I'm 41, 2 yr relationship with 43 yr F. Great relationship until last 6 months where meds i got put on made me very moody and led to fights. So we break up for 2nd time 6 weeks ago. I initially went beta, sent flowers, etc.. which she said really liked and she said helped but got me no-where.

Have gone NC a few times and she would txt missed me, etc.. but just wants to be friends. We last saw each other 2 weeks ago when i went over we chatted for hours. Said, I quit all meds, changing my life, got a recent promotion, etc....She was surprised but still angry, anyway had a lot of heavy petting, held each other but would not kiss me. She said ball was in my court. I responded a few days later saying i respected decision and couldn't be friends right now.

I've broken NC once over last 2 weeks, last communication she FB chats me noticing that i've started posting where i had not in past and have a number of female 'fans' commenting. She said was happy for me, but also asked if i had stayed over / slept with any of them. I have not responded, been 4 days no other contacts from her.

I refuse to give up and must at least attempt to get her back. I've been out with other girls recently, improving skills, working out, reading everything i can. What is the best next move? Do i wait and reinitiate weeks/months down the road or just wait and see if she continues to contact me and play it from there?

why didnt you respond? you either go real NO CONTACT or you dont.

you dont half ass it,, and chat with her on FB but then leave her hangin??

anwyays, best move is to show her youve changed thru your ACTIONS rather than verbally telling her "ive changed trust me"

give it 4-6 weeks

if she contacts you, just play it smooth and let her back in slowly

Clarifying the breaking no contact. Had been NC for almost 2 weeks.

Ex posts on fb last Fri night. "free agent......no job, no boyfriend, no worries....." I broke NC on Sat asking about her loss of job and we chatted briefly via txt and phone.

She then fb chats me Mon saying she was making sure i was ok, wants me to be happy and the notes about female comments, etc... and i never responded and put the message back as unread.

Thinking i screwed up contacting her to begin with, i ignored her last contact. This is where i'm all flustered as i want to respond so bad and didn't know whether to stay NC or if i should reply and see if she comes back in slowly.

Contact her, show her that you've change. Tell her everything you feel about her. Maybe in that way she will get you back again. Just show her how much you missed her, and show her the changed you.

Andyredsox, on every single thread about guys trying to get their exes back, you consistently give the worst, most beta, AFC advice possible. Are you a chick in disguise?

good luck,bro

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love

She's happy other women are interested in you, i.e. she expects you to fuck other women. Accept that it's over and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Andyredsox is either a a chick in disquise or an example of what an AFC will do.

Terrible advice. Seriously wondering if this was a troll attempt.

Biggest mistake you made was breaking NC. Can you honestly say the only reason you contacted her following her FB post was because of the "no job" comment? Are you telling me the "no boyfriend" comment had no effect on you? NC means NC. If you know you can't control yourself, block her so you're not tempted and don't unblock her until you can control your emotions.

She's gaming you and you're falling into her trap.

.

Ok, since i already suck at NC and your right, i went ahead and responded, here is the context and she replied immediately. She also seems to know everything i'm doing based on my FB posts.

me 'Stayed with Grant last time i came by. Am happy, stopped trying to pursue happiness and just live it everyday. New doc took me off all meds from the past year and guess what, moody XXXX is gone You'd like to hang with what remains'

her ' Hey there, glad you are doing ok, Not hearing back made me think u may not want to be in touch. Glad you are off everything... It makes such a difference for your well being Glad u are taking it day by day, thats how i live and look at glass half full, hence why i let us battle it out as long as we did Would love to see u when u move up to ATL. Nothing romantic though, Still not up for anything right now. I don't have start date for job, signed offer letter Mon and going through criminal check. Hope you and Chloe (my dog) are excited about moving to ATL.

I move Wednesday, and my plan is.
Get Settled in ATL; focus on new job role, financial, crib
Physical Improvement: Start mix of Cross training, Yoga, Jujitsu, Kickboxing, start next Thursday. Slow back into Triathlons and racing MTB and Motocross/Enduro (something that REALLY turned her on)
Mental Improvement: Read more PUA literature, self-improvement books, improve my game, how to treat and keep a woman.
Social: i have 1-2 interested women in ATL, going to play that out creating better social circle.

My dilemma is this will undoubtedly take a while. Sounds like she wants to friendzone me, how do i keep her interested enough while i improve and get to a point i can show changes.

if it were me, i would tell her straight up, " Im not interested in the friendzone stuff, relationship only, if friendzone is where you have put me then I would prefer No Contact."

Hey. Chasing a girl sucks. One guy here already said "plenty of fish in the sea" and it's 100% true. But my guess is you already knew that. Best option is to start over with someone else, but since you asked about getting her back...

Here's what can be done. U need to convey to her that you have potential and that you're going to grow. That's one of the ways women pick men to begin with. Most are interested not in the current alpha male, but in the male who has the potential to become alpha in the future. It's very attractive. And creating such perception of yourself doesn't take much.

Just some ambitious, passionate talk about the things you intend to do and accomplish. That's how I got my current LTR GF interested in me approx 6 months ago. I asked if she'd like to hear some interesting stories about what's happening to me, to be a person I tell stories to. She said ok and gradually this allowed me to convey my peronality to her and she fell in love with it. She came from another country and she lives with me now. So this stuff is powerful.

But in your case u gotta setup a meeting with your woman if you can and talk to her about your plans, be passionate about it. And be 100% positive. No negativity, neediness or anything. Don't ask her for anything. Just tell her. She will respond to value, it's hardwired.

And in case she won't meet you u can still try and do this with text. In FB, text messages (more personal, so better), anything will do. Later you can try to meetup again, hopefully she'll say yes by then.

If there's any way I can help you more - let me know. I'll be happy to.

I'm 100% she will meet up with me although it will be under her terms as friends. Our breakup has been over a number of weeks and here are the mixed messages i've been getting, albeit less frequent since going NC for a few days and as time passes by. I do still have a key to her place she hasn't asked back yet.

*Started about missing me, mad when i didn't reply, then lead into anger of past issue of me treating her bad.
*Mentioned wanted to be friends, go ride bikes like we used to, go out to eat, that i could spend the night (on the couch), etc... but no sex
*Mixed in messages of wanting me to be the man, fight for her, step up.
*Every time we talked in deep conversation of what i am doing to change she would text me after saying don't read into it as getting back together but that she has liked everything i've said and wanted to keep talking.
*Stated she hated the NC and that would drive her away faster
*She has a 11yr old daughter and had difficult monetary situation, said had to focus on getting new job.
*Stated she didn't want a relationship right now, but didn't want to see me in her hangouts with any other women.
*Accused me of trolling for other women and that she meant nothing. (post break-up)

I really think she wanted a ring by two years and i totally missed it and placed no value on her for a while as my meds and neglect her when she was having a rough time with her career. Just months ago she wanted me to move in.

All just an act to get what she wanted. If you want this girl back, the only way to do that is to deny her these social things that she wants. Tell her she only deserves those things when she is your lover, no matter how much you miss doing those things too. Very clever of her. Appealing to your manly side to try and convince you that "fighting" for her is not needy, weak behaviour. Don't fall for this. Strong men walk away, she will respect you more for not needing her in order to be happy. You are such a pushover. You are providing her with all the information she needs to re-assure her she made the right choice to leave you. Cut off contact and she will wonder what you're doing and most importantly she will miss you. If you remain in contact, there's no mystery, no sense of wonder, no unpredictability... all things which are required for her to see you in a sexual way. This girl has zero sexual attraction towards you, but misses you just as a friend. Never listen to dating / relationship advice from women. They always want the exact opposite of what they say. That's bad for her, but if you're not her boyfriend, it's got nothing to do with you, not your problem. You are a man, you will do whatever the hell you want. She has no right to tell you what to do, she's not your girlfriend, she's not even fucking you!!! Shouldn't have dumped you then. She dumped you, so you obviously meant nothing to her also. She can't just have her a cake and eat it. Dude, do you really want to marry a chick with low self esteem, severe insecurity issues, controlling manipulative behaviour with the baggage of extreme emotional drama and a daughter? Find a secure woman who doesn't need to bully a guy to feel good about herself. By all means fuck this woman if she wants it, but never consider friendship, she will see to it that you never get another girlfriend ever again if you keep her as a friend.