Day 75 , Sunday - goodbye Swiss girl another new wing and FB close

So today I met the Swiss girl as promised. I hope to be offered an adequate explanation for yesterday as that weirdest Shizz I've ever seen . "You touch me anywhere other my vagina and mouth. Really? REALLY??!??" So I met up with her and.....

Nothing. Really , nothing. The conversation felt awkward as fuark since I almost when all the way with her yet here we were , speaking like we just met.

Eventually after an hour or so of garbage talk I begin to get irritated and-

Me- So what was last nigh about ?
Her- what do you mean ?
Me - well I barely got a kiss . And you never wanted to have sex with me but let you grope and grab everywhere. Oh and you were enjoying the dry humping too.
Her- well I said several times I just wanted to be friends and hang out.

I know , very retarded of me but I was so curious as to what her take on yesterday was . We talk more garbage and then it hits me : I was friend zoned. The LJBF speech , NO SEX and wanted to just hang out... this was my life story all over again...

Somewhere in the conversation she mentioned she did MDM ( think that's how you spell it? ) , ecstasy ,mushrooms and amphetamines in the past. And she does weed almost daily. This doesn't put me off as I would've thought druggies SHOULD be putting out faster and this confuses me even MORE.

I ask about what she did after yesterday and she says she was watching movies with a guy yesterday. I ask wasn't that me ? She said no , some other guy and it all makes sense...

She was texting some Swiss dude whilst we were cuddling in bed yesterday ( didn't think much of it at the time ) and he came over afterwards. The very thought of a 6'7 blonde banging the crap out her ass in a speedy motion was very sickening to picture yet it wouldn't leave my mind at all. If I think about , all I did in reality was prepare her sexual so when he comes he gets an easy ride into sex. I truly felt humiliated today...

I couldn't take this at all , I feel a whole range of emotions churning within me and I just stop walking and she stops too-

Me- I can't do this. I can't do this anymore. I DON'T want to be your friend. I CAN'T be your friend. Have a good life.
Her-ok

And I walked away. This girl gave me the same response throughout yesterday too. "Let's go for coffee" "ok" lets walk around waiting for my friend" "ok" "lets to to the mall since the party is cancelled" "ok" "lets go to take the tube to your house" , etc.

It was an indifferent ok. There was not a HINT of neediness , yet wasn't monotone it was discouraging. Then it hits me- she had more game than me.

Honestly where do I go from here? Do I text this girl a week later or what? I really think my one-itis for her is growing stronger by the minute. After all , it was my first time I kissed , snuggled and groped various body parts of a woman. It felt good. So good in fact that I pushed over the edge and had to resort to masterbating to relieve this sexual frustration she caused me.

Meeting Asian wing

After this I meet the Asian wing I wanted to meet. He's really cool and glad I did meet him. However turns out HE doesn't like approaching Asians girls and prefers western girl so this fear won't be confronted today it looks like.

We do a whole bunch of approaches and I plan a day 2 with a Russian girl . I fb close her ( doesn't have UK number ) so I was happy with that. I constantly push my wing into sets and it pays off !! He gets 6 hour instadate with made me really happy for him. I suddenly felt alone...no wing...no Swiss girl and I was in a one-itis mood. I go home as did enough approaches and I started to get thirsty giving me a dry mouth , which lowers my confidence so there's no point.

The positive side of today , I realised was that I was close to sex twice this week ! I can feel the elusive lay approaching soon!!!

I text my wing good luck and get home.

I only have you guys to turn to here. I'm sure I'm getting a hard one-itis for this girl , it's the furthest I've been with a girl. I remember when I got my first number close with the Swedish girl. The one-itis lasted a month. Imagine this one.

How do I escape the friendzone here. She firmly kept putting her foot down for hours ! I spent 7 hours and it all went to shit! She wants to hangout and make friends and hang out at my "parties." She's very outcome independent , indifferent in her response and is a free spirit.

Thanks for reading guys , I really hope I get a response since I can't understand or now to deal with this at all.

Day 76 ,Monday - number close and an insta-date

First of all I just wanna adress the quality issues I have in my journal. I realise the quality is becoming bad. Every time something bad happens has to be thrown into the journal NOT from a place of learning and self-improvement but a place of ANGER.

Skills 360 already identified my issue with Swiss girl - I was needy and getting mad if she wasn't complying. I was being LOGICAL not Emotional. I will need to change this ASAP. It cost me a lay and a missed opportunity to lose these Virgin shackles.

Going central

My new Indian wing and I meet up in fe central. We warm up by doing blowout approaches. I meet a HB 8 from South Africa and close her , was pushing for an insta date but she had to meet her friend so I number closed on the premise we meet up again.

Then as we were walking around . The HOTTEST girl I seen in a while , perfect body , face , she had orangish hair upto her waist walks past me. she was around 5'6 which was perfect proportions to me ! I get a little approach anxiety but decide FUARK IT ! By this time , she was already have a block infront but I sprint towards her regardless !! Then she enters a small shop and I try to talk my way out of it to my wing but he wasn't having any of it. I then reluctantly get in and as I do-

Security guard- Lads the men's section is downstairs ( smirking)
Us-ok thank you...

I couldn't believe it! He really cock blocked me! And I felt I couldn't argue with security so I just left after .

Chinatown

I tell my wing about my fear of approaching Asians so he makes me to Chinatown with him. Literally just being in an environment full of Asians with many social circles hanging around made me scared as hell. Literally a couple mins in I just froze up. All I did was encourage my wing for an hour or so instead.

Golden street

Then after this we went into a long road we both like to call Golden Street. Basically it's a street with medium traffic but there's ALWAYS a beautiful hot girl every couple steps nearby.

So then I see an Asian with light-brown eyes and a blessed as... I hesitate for a good 10 seconds and then approach-

HB 8 Asian

Me- H-h-h-i-I I've noticed you've got light brown eyes but your Asian??? ( outer game is COMPLETELY fuarked here btw )
Her- Yeah I'm half Thai , erm I gotta , but thanks !
Me- bye !

Analysis

Honestly , I've never ran shit game like this in a GOOD while. My voice , body language , eye contact , EVERYTHING was gone . She completely broken me in just a gaze. I really am thankful though , I saved face because of her ejection. But this is a stepping stone ! The first time I directly approached an Asian !

Instadate

After this I saw a very tall woman (~6'1) with a beautiful walk past me , without hesitation I GO.

I stopped her with direct complement. We spoke about we're she's from ( Italian) and we spke back and forth till I said I had 10 mins to spare , let's grab some coffee. She agreed and I got sparkling water instead since I don't drink coffee (disgusting by the way) . We sit down next to each other. I do some palm reading to find out more about her.

Turns out she's an incel as her looks isn't considered beautiful ( though she is stunning ) so we had a running joke about her being an incel ( within banter ) and she only had one serious relationship and its been along time since she dated or had sex.
I could've sworn i saw pupils dilate at some point but wasn't sure how big they were supposed to get before it signifies attraction (later at home I research and realise it golden time to kiss ).

We talk and connect some more till I time-constraint about having to meet a female friend who's going shopping with me ( testing jelousy plot ). She then began shit-testing the crap out of me-

Her-"Are you gay"
Her- "I would just LOVE to have a gay best friend"
Her- "how old are you ??"

To the first two I just bantered and kept it funny. For the last one i said I was 22 ( thought 18 would be too young) . I knew she was older so I guessed her as 40 downwards one at a time to really attack her LOL ! Turns out she was 29 almost 30 !! I just reframed and moved on as if nothing happened. I then kept building social kino until I decided I should be holding her hand. She laughs and says she'll only hold her boyfriend's hands (Abu test) I laugh it off and carry on as if nothing happened.

I realized this girl was a little rusty to the whole dating thing so I really didn't want to push so far escalation wise so I just did a hand holding routine which worked. Then after a while I time constrained and kissed cheeks , number closed with the intention of seeing each other on Thursday

Analysis

I think I'm understanding insta-dates a little more know , really happy I dated a taller and older woman (11 years !! ) today. I will be pushing for the kisses from now on too. I'm glad I don't have to really break my back to get a date now and I'll keep striving to improve myself , making this part of my lifestyle.

My outer is ok now , my wing is satisfied with it , but I think I still need to adjust my lower back and neck a little more to fully straighten up. My voice is normally on the lower side now and I make my eyes a teeny little smaller with a small eye-smile. I realized my eyes used to be wide open due to AA before which is bad (looks needy). Though my eyes and tonality still isn't in full habit I'll work towards this.

In general , my AA is very little after a few blowout approaches. Asians are of course an exception. I will be working to confront this fear more often:

Claws

Day 77 , Tuesday - Better texting !

Today I had to do interning for a job and look after the house so I couldn't go out , however I texted Italian HB an hour or so after we hung out. This text message is until Wednesday.

*monday*

Me-Don't think about me and study haha! (17:59)

*Tuesday*

Me-Hey beautiful incel ! Did you the coffee keep you awake for you awake for your lessons (15:41)
Her-Hi dear! yes I didn't follow any lesson cause the classroom was full I go in a free English lesson! How was your day? Take care baby (17:24)
Me-Even though you got there so early... my day was ok , tired from work...but was dreaming about you though so I was ok ! how was your day?(18:04)
Her- Come on! Mine was boring...i feel sick4the missed lesson and now I'm coming back home to have a hot shower! See you soon (18:08)
Me-Oooh hot shower I see...imagine a nice massage after , got to go now , text later ! (18:14)
Me-Inceeeeeel , I have great news !!! (23:31)

*Wednesday*

Me-French incel , I'm bored at work , I feel like Cinderella ! (18:43)
Her-Oh dear!before became a nice princess u have to be cindarella!dont give up I sport4u ! Take care (18:46)
Me-Be my fairy godmother ? I want to go to the party (18:48)

Text game is really hard ! This is an improvement since im actually getting replies now. Before I just pushed for a day 2 right off the bat lol , I realise I must entertain her and keep a fun text conversation before I do push for it.

Since we made vague plans to meet on Thursday I have to push the interaction now when I wake up Thursday since I have a 12 hour shift till 6am Thursday.

I basically am aiming it have a reference point ( incel here) and keep repeating it for familiarity. I must also make my texts MUCH shorter lol.

On Wednesday I begin a 12 hour shift as a desk controller at a cab company!

Claws

Day 78 , Wednesday- day game and a 12 hour shift

Today I met up with my wing and we sarged ! I ended up Fb closing a Australian HB since she didn't have a UK number yet.

I also wanted to strengthen my knowledge of pupil dilation so I attempted the 60s non-verbal escalation.

We went into SPAM to get me "gate-tested" as my wing would say. It's basically where they make you try on a shoe and see which would fix your leg problems. I attempted to non-verbally escalate with the hiredgun. NO PUPIL DILATION OR ANY IOI!!! Lol , this shouldn't work 100% of the time right?!?!

I also managed to finally close another girl around my age ! She was 19 , Russian and stunning. She also does A levels I central ! Since she was in a rush I couldn't instead ate by number closed ! I also never saw any pupil dilation and her eye's were super-blue so it shouldn't be any problem detecting it so this is a bad sign. I already had minimal report and kino as it is so this is probably a flake I guess. Though I'll still practise text game on her.

I ALMOST closed this older Ukranian HB (30s) . The more she shut tested my age , the more I kino'd and eventually she just said
"Your crazy !! I'm WAY older than you !!"

Though I found this hilarious , I had no idea how to reply and let her eject. I definitely saw dilated pupils here but her ASD prevented her from giving in to me I guess. I also never had enough game to convince her otherwise .

Later I had to go to the cab hiring place I was interning at. They gave me my shift, 6pm to 6am....

The job was straightforward booking the can hiring. It the guys there...so much AMOGS... Everyone wanted to assert their dominance on each other and get more jobs. Since I was the youngest here and was booking their jobs , they tried to be condescending through ways such as
"Come on , son it's my turn"
"Come on boy"
"Yes child"

And more in that pattern generally. I had to lead these crazy barbarians. I had to be fair yet stern. Calm yet assertive. Sympathetic yet decisive. This was tough as hell. And i was working 12 hours !!!

I remember dealing with a black guy who was trying to bounce this chick to a hotel -

Me-hi, where you guy going to?
Him-*** boss.
Me-ok , any other stops?
Him- No thanks , DAMN I'm freezing !!
Me-ok , name,
Him- **** , what else , I'll give you my passport too if you want man !

The girl in the background was giggling the whole way through.
The dude had a confident swagger around him, very friendly and cocky funny at the same time. He was most importantly :in complete control. So this is what it would take me to get crazy game. I needed a stronghold of self-esteem and confidence within somehow. I plan to venture even deeper into inner game some how.

This job is awesome for me I guess since I won't be so damn broke anymore and can afford insta dates , club game and bar game ! I also can improve my style , I want to venture deeper into smart casual and full abandon my swag-fag ways ! Since my job is a 12 hour long shift I have too much time on my hands so its easier to create better entries .I'll end this here since in about to fall asleep LOL !

Claws

Day 79- Thursday - anxieties 

Today I got home around 6.40am from work , slept till the afternoon , ate and went back to sleep till 10 pm. I've never been this tired before. 

I text Italian HB-

Me-hey French Incel , I'll be having coffee with my friend in Oxford later , meet me! Dress cute and casual. (14:47)

I know this message wasn't perfect but I don't get it. She was all enthusiastic about meeting me for Thursday , but why the hell isn't she coming when I'm providing her with an opportunity ? I still don't have a reply...

Also , I have the strongest one-itis for Swiss girl I've ever had for any girl. I predicted this would happen so I was starging like crazy for an insta date. I met Italian HB and hope she would remove this but she flaked me now... This pushed my one-itis to limits it's never reached before , literally every few seconds or so she's continuously popping into my mind. I've had a lot of first experiences with this girl so I get why, but this is bad. Real bad.
I know if I call or text her now , she'll never reply. I can't follow my heart here , it only fucked me in the past. I must listen to Skills360 and freeze her out and show I'm not needy , but how can I not be?

I'm not a man of abundance who can easily walk away and get another girl. I'm not a man who has something to fall back on. I'm NOT a guy who has many choices with girls. What do i do instead? Pretend I'm awesome and the shit? I'm really not. I'm an 18 year old virgin who has no real success with women. 

I remember sarging with my wing once and he said "I can't believe the amount of time we're spending doing something like this." I really don't right now too. Why is it so damn hard? Why must I continuously be intop of my game with women and have a hidden agenda? Why can't I just be honest WITHOUT triggering her ASD? Really , gays guys and girls don't know how easy it is for them. This feels literally like a dream. Something I KNOW exists but I can't achieve.

Why do I believe in game? I know guys who are ugly as hell but at the same time pull VERY hot girls. Thing is these guys genuinely believe they are the most awesome guys ever and the girls are at a loss for not picking them. I really don't know how I can do this.
Valentine's day is approaching and for 5 years straight I wanted a valentine. I've been rejected/friendzoned every single year. I really cannot see myself pulling through this year's valentine without a valentine. I also cannot picture myself WITH a Valentine.

There are my honest anxieties I'm having right now.

Claws

First off claws stop trying to chase the thought of her out of your head. I'm guessing its frustrating you that you can't stop thinking about her, because apparently this is bad and someone who is in your position shouldn't be dealing with this BS. The very fact you keep trying to force the thought of her out of your mind is making you think about her more and more... Instead shake hands with the thought, greet it. Try this whenever you think about her laugh to yourself as if you thought of a funny joke. Why? because this whole situation is so funny, honestly just take a minute to take a step back and re frame it in a comical light.
Stop trying to see the end result of all of this pick up, instead focus on the part of the journey you are on now. Stop focusing on what you are "not", any human on this earth can do a huge list with thousands are I'm not this, I'm not that... Focus instead on what you are. you are someone who has decided to actively improve yourself, you are someone who has made some crazy progress probably nothing a long the lines of what you thought possible a couple of months ago.

What do you mean you can't achieve, your achieving it already. Its like a fat guy looking in the mirror who has just started loosing weight and is thinking to himself where the hell is that six pack already. That six pack will come but it isn't just around the corner.

Realise that the self-doubt which is happening is completely normal and everyone goes through this. When reading through your journal I have a mental image of graph with time on the x axis and progress on the y axis. The line on the graph starts at 0 and constantly is increasing diagonally upwards.

Keep up this crazy progress you are making man !!!!. Personally I would delete the swiss girls number, go out there I find another girl just as good.

Eyrie

_________________
My journal: eyrie-s-journal-to-becoming-the-man-vt148355.html

--If you are not giving, you are not living--

Thanks Eeyrie. Well it kind of is a ridicuolus joke i guess. I mean i meet a girl one day and end up in her bed the same day , her giving me stiff LMR and me totally taking the bait , getting mad and needy. I get the worst one-itis ever. I'l try to reframe it.

I guess i have made alot of progress from when i've started out. Focusing on the end-result instead of enjoying the now does seem silly , but i don't want a lay to be the END result , but a constant occurence in my life (if that makes sense. )

I guess every male can make a list of what he isn't. This is a negative pattern i've made , it's just the frustration of being virgin still is getting to me some times. The fat guy losing weight is a perfect explanation which really is hitting the nail here. I have made progress and should continue doing so.

I have made a plan to contact her in about a week or so , and go all-out , putting a lid on the Swiss girl for good. I must also try NOT to get mad if she puts up LMR and not get needy. LMR is completely normal so the girl won't feel like a slut. Thanks for this man , it really has helped bring me back up.

Claws

Day 80 , Friday - 2 set fun !

Today I went out with my wing to central ! If you've read my previous posts you'll know about my irrational fear of Asian women , it was going to be confronted head on today

The picking game

This is a game me and my wing enjoy a lot. Basically your wing picks you a target and you MUST approach no matter what. Then you pick one , and you go in turns. My wing pointed out a super-hot girl. This girl could seriously qualify for Victoria's Secret. I dive in before I talk myself out of it, however this woman is moving so fast ! By the time I caught up , we were in the middle of a clothing shop. There was a faggot shopkeeper smirking at me as if he knew what I was gonna do. I tap and go infront -

Me- hi , a little bit random but I saw you walk past me and I just wanted to say you look really nice.
Her-awe thank you !
Me-what's your name?
Her-sorry !

I walk out and don't even bother looking at the stupid shopkeeper lol. I then spot the sweetest ass in a while . I fell in love *sighhhhhh*. I realized it was my wings then so i directed it to him instead , so he follows...but doesn't approach. He claims she went into a department shop so doesn't to. And she was long gone by the time he came back. So neither of us approached her? Are you kidding me...we then attempt our first two-set ever.

Basically there was a 6 foot ish blonde and a 5'10 ish brunette. The brunette was maybe a 6'2or so and the blonde a 9. The brunette however had a nice personality I liked but the blonde was seriously boring and thought she was the shit. Both were 16 (in London , it's allowed) we sort out who wants who before we approach , since I'm opening I choose the hotter blonde , big mistake...

I open about there age and I drag it a little. I introduce my wing and we all introduce each other. I make a retarded pun on the Blonde's name and the Brunette is laughing her ASS off !!! I get so many IOIs from her whilst blonde was just being stale bread. Turns out they are both Hollister models. My wing wasn't involved in the conversation AT ALL. It was confusing since I wanted to close brunette actually since her personality was closer to mine ( yes , it's not just about looks) but wing ain't said sh!t to her but as a loyal wing I flake close blonde instead.

I ask him what was wrong. He said he just shut down when he found their age out and that they were models. We then invent non-verbal cues to signal interest and disinterest incase one changes their mind to avoid this from happening again.

Anyways this game goes on for an hour or so , ending me with two numbers. My wing then tells me he found two other guys gaming nearby so we approach (LOL)! We introduce ourselves and they were pretty cool. Turns out they were residential students for the Daygame TV bootcamp. This was their fifth and last day. There was a posh 20something year old from Cambridge who was very theoretical ( only approached once the whole time )and a 27 year old who was more proactive and practical. I tell them both about my Asian fear and oh boy was I in for a world of pain...

They kept forcing me to approach Asians and wouldn't let me get a word in. After like 5 approaches , Asians felt more humanised. I mean I already almost number closed one but I wasn't even attempting to build rapport for some reason. Later , Cambridge dude and my wing to home leaving me and 27 year old. I'll call him Banter man for now as he drops the funniest one -liners. Even normal things such as-

Me- hey that interaction looked really good , how'd it go man?
Him- it was good but she was married!

Seriously even that sentence had me in tears. It wasn't what he was saying but THE WAY he was saying them !!!! I then proceed to tell him about the non-verbal interest /disinterest indicators my wing and I made. He's keen so we GO !

We see a two-set Asian and he opens and chooses the hotter taller one. Mine was litter ally around 4'9. Nevertheless I talk and we end up talking about Chinese New Years. She said she's going to the fireworks show and hinted I should come too. Being my usual dopey self i forget when this is... There was a moment where she had difficulty explaining something and got shy and I encouraged her "no no , keep going your doing good!"

She fully explained it and after a while i noticed her legs to me and had dilated pupils !!!!! I was in ! I liked this shyness of this girl though ,kind of reminds me of some fuarked up cartoon porn LOOOOL !! Suddenly the taller just said "ok , we have to get back to our friends" and leaves dragging the girl away. She was hesitating to leave also and kept looking at me. At that time I was in the mode where I kept ejecting at the slightest resistance. This girl was clearly into me , even my wing noticed !!! From now on I will stay no MATTER WHAT!! Even I still get rejected I'll still learn a ton more and faster !!

This was ultimately the interaction that made me go from Asia phobia to YELLOW FEVER!!! Seriously I was hooked.

After this , with the exception of the Asian set , there was a pattern. I or wing opens , wing steals set and gets complete attention somehow. I fight hard to get my target. If the interaction is more than 5 minutes i barely do. Otherwise they just fall for him LOL ! After awhile we number close each other and make plans to meet up when he's back in London

That's it for now ! Take care guys !

Claws

Day 81, Saturday - first Asian number close

Yup. This happened. I texted my wing to meetup but he didn't respond so I go to central where I bump into him ?!?!? He tells me he was winging with this other dude , so I introduce myself. The wing turned out to be a 2 day graduate daygame bootcamp . We talk and stuff , he's cool. I then noticed negativity-a-brewing. Mental masterbation chit chat. This was bad. We meet up 2 other wings (both really cool and hilarious!!) , I then spot an Asian at the corner of my eyes...

Me- Hi , I saw you walk past me and i was very confused as to where your from. Your Asian , yet have brown eyes?
Her-I'm Japanese.
Me-NO ! LIAR!!!!!
Her- I am LOOOLL !!

And the rest was history. She was a boring workaholic though , she had no hobbies, nothing... She seemed very fascinated by my seemingly normal life though. I tried to push for an instadate but she had to go home. I then tried to plan a day 2 right there and then but she seemed too busy so I just said:

"You know what , before this gets a little too complicated , give me your number and we'll take it from there."

I think if I got her to open up I could've got an insta-date. But dammit she was so boring she had nothing to say a out herself !!!

Question

How do you talk to boring girls???

I then did a couple of approaches , I couldn't stay long so I had to go home. I then go home and at around 11pm I check when Chinese New Years is....

Turns out there was a fuarking celebration in Travalgar's Square at 8pm !!!!! HNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!! I missed the BEST opportunity to meet Asians galore and the girl hinted me to come...seriously , fuark my dopiness.

Lessons learned over the weekend

Don't ever leave the set.ever.
Hold onto the set as long as possible.
OPEN YOUR FUARKING EARS AND PAY ATTENTION !!!!

Seriously , forget doing awesome things I'm doing RIGHT, I'm doing far too many things WRONG. Too many rookie mistakes . This is deeply unacceptable to me. I seriously fuark too many chances I had , ESPECIALLY in the last week where I've been getting countless amounts of opportunities.

Anyways that's all for now guys , until the next time !!

Claws

Day 82 , Sunday

I couldn't go out today , too busy (((((

Day 83- first pay !

I got paid today after a 12 hour shift. So I'm planning to lose my virgin shackles on Valentine's day. I've got the money for clubs now and I'm going as direct as possible. I mean c'mon which girl with a boyfriend would go clubbing on Valentine's?? My wing wants to come too.

Day 88 Saturday (part one)

Ok , I guess I will have to explain things what's going on by topics. I don't want one gigantic post so i'll split It up.Don't worry , I'll link it all to pickup as its HIGHLY relevant.

Work

As I said before , too many angry big meathead Alphas here. The type that lift all day and get work/ shout ( mostly shout) all night. Surprisingly though the biggest alpha here is the smallest guy ( ~ 5'5 ) but he is VERY educated. He has that smart charisma thing I can't explain. He drops into my office alot to chat , he's really cool. I can't go into details but he's also involved in political circles. He says his job is only a transitional phase until his consultancy business opens up.

Now I've been talking to this man for almost two weeks and he basically tells me he would love for a young man to work for his consultancy job in an abroad branch he'll open by the end of the year. Since I can speak several languages due to my family moving around a lot when I was younger , he said I could maybe even be a translator. I tell him , I'll really think this through as its a big decision for me.

The basics if it is I'm basically going to some third world country , translate paperwork for a living.Thing is though , the pay would be very good , more than most graduate jobs too.

The only downside to this is , I'll leave everyone I ever knew and go into a highly conservative country where pickup will be next to impossible and I'll be severely lonely , I'm pretty sure the depression I've finally managed to recover from will kick back in. Also , my pickup skills are just about to take off , imagine missing out on all this fun I'm having from day gaming.

I plan to go to university when I'm 20 and experience normal university life (albeit my pickup skills should really work in my favour by then!!) and doing this just isn't good for my social circle. This is what's going on with work right now.

College

Not much to report , I'm just being social and cool here. Don't wanna practice pickup here as I don't particularly fancy anyone here.

GAME LEARNING !!!!

Basically in my shifts , since I've been incredibly free as I don't do much in this work , I've been alternating my time with:
-music making.

This is a hobby I like doing.

-reading game books/watching PUA videos.

Right now I've read around 2/3 of power of now. It's really a chore to be honest. I know this book is good for me but I prefer straight to the point books. I already finished the Gunwitch method by Gunwith , 60 years of challenge and I wanna get round to Models by Mark Manson ( think that's his name) as I heard it has good reviews. I also wanna read Chief's guide to outer game as that seems to be a big hit here.

In terms of videos I've been watching simple pickup , daygame tv , Johnny berba , good looking loser and Adam AFC videos.

-watching animes/ trolling videos

This is when I get a little bored from watching pickup stuff and procrastinate a little LOL.

Since my shifts are a little long , I just reframed it as having an office used to be my theoretical pickup lab where I learn more about pickup and watch cool vids !

claws

Day 88 , Saturday (part 2 )

Gaming

So me and my Indian wing are really progressing together which is really cool. In the beginning we both had approach anxiety and were both scared of talking to Asian chicks and now were past that. I remember on Saturday , he was hanging around with the London Lair till I came and he told me he suffered from AA till I came and that I have a fun , comfortable energy which relaxes him.

I was just touched and we kinda had a gay/ bro moment LOL !!!!

We have been practicing two- sets recently too and its been REALLY fun !! I can't even believe I was deprevimg myself of doing this !!! So far I have gotten two numbers or so from this. One was a Swedish girl (flake) and a Hollister model ( bitchy , flake AND fake number. )

Remember the 29 year old Italian incel ? Basically a woman i managed to instadate last week somewhere. I had no problems escalating verbally and being myself around her but had ALOT of difficulty escalating physically. This could be either because I didn't escalate properly , bitch shield was up ( I'm way younger than her ) or she's just rusty to the whole dating seen ( she said it was years since she's had sex ). I'm certain she was attracted to me as-

-We had a handshake that lasted at least a minute.
-she had dilated pupils.
-crossed her legs to me a lot.
- asked plenty of questions.
-allowed a lot of SOCIAL kino.
- said she wanted to see me again.

Since the. I think Ive asked her out atleast 4 times. Not in a needy way just to rearrange the day but she keeps being busy. Finally I think on Monday I gave her a call from work ( was bored LOL) and I build some rapport first and then made plans to see each other on this Friday at 9pm. Around 8.40 she texts me she can't make it as she got off work and got tired and doesn't want to disappoint me in a long ass message with a whole bunch of sad face smileys thrown in.

I try to be dominant and not take the bait by texting :" no. Your still coming , rest later" but she doesn't reply. I call after awhile and she ignores the phone call. I get severely annoyed with this girl and delete all contact. I understand she works at McDonald's which has really long shifts and tiring hours but I must me took here that I came from a 12 hour shift on 3 hours sleep... I just found it really disrespectful as I was planning to stick to my word as a man but she didn't turn up.

I really can't reframe these kinds of situations as I know neediness and getting mad is a current sticking point but I just didn't want to waste my time with her sh!t. And besides , since she's incel and doesn't have much options , she'll call after a few weeks of realising I don't intend to contact her any more. If she's interested.

Insta date!!

On Friday , before the flake Italian thing I game around and see this beautiful oriental mix girl walk past me. This girl seriously had crowd pulling power , heads were turning ! I just dive in and stop her-

Me-hey , I saw you walk past me and I thought you looked really nice !
Her- thank you ( kind of wandering off)
Me- where are you from? I'd say thailnd but you also have greenish brown eyes. ( standing my ground , not following her)
Her- no I'm from Philipenes.
Me-What?? LIAR ??
Her-haha I am ! (Begins to slowly walk back now)
Me- are you full Philipenes though??

We have a full blown conversation and she's basically part German , part Spanish and part Philipenes , very beautiful mix. I time constraint but say

"I'm very thirsty , but I'm waiting for my friends to meet me like 10 mins , you wanna go for a quick coffee?"

She looks a little puzzled repeating what I said? And I say yeah brightly and am already walking to wards the shop , she follows me in. We fluff talk and she tells me she was hesitant to talk to me because a creepy guy followed her on a quiet dark road and she could hear his footsteps behind her. After awhile he creepily complimented her and was being persistent . She said she somehow felt very comfortable with me since she found me funny. I make a joke about this , can't remember what it was though.

We wander around and finally find some seats OUTSIDE the shop. I pick a crappy part where we're basically looking Oxford street in the face , very awkward for me and set off all sorts of anxiety as thousands of people were walking past us every minute. (Note to self , PICK BETTER SEATS DAMMIT !!! )

The conversation that followed was so bad and awkward , I ejected after 10 mins saying I had to meet my friends now so I close and we agree that we have coffee sometime next week. I also noticed i was scared as hell of escalating (though this was probably because the convo was awkward as fuark ).Probably a flake though so I won't bet on it.

In general I got the most numbers this week that I have ever gotten. I have been texting back and forth with two girls so far and I'll keep you guys updated !!

Claws

Valentine 's day

I was really tired throughout this day as i literally just came out of a 12 hour shift- and it showed. I was yawning constantly and in general had a bad framing. I only got like 2 numbers. After 8 pm it was pure willpower that i was awake. One of my daygame closes was SO receptive though and i kept kinoing her and she kept looking deep into my eyes. I genuinely believe i could have kiss-closed her but i pussed out and just got her number instead.

LAAAAAAAATER around 1am with my wing i spot a tipsy , lonely girl walking around. I didn't even know she was tipsy as i just saw a beautiful @ss walk past me. Honestly , if i ever saw the signs of a tipsy girl , it was her. She was over-animated and over-kinoing. She constantly kept asking about me. To test if she is DTF i make a super sexual joke and she just laughs. She really wanted me to go for it. Problem is , i was only escelating verbally , not physically. In the end i just get a number a chode pat on the head ( literally ) so i go home , not breaking my virgin shackles.

In my next post i must explain the root of my current sticking points in an attempt to solve them. Until then , take care guys !!

Sticking points

Right now , these are my sticking points -

-Dont get mad.
-Dont get needy.
-Escalate to the point of a kiss atleast.
-don't display chode behaviours.

The first two are self- explanatory however , don't display chode behaviours actually has a background story to it:

Ever since I was a little boy , people always used to call me cute and say things like "isn't he the cutest boy EVER?" And these kind of compliments. I didn't realise however that this was a bad thing. I mean , a puppy is cute but I'm pretty sure no woman would bang a puppy.

These compliments carried into my high school where girls would call me this. I would act like a chode babyish boy to receive these compliments and it'd be a whole cycle of negative reinforcement. Just think of how toddlers act when their getting shy and bashful , yup that that kind of behavior. The problem is EVEN NOW at 18 due to years if enforcement and the fact my baby face still hasn't left me , I still find myself reverting into this state often. This has been here for years so I will need to get rid of this in inner chose somehow.

In terms of escalating , I generally am scared of kissing. This is because I am scared of a negative reaction ( getting a slap , sworn at etc ). Or even if she doesn't and I have built a crapton of rapport, I'm worried if the kiss fails , it'd make the number flaky. I'm also worried about the awkward SPAM that follows after the kiss attempt.

Honesty with Swedish girl , I only went for the kiss since she'd already allowed me access to her breasts at that point.

These are my honest issues with my sticking point , I have written as accurately as possible and I hope I figure this out somehow. Thanks for reading guys

Claws