Just so that we're clear, did you have sex with this girl?

Yes several times

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A huge pussy, but that's about to change!

She is gonna fuck other guys. Destroy the "perfect" image you have of her in your head. Accept it and move on.

If you could fuck ANYBODY in the world right now, would it be your ex girlfriend? No it wouldn't.

Your attitude is not normal. If she had been your girlfriend for 6 months, a year or more, then maybe. But you saw this girl 4 WEEKS??

Don't come back here until you've fucked another girl. Good luck.

I see what you are getting at. I don't really have a "perfect" image of her though. She told me her sexual history, so i knew she wasn't the "perfect girl". I think what's hurting is not, that she is with other guys, but that she's already romantic involved with some other dude.

It makes me feel both relieved and sad. Relieved that i got rid of her now rather than later, but sad because it seems like, i was just "fun" for her.

At the plus site " I fucked this hot chick, and that's a morale boost! "

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A huge pussy, but that's about to change!

She was a fling, nothing more. Play the field. Stop looking for a girlfriend. Women come and go in your life. Stop relying on them as an emotional crutch. You will only be ready for a girlfriend when you have self-esteem and no attachment to outcome. Stop seeking approval and validation from other people. Be happy with who you are. It's OTHER people who should seek validation and approval from YOU.

One day you will look back at this situation and laugh.

Bro,

let me tell you one thing. I'm the same age as you, and heartbreak is as painful as your first. This shit doesnt get better through age like wine. Your first heartbreak at 15 will feel as painful as your heartbreak at 33.

I know this, because i've had my heart broken a ton of times. the only difference is, i learned how to handle it better. Like a man.

Let me tell you a little bit about my recovery. She left me last October, that's a good couple of months now (i dont even bother counting) and why she left me? the details doesnt matter. all you need to know that it was silly, childish, petty and Shallow. Type of things 15 year olds would worry about.

Anyway, enough about that. you're here to listen about my recovery.

So here i am, a few months down the line, 23 years of age and still 'recovering' from the heartbreak. I still think about her day after day, still think what could have been, how good we had it, but i fight the feelings. Cause frankly- i know that i'm worth more than the trouble she put me in, and deserve someone better. And really, you should start looking at it the same way.

The 'situation' will never change. no one cares that her best friend told her something and that it changes the ballgame completely. you're still playing the same game, she's just winning and you happen to be catching up. This still doesnt change the fact that you two broke up, for whatever reason.

just last night i had a dream that we got back together, but even in that lucid dream- where you feel that its 100% real, REALITY, i felt guilty. i felt that it wasnt 'right'. i felt like i was betraying myself.

You wanna know WHY i felt that way? you wanna know why i felt like getting back with my ex was betraying myself? its because i gained self esteem. i gained morale. i gained more confidence in myself. While im sitting here, alone, with no girlfriend, i can be content that i choose to leave her with my dignity in tact. I chose to say "FUCK YOU, I DESERVE BETTER" and walk away. I chose what's best for me, and that's what you should do too.

Frankly, it wasnt the first time i had a dream about her either, ive had loads of dreams where we would kiss, have sex, go on dates, and i'd wake up feeling shitty about it. But i cant control it, and the only thing you CAN do is cope- and be confident that One day, one glorious day- you'll find yourself living life completely fine without her, and this is why No contact is fucking amazing.

It will happen bro. It hasnt happened to me completely yet, but i've gone through it before, and i sure as hell will survive again. This time, with my dignity in tact.

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I'm listening.



Formerly Sinful of the Paragon Project. Come and say hello!

You are both right, and the moments i feel good, i already laugh about it, but it seems like i sometimes fall right back. It's like bad sex. Just in and out.

Thanks for your story. It isn't my first break-up either, it took me a lot of time to recover from my first 5 years relationship. Broke up in June, and i was devestated. Crying, feeling bad about my self almost every day. I started feeling better in october, when i moved to London. From that day i felt better and just kept going on!

I know, that i at some point will start to forget her almost completely and i'm on my way. I saw the motivational speech on this forum earlier today, with the guy saying, that you have to accept and forgive. Not forgive in a way, that i would say "Oh hi. I forgive you, now we should go back" - But more like. I forgive you, and know i can live on.

Should i "forgive her" in my head.? I could imagine it would remove that hatred i have towards her now?

I'm just asking because i'm curious and i saw the motivational speech by "Les Brown" if i'm not mistaken. And could forgiveness be the right choice?

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A huge pussy, but that's about to change!

I totally know what you meant by 'forgive'.

If you ask my opinion- and im not saying its right, you'll forgive her when you're ready. you dont decide that you do. In fact, i dont think i've forgiven my ex right now for the stupid shit she did and for putting me through crap.

It isnt something that im ready to let go of yet, regardless if we havent spoken or not. We're not friends. There is nothing to forgive.

But dont get me wrong, i KNOW what you're saying. the earlier you 'let go', the easier is it to move on, but sometimes no matter how hard you force yourself to move on and let go- the further you are from doing so. I know, because that's exactly what im trying to do. I dont want another girlfriend right now, i just want some sort of distraction to get my life back on track.

It's annoying, it really is- but not everything in life has an answer for you, we live in an age where if you have a question, there's google or a forum that will have dozens of answers, and you pick and choose which one you want to believe and follow. What im telling you right now is my experience, and i'm telling you that i'm currently in the same spot, and i'm adamant that i'm not gonna actively forgive her, i'll let time do that for me.

No matter how long it takes. If i end up hating her ass till im 70, then so be it. Its how my mind works, fighting it will only make it worse, and pretending that ive forgiven her will only betray myself and my conscience, and frankly- possibly EVERYTHING that i've built upto since the breakup.

The road to recovery isnt dotted with rose petals, its a brutal, Roll-with-the-punches crawl towards being 'normal' again. and by 'normal' i dont mean have another girlfriend and live happily ever after, i mean 'normal' as in you'll wake up, one day. And you'll be fine without her.

So stop paying more attention to her than yourself. Cause right now, you're giving her far too much credit.

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I'm listening.



Formerly Sinful of the Paragon Project. Come and say hello!

I think you are absolutely right.

I know that i just need days to heal, and i can comfort my self by the fact, that i don't feel so miserable as last time, and that the relationship was only a month, so it probably wont be that long.

But just like you say about the distraction. I need something to distract my like i had London last time. I never thought i'd recover, but i did, and London helped me so badly. I stayed there for 8 months and i felt perfect as soon as i arrived.

Now it's like i'm trying to make distractions. Working out. Practice, working, but i must admit it's quite hard keeping her out of my thoughts especially because i do a lot of the things alone. Most of my best friends has suddenly all left. One now live in Sweden, a couple of friends one hour from here, and it's basically just girlfriends who lives nearby. I talk to them, but can't really use them for other things. It is girls i could have sex with, but i don't feel attracted to them in any given way.

But as you said. Time. Time is the only thing that helps, and i just need to realize it and accept it.!

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A huge pussy, but that's about to change!