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I keep having this problem, that everytime I meet a new girl and start texting her for a while I begin to be needy and start caring. This means I start getting nervous if she'll respond and so on. Another issue is that my text game sucks - and I find it hard to build attraction/spike buying temp with these girls making me more needy.
This has manifested itself in the most recent girl I've been seeing which has been for the last month. I have slept with her on 5 seperate occasions and simply my neediness killed it. She was really into the attraction at the beginning, even saying to me, saying that she didn't want me going away with some other girl when I'm out in town. But the last week or so, she doesn't really appear to have bothered - I still got away with it and managed talk my way out of it. She has now flaked, after I had a phone call from the police regarding an accident she was indirectly involved in the night she met me and got grilled - I freaked out and text her if she gave them my number but no reply, I waited four hours, for her to finish work and again nothing, so I called her, no reply (she has her phone on silent often but still) and then text her to say that I don't leave voicemails, I would like to speak to her. Got a text 15 minutes later saying she had been busy with work, was out for a meal and that she gave them my number (with no kiss on the end). I know I shouldn't have done this. I could tell she was pissed off. Left it till the next morning to make out it wasn't a big deal and have a good day - no reply. Left it a few days and text again to ask if she wanted to meet me in town as I would like to see her - again no reply. My wing, who is seeing her friend text her friend and she said that she 'didn't know' but I must have pissed her off badly and that she wasn't interested. I do however know where she works, so was thinking if I phoned her I would maybe be able to clear things, at least get closure - I know this sounds so afc and not the right thing to do.
So, I know I'm putting this girl on a pedistal but I seem to be doing this everytime. I couldn't even perform game properly because that was affecting my sub-text that night. I have thought about CBT sessions, but that is expensive.
Please could someone advice on what do regarding my neediness/validation seeking in general and what I should do with this girl - is it a dead horse worth pursuing?
There are multiple issues here, and luckily for you, they are issues I have had to battle on multiple occasions. I'm proud to say that were it not for the work I put in, I wouldn't be doing what I do today.
First and foremost, (in your signature) your deep spiritual realization that all life is game... is very unhealthy. You need to break out of this community crap and realize that women are not that complicated, nor are they that important. Its sad to see all those community guys that drop their friends, their lives and everything really to focus on this shit. What kind of a life are you creating for a woman? Would she want to be a part of your life? Honestly...
Get non-community friends. Go out to NOT pickup. You heard me. Go out to just be yourself, shoot the shit and have fun with friends. Once a week I have dinner with my boys. No talking to or about women. Just us. Men use to sit around a fire and discuss, we don't do that anymore.
Next, neediness and validation seeking are all symptoms of a deep problem. I mean jesus christ mate, you asked your friend to ask her friend?! If you are in high school this would make sense, but if not... What the hell are you thinking? I want you to listen carefully:
A MAN DOES NOT HAVE TIME TO OBSESS OVER A WOMAN. EVER. Repeat it to yourself as many times as you have to until it sinks in. Your problems of neediness points to the fact that you have low self-esteem. You have low-self esteem because you have nothing going for yourself. You have nothing going for yourself because you have not been
tested. This may sound harsh but Im saying it because I care, and I genuinely want you to grow as a man.
Now, what do I mean by you have not been tested? A man's journey is to find his purpose. Your entire life should be to create an identity, to root yourself in who you are, and from there, to discover what it is you were meant to leave behind in the world. Everything else is a distraction. Women are a distraction. OH MY GOD, did I just say that on a pickup forum? Well... yes. Women should be 10% of your journey. The time and effort you put into figuring this out should be put into discovering your passions, deepening your life and unleashing your full potential. The strangest part of all this is that once you stop caring so much about women and how they react to you, they start to chase you. YEP, working on your life and enriching your character does in fact lead to more women! But how?! Simple. We often say that women should be part of the adventure, but most guys make women the adventure. Once you actually CREATE THE ADVENTURE that is your life, she will NATURALLY want to be a part of it. It is in her biology to want a man who is just that; a
man. So while you waste time trying different ways to see how she will react, you are actually sub-communicating that you are not man enough to handle her. Because of that, she will not respect you (as is the case with your girl) and a woman can
never be attracted to a man she does not respect.
So what do I do?
Renounce. You no longer need anything from anyone. You are complete the way you are and are on a journey to better your life. Every woman is a welcome addition but not a necessity. Stop checking your phone every 5 minutes. And dont do it because you want to seem high-value or whatever other bogus technique the community preaches. Do it because you genuinely ARE too busy to check your phone. Be real! Let her discover you. How can she discover you if you havnt discovered yourself? Your neediness and her reaction to you are hurting your ability to game?! Stop fkn gaming. Go out and be a man. Treat people like people. Get to know women as individuals and stop attaching value to them. Remember, you no longer need anything from them. Your sub-communication will align with this mindset and you will no longer betray yourself by being needy, not because you are good at hiding it, because you
TRULY ARE NO LONGER NEEDY.
You'll find yourself living a much more complete life. I promise
Love and lots of it
Mack
CHAT
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