her to deny you sex unless she is up to something.

Yap I saw that pattern, that she chases me only when I am not chasing her and then she comes back and is all the nice of a sudden. She never did anything good for me. Was that too much invest in the beginning I mean I organized the dates, payed the trips and stuff? I didnt had any issue with that becuase I have no money problems. But in her head it might arrive a bit differently. You think I could have behaved needy and gave her too much attention in the beginning? I enjoyed my time with her and it was realy fun! I mean its about giving and taking and not because anyone demands it ... I think I can label her as non girlfriend material and see where it goes, out of curiousity ... I think its best to give up hopes and move further!
I know this is brainfucking but I just want to get the most knowledge out of the situation and know where I am standing. I saw some stuff on facebook that she wants the other guy who she went with to come back home faster. Dont know if its to make me jelous as well and start to chase her further otherwise you dont post that stuff public, just tell the people personaly? What would be the best strategy to flip the coin on this one? Can I look for any behavioral clues on this one? I mean at our first date she was completely open about physical contact and her getting naked in my bed ......

Anyway planned to make a next date outside being nice cuddle friends again. I will use your tactic and then go back to her place for exchanging some photos where I will escalate again. If she blocks again and denies sex whatssoever I will leave and freeze her ....

My resumee is that I realy dont know where I stand with her. On the one hand she can be nice but on the other ... I dont know if everthing she tells me is a lie or I should give her the benefit of doubt?

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Only be friends with her if you can handle it emotionally when you find out she fucks other guys. If you can't handle the jealousy, wish her all the best for the future and move on, block her number, block her Facebook.

Hey lads,

some update from my side. I did something different. I hang out with her all evening at some lake, I organized a lot of things like the wine bottle, some food and so on. The romantic bla bla stuff and connected with her on a friendly level. No big game, just cuddling and FEW kissing, some DHVs and telling each other stories about our lives. Nothing big but I build massive comfort and rapport with her. Also I complimented her a lot to get her insecurities away. Later on we went to her place and ended up in bed having fun. She completely melted away and did NOT show any resistance or LMR after all. First time since we started dating. She was completely open and free from any pressure. I made her horny as hell and she nearly raped me. No freez out from my side no games or whatssoever. Just me having fun and her . On the morning she didnt want me to leave or anything she didnt felt so good in ages she told me. Completely relaxed and satisfied.

Thanks for your advice,
Hejsan

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