I've been working on being more stoic. My LTR (8 months) is a little crazy and subject to depression and rage. First I've learned not to try to solve her feelings, and to listen. The next step is learning not to take that shit seriously and just giving her space when she's being bitchy (rather than directly engaging her random emotions in a results oriented conversation - I used to think I could just make her explain herself until she worked through the bullshit).

However, next time she gets pissed-at/pissy-with me, I'm likely to feel upset and disrespected. Here's an excerpt from our average fight:

(her, depressed): "Are you leaving? You're an asshole!"
"Look, I'm going home right now. It's not punitive, I'm not going to be able to sleep if I am here"
"It IS punitive!"

her: the next day: "Just because I was depressed didn't mean I didn't want to get laid."
me, internally: [you just made me feel like I am the villian, the ruiner, and not the fucking conquering king that my masculine ego demands. That's a fucking boner killer!]


I see it as a question of

1. Putting up with Shit
versus
2. Being Affected

As captain of the ship it's my job to care about the first mate, but I am responsible only to her NEEDS and not always her WANTS.

Leave?
Threaten to leave?
Try my damnedest to be the stoic rock?

My grandfather was a man's-man/rock. He would say "if I wanted to get some, all I had to do was piss her off and fire her up a little bit and it would be a good night."

I feel like amused mastery is the correct response to just about everything.