Just a 23 old guy who's going to be running around bars alone alot and i hope most of you can help me make sense of it all.

-Last Night-
I took a train to downtown around 9 pm. i got off about 2 to 3 mile before my destination. This way i went through a high traffic of people asking for the time, a lite, directions to get me comfortable with opening. I managed to get 2 long conversations with single women walking my direction. The conversations were pleasant and i didn't push for anything.

Despite doing well even before i hit the bars i realized something was off with me. I held back and was generally a little more nervous than i thought i would be. I know the reason why as well. I txted a old oneitis i had 0 contact with for 3 months. It was a txt asking to start again. I obviously did not get a reply and part of me was waiting for it. I felt needy the whole night and was looking for validation. Terrible pregame i know.

Well i wasn't going to let that stop me so when i hit the bars it took me a while to start opening and when i did most went nowhere and i even pissed off a couple of girls. I've recently just smashed my aa a few nights ago and i had a phenomenal night then. This night was a reality check for me because instead of just focusing on opening i'm pushing for the interaction to go somewhere now. AND MAN IT IS HARD.

I still got 3 kisses though. They weren't make outs but pecks on the lips. This is good because i haven't kissed a girl for almost a year. I'm a virgin so i'm really concentrating on how to be sexual. All in all i did alot of needy approaches that night and saw why i shouldn't do it.

The most memorable interaction of the night was with this one talkative egotistical girl. Her friends were ditiching her because of her abrasive personality. I had her alone so i had body to body contact and i kissed her a few times. Then some guy came out of the bar and she just completely ignored me while talking to him.
He complimented me saying i'm a handsome guy and that she and me would go good together.

Either he was sabotaging me through compliments or he was really just trying to pawn her off on me. Either way he still made me look like a chode and i was to big of a dunce to recognize it or leave. I literally stood through the whole interaction and took the humiliation for some low quality woman who obviously had no desire for me at the end. I won't let that happen again.

I consider it a bad night but i still pushed forward so i'm not going to let it keep me down.

At the end of the night though i was really weirded out and i felt kind of sickened by all the sluttyness and hornyness displayed by humans that night. Maybe because I am a virgin and exposing myself to all that sexuality that night put my morals in shock. I grew up on disney believing in the fantasy love story. And while i left it behind years ago it still hurts watching it die.

So i went over to an old friends party last night. My first time in a long time hanging out with a social circle. I started the night of well. I was cordial and i tried not to be too egotistical. Everything was cool.

I got hammered bad at the end of the night. That's when i became super cocky and just started bragging like an idiot. Some guy called me out on it and i'm sure he humiliated me. Good. I deserved it. I started puking as well cause i got so drunk. I fell asleep too for a while :/ I must have come off as a real retard...

Now i'm afraid to hit up some the guys i met last night out of sheer embarrassment.

I kno now that i over indulge myself in everything. Drinking, smoking, confidence, spending. It sickens me and i'm sure i drive people away with this problem. I need to get some self control and calm my life down.

I have to pick myself up and dust myself off and move on. I got some inner game to work on.

I'm selfish.

I realized last night that i'm seeking some serious validation not just through women but all people as well. I want to be that cool guy that everyone likes. And while i seemed to have taught my mouth to spite some decent game I am still bad at socializing.

I opened this one girl and i was doing well and i could tell she was interested. I even sat by her friends but i mostly ignored them. while she was very warm to me her friends i could tell did not like me. Like duh i did nothing to include any of them in the interaction. One of her guy friends actually threatened to fight me. I jokingly gave my finger to his girlfriend. Which i realize now was a really dumb move. I was practically hammered though. I apologized and ejected quickly.

I need to quit the heavy drinking. Not only is it unhealthy but it makes me into this cocky moron making blunders through every interaction. Problem is i use it to give me balls and loosen me up.

I feel like a leech when i'm out gaming sometimes. Sucking on peoples time to validate my ego. I'm going to need to actively try to avoid this pitfall.

If i think about it when i only focused on opening and get a small convo. I did good. Now that i'm trying to stay in the interaction and escalate. I'm running into alot of problems and it is discouraging me. At that point i'm only thinking of what i want. I need to pay attention to the girl more and look for what she wants.

Look at all the I's in this post. Selfish, selfish, selfish

Last Saturday night i went out alone again.

I went downtown again. This time i walked around for about 2 hours talking to anyone about anything. I was asking for directions or locations of certain places. I even got into a few discussions about city life and some politics. Had a great time and by the time i got to the bar my feet were actually a little sore.

Bought 2 beers and from there i quit. I aimed to stay sober while loosening up a bit.

First set i opened was 2 girls and some older women joined in a few minutes later. Somehow the topic went over to dating. I made the comment that "girls are nuts, like they are fucking crazy". The older women got really mad told me to "shut up because i am being really offensive to women right now." I replied "and this is where i leave". Ejected turned the corner waited 2 minutes and i went back to that very same spot and began a convo with some guy.

The conversational group evolves and i noticed one of the girls from the first 2 set standing behind me. I turn and we begin talking and laughing about the older woman's over reaction. Me and her seemed to have alot in common. So we talk for a good 15 or 20 min. I kinoed her alot and often. She kind of isolated herself behind a bus stop billboard. I got closer to her and kissed her neck but i never made out with her. I'm sure i screwed it up then. Don't matter i walked her inside the bar to her friends while i was constantly pushing her ass into my crouch. I gave her a hug and got her number and left.

I took a train to another group of bars and there i opened more sets not taking it to far. I was content with one number. I should have pushed for others

Hi everyone who is reading this page of mine i hope you all are well.

I'm good. I'm staying busy and seeking to accomplish other things in my life other than game. I find that it fulfills me and makes me more whole. So whenever i have a chance to practice game i have more to give.

I have gotten sooooooooo much better at talking to women. It's really scary. Some girl accused me of hypnotizing her. I had a really strong eye contact with that one. Jesus EYE CONTACT! Is that important or what? It's amazing to me how much more powerful a technique it became for me as my inner game solidified and evolved.

I almost gotten into a marriage with a Russian. She needs papers and she became very comfortable around me and wanted me to be the guy. I had to decline because i got too much to deal with SPAM to do it. Besides i know i'm too insecure still to deal with the thought of does she like me for me or me for my citizenship?

Last saturday night i got a number from a chick. she called me up to help move a bookcase into her apartment. I accepted she paid me cash and didn't let me in. I don't know if that was a good thing or not? like did she just use me or used that as an excuse to see me? IDK i'll hit her up later this week if nothing happens meh ill move on.

The rest of my experiences i would say aren't much more noteworthy but i still learn all i can from them.

I guess this post isn't much but i just wanted to say i'm still here & growing. And for if any one is out there silently rooting for me.

I have made giant leaps in my inner game and thought processes though which i may get into next post. But from here good night and good luck.