I decided to write this due to recent experiences and lots of people (including me, of course) having had and having problems grasping the core concept behind inner game. I don't know if this subforum already has something like this, and it won't be complete, but I'll expand this from time to time and improve it.
What is that core concept? Or: Initial position
The way many, if not most, people live their lifes is by living what seems to be most accepted in their eyes, and bending themselves to other people to keep them as "friends". In one short phrase: They totally depend on their environment.
Of course you have to depend on your environment to some extent if you want to live in our society. But not that way.
A lot of people have built a "second personality" on top of and around of their inner, true personality. Often they don't even remember who they really are and just think their persona is their personality. But the real one is buried.
With your personality, it's the same as with stories, sculptures and whatnot. To paraphrase a sculptist: "If I want to make a human out of a block, I chip everything that doesn't look like a human."
You subconsciously and forcedly added stuff to your personality, and now you have to take it away until you are left with more-or-less the traits you were born with.
Things to think about
I could do the same thing as everyone else and tell you what's "good" for you and what's "bad", then explain it, and end up with a whole book, but 1. no one is going to read that anyway, 2. you're a grown-up and don't need mommy to tell you what to do and 3. for many people that won't just sink in. It's easy to refuse things served on a silver plate, or misunderstand them. But if you come up with it yourself, then it will really gradually change you.
Bear in mind that this change will take time. But it will change gradually. You should focus on the process of self-improvement and notice the little changes, not on the goal and get impatient. You can not "finish to improve".
At this point I also want to recommend to you to meditate which will free your mind and gives you more control over it, so you can better focus on the important things. There are lots of threads about it on this forum, and lots of articles on the internet about "how to meditate".
I want you to "take yourself apart", to see what caused what, and then
decide yourself how you want to use that knowledge. It's your life, and it is your decision what you want to change, and how you want to change it. By thinking about those questions you learn to know yourself, and by knowing yourself you can "change" yourself.
Think about each of those points, and also value them.
Ask yourself for everything you find out:
Is this really the truth? Is it positive or negative? Does it help me, or does it hold me back from doing what I want?
- Principles with whose I was raised and taught by: Parents and relatives. School. Friends. Media and companies. Strangers.
- Things I think society expects from me.
- In what cases do I fully or partially rely on other people, and how?
- In what cases do others fully or partially rely on me, and how?
- My childhood dreams: try to find out why I had them and why I wanted to achieve them.
- What are my goals/hobbies/passions now, and why? What is holding me back, and why?
- What do I appreciate in my relatives and friends, and how do they influence me? Why should I or should I not care about it?
- In relationships of all sorts, what are my motivations behind them?
- In what actions and behaviour do strangers and "the public" influence me, and how? Why should I or should I not care about it?
- What fears do I have in which situations in life, how do they influence me, and why do I have them? How do I lessen or eliminate them?
- In what situations do I get strong emotions, what triggers them and what is the cause for me having them? For negative feelings: What weaknesses and problems could be hidden by them?
- What do I need to enjoy myself and be happy? Do I really need anything external, and what really happens when I get them? Do I hide weaknesses or cover hopes and problems behind those external things?
For now that's it. Thank you for your constructive criticism so I can improve this.
CHAT