I know for a fact she did not sleep with him last night. This is my considered response,

"Last night you had arranged for a male friend to come and sleep in your bed. I am disappointed in you and somewhat embarrassed at how you choose to rationalise it. A reversed perspective, “Baby, I have been talking to my friend and she says she is so bored, so she is going to come around. She will sleep in my bed, because she can't sleep on the sofa, it is uncomfortable. Don't worry, it's OK, he really fancies my friend and I don't really want him over. It is just because I have the biggest bed in the house.”

I am usually decisive when it comes to this, but I chose to attempt to rationalise for you, after our conversation I had some concerns in my mind that were not letting me relax, so I phoned a friend of mine who is good with women and whose opinion I respect. I told him the scenario, that I was seeing a girl long distance and she arranged to have a male friend over to sleep with her in her bed. I told her that it was just a friend and that myself and her were fine. I told him your reasons and he told me that it was unacceptable, and I should end the relationship immediately, that you were giving yourself plausible-deniabilty that nothing would happen. He said says she would say to you in her mind nothing would happen, then if something did, she could absolve herself of the responsibility. He also suggested that you were just sleeping with the guy. At this point it was 02:10 and I messaged you on Facebook, anticipating this.

I could not fully doubt his opinion so I asked my SPAM who was still up what he thought. He said she may have had no interest in the guy, but as a matter of respect for your partner, sleeping with another man is something you should not do. He agreed that your reasons and excuses were infantile.

I passed no remarks when I saw this comment on Facebook, 'you two guys are drivin me crazy with you opaaa but i really do like it can t wait to see both of you together so i can bother you with my opaaa hahaha'
Now my dear, I have to ask you to explain what you meant.

I am was not interested in you for the way you look, I wanted you as a person good and bad because I saw a distance in you and a difference. I saw both strength and weakness from your experiences, and a vision of the beauty of life. I believe there is no point introducing negativity into a relationship, unless for small things, for reasons of attraction. When it is something like this, you will not see me get angry. I will say though, no woman sleeps with you man, no man sleeps with my girl; that is unwritten for any serious relationship.

I have asked the opinion of two people, something I would not ordinarily do, and both say I am absolutely right to talk to you seriously about this. So I ask you to explain both last night and the Facebook comment."

I will send her this message and not contact her tonight and freeze her out for a while.

One question I have is going forward, in terms of attraction, would it be better to ignore it completely and not do this? Will I lose attraction through doing this? (I am certain I have not lost attraction yet)

Is there any disadvantage in just getting over it and letting it go? Technically, we have already passed this buy, so the only way is out or continue. If she admits that she was going to cheat I have to break, if she says he was just a friend then it is ok but disrespectful. There is reasonable doubt that she was not going to cheat, she had talked about me to this male friend.

So is just getting over it and continuing the relationship an option seeing as I have already addressed it once with her? Any other way is ending the relationship. She says, in her way, she wants a relationship based on truth and nothing was going to happen, I have an option to believe that.

A problem is I have a lingering doubt in my mind, and an understandable distrust and anger. Am I right in saying there is no advantage to readdressing this, with the angle that it is crossing the line and disrespectful, unless I intend to end it? My experience is that these things are better left alone and re-debating it will do no good, my feelings will either heal with time or we will break up. Is this bad communication if I don't express to her my concerns?