Well... The yelling dude won...

I resisted texting her a "good night" message last night. I didn't feel good about though...

I for got to add that yesterday, about 6 hours after she and I talked, there was an Ambien (a sleep aid pill) alert that I noticed on Yahoo.

Since I know she occasionally takes Ambien to sleep, I emailed her the link to the article with this note:

"Hi!
I just thought you might be interested in this new Ambien warning that was just issued today.
I read it and it doesn't look like anything dangerous thankfully!
I hope you are feeling better. (she was sick when we talked earlier today)
Bye!

That was at about 4;30 in the afternoon. I was like: "Fuck... I will never learn will I?"

About 8:20 pm the same night, she emails back and says:

"Thanks. I already take half a dose which is what the article reccommends for women."

So, that was extent of the email contact. Othwise, there was nothing outside of the phone call.

(This for me is like a damn miracle as I usually text her a lot etc., etc)

RC has a good point:
I kind of feel like he does... Since I was ALL OVER THE MAP with this ordeal, my feeling is that I agree with RC in that:
and
I think if I went total no contact, she would think I was gaming her, or pouting about all of this. Remember, she is a very smart girl here...

Anybody got a suggestion as to what to do next? I think there may be a light at the end of the tunnel in all of this but I am ready to fully accept that I blew this shit up with my neediness and insecurity/jealousy so, if it falls apart, it falls apart and I only have myself to blame.

As of Monday of this current week, we were going bowling with her handicapped friend. Since he wasn't feeling good this monday, she rescheduled to this coming monday (today is the Friday before that monday now). Obvoiusly I have not mentioned jack-shit about it as I didn't even want to ruffle any emotions...plus in the heat of being upset, i didn't even think to ask about it.

So, what the thoughts here? Go with no contact and risk her thinking I'm playing her? Go with RC's advice and keep it very short and sweet? (like today text her and say: "Are you still feeling Sick?" Or, just try to say to myself... "Write this off as a very hard lesson with women, especially the girl you thought was yours...

Oh, and there is the bowling date for next monday to potentially look forward to, or to address with her if needed.

I should add that when we finished talking yesterday morning, there was no "line drawn in the sand" about what she wanted as far as seeing me. Very early into our conversation that morning, she did talk about having time apart so "I could work on my issues" and so that she "Could decide if she wanted to resume our relationship" but then as we talked more, that particular part of the convo never came back up. There was no "Okay, let's touch base sometime next week" or "Thanks for all the fun times"... Nothing.

No mention of her needing "time" after she talked about it initially... Just thought I'd throw that in there as well.

Another thing we talked about was her "story" about a guy she dated last year around this time. she said "I really felt that he was my lifetime soulmate and I really loved him, but, I started noticing that whenever the weather changed, so did his emotions, it was like high and low. It got to the point that I couldn't handle it anymore so even though I loved this guy, I broke up with him. It felt like he was "bi-polar" or something..."

Now, hearing that made me think; "Hmmmm, sounds like she is SUPER SENSITIVE to anything a guy she is dating does...

Thanks!

Well,you already know my advice. But if everything else fails you can always sit her down and have a straightforward talk.


Something along the lines of : " I fucked up , I know that now , I'm learning to control it..."
You know , that kind of thing. However , if you chose to do this you must understand that it will go only 1 of two way AND you must mean it. You can't fake it. If you tell her you're learning to control yourself you really gotta put the effort into doing just that.


Now , I wouldn't do this if not as a last resort. But if it is a last resort , why not do it right ? What do you have to lose ?

This worked for me , except I was the one being sat down and she was the one with the jealousy / possesivity issues. So I went for it and I didn't regret it. With a little help from me , she got over these issues with relative ease , so yeah.

I largely depends on the people and on how much patience / how good the communication between the 2 of you is..but yeah,like I said , cant hurt to try if everything else fails.

Most importantly , if you do this , keep a positive attitude. When you say "I know I fucked up , I'm learning to blabalbal" say it with a smile on your face. Be optimistic about it and transfer some of that optimism to her.

_________________
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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Im in the same situation. Things started out so amazing, we didnt leave the couch for the first 2 weeks of the relationship. After a few months together we were talking about having a kid and getting married. Then shit started to go downhill. It was my first love and I came on very very strong, clingy, was jealous and insecure. It drove her away over time. But it also made me learn what NOT to do in a relationship. A girl needs to be chasing you or shes going to chase someone else. You need to be laid back and make it look like NOTHING ever bothers you. You live in your own world and youre letting her be apart of it.

I spent the first 3 days of the breakup trying to tell her Im going to change, we can just hang out and take it slow, etc, the exact thing thats gonna keep pushing her away. Shes coming over 1 more time to pick something up and Im going to tell her something like "Hey I know it took 2 or 3 days to sink in but I accept youre leaving. I feel a lot better now. The only thing Im even upset about anymore is that if I could of acted like a normal guy the whole time the relationship would of had the real chance something that started out so good deserved." Then let her leave without making any scene.

After this Im going no contact. I think she is the type that is going to hit me up eventually even though it may take a while. When she does Im going to be very aloof, vague, but positive, and talk about the reasons why my life is so much better at that point. Not try to force any convo about the relationship or the past. Just try to make her laugh and shit. But the only way that it will work a second time is if I truly do grow up and change like I said I would. You cant just say it. DO IT. I know I am SICK of having no confidence, not being able to trust anyone, only having a few friends. I WANT to change now and IM GOING TO.

Dude this is my plan. Lift like crazy, get some new hobbies, save up money, and just practice talking to strangers in public. When she does come back around I really am going to be a completely different person like I said I would and I think the second time will be the charm with her.

Hey Newport...

sorry to hear that man...

no contact sucks and I have never tried it.

RC... I don't think i am at that point with her yet to do the "final ultimatum" talk.

I think what i will try is a very light text contact sometime this am to the effect of:

"Are you feeling any better today?" or "I hope you feel better".

Light contact worked for me in the past with her, and I sure don't want to do an abrupt 180 degree spin on her and have her think I'm sulking about all of this.

I was even thinking about going with previous advice and keeping it fun like:

"Hope your feeling better. I'm getting new tires on the BMW today... why I'm excited about that who knows! LOL!"

In thinking about all that happened over the past few days, I really feel that she is surprised and angry at me for reacting how, and the way I did. Not externally angry like in starting fights or anything, just angry, disappointed, and frustrated that i didn't see it coming, and then when i did, I did nothing to help her like give her time to miss me like I'm trying to do now.

But, I will do something because absolutely no contact doesn't seem to be 100% in my favor right now but damn if i don't screw things up every single time!

Quick update...

I just texted:

"I hope your feeling better today! Yoga for me this am, then 4 new tires on the BMW... Why I'm so excited about tires is beyond me...LOL!"

We will see what happens...

My feeling is that a few days ago she mentioned not texting her or emailing her with any "issues".

Yesterday's email wasn't about an issue, rather just concern for her.

today's text isn't about an "issue" but rather a showing of concern and some light banter which I am not asking her to reply to as in; "Are you feeling better...blah, blah, blah..."

My feeling is this. If she is so firm about NOT hearing from me (I don't think she is because I have backed off considerably the last couple of days with texts and emails as compared to when this all started), then I feel that i'm done.

That is because we all make mistakes. I made one, I admitted it, and I am pretty much leaving her alone with the exception of super light contact... If that turns out to be too much, then I feel that this relationship just wasn't meant to be.

Talk later!

no you haven't. I go weeks with out talking to a girl you cant even go a day. Delete her number. Give her the gift of missing you.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

...

Hey Rocko... The best thing to do is to delete this post on my thread and start one separately. There are guys on here that can and WILL help you though all of this. Believe me, start your own thread and you will see!

Thanks Chino!!!

you are right! haha!

I went to Yoga this am and for whatever reason, doing that really helps "center" me.

While I was resting, I realized that everything is okay. I feel that I am in a place now where I'm comfortable (and hopefully she is too, based on our conversation yesterday morning).

I also (at least in my mind) have laid the foundation for her to contact me when, and if, she is ready. Now I really feel that I can go "No contact" even though i know it will be very hard to do.

We had a great talk yesterday, I sent her a nice "opener" text this am, and that is all i really feel compelled to do right now.

My feeling is that when, or if, she is comfortable in our relationship, she will contact me. If she does contact me, I know to relax, not give more than i receive, and really LISTEN to what she is saying to determine her motives and goals with us.

If this isn't meant to be, I have FINALLY reconciled that fact inside my own head, and that was one of my many problems with this... I did not think I could "let go" but today I realized that I can.

Someone here also said to go out and just socialize with girls. today at Yoga, I struck up a conversation before we started with a beautiful girl who was easily a HB8 or better, probably late 20's to early 30's. I naturally fell into my openers and she loved it, lots of interest, great body language, and it just felt great to see that I can be the guy I am and not try to be something i'm not.

what really felt great is when yoga was over... she asked me "You are coming back here...right?"

I just smiled back and said: "Ummmm, maybe..."

Life can be great sometimes...haha!

I no contacted her for 1 day now after telling her that I was ok with the breakup and shes texting me about our cat when she knows that I told her when she was leaving to take the cat if she wanted it.. Should I just blow her off completely for a while?

Gomike, no contact means no contact for anything. You make this girl your life and your emotions are based off of how things are going with her. You think you will come across and awesome message that will make her go crazy for you. Delete her number. It was never that hard and you've made this more complicated.
Girl says "I need space," all you had to do was say ok, not text her or contact her, don't go anywhere she may be for a few days, dont respond to her msgs, and she would have come back in a week saying "thanks for the space, I needed some time for myself, I miss you baby, come see me." and you wouldve been good.

And honestly, don't think that she must know your a good guy. This has come to to the point where if she even is considering being with you, she must have no other options. Not to play you down, but even the sweetest most loving girl who has some respect for herself would have broken up with you long ago because you give the signs of clingy/ potentially dangerous. That's like you repeatedly beating a woman and she sticks with you. It's NOT true love, its a dumb/desperate woman.

Now, I am admittedly quite jaded and cynical, especially at present after my recent break up... But to be honest I think the writing is on the wall. It's over. You shouldn't be getting to the point where she has to think about whether to resume a relationship with you, she is clearly having doubts and is perhaps shopping around a bit before chucking you completely.

I had the whole false-hope shit from my last girl, it was all "Thank you for opening up to me, I really feel we're moving forward..." and then five days later we're done.

You need to go no contact and start trying to move on in my opinion, don't string this out any longer than you need to by clinging to some inkling of hope. Start dating other women and stop talking to her, if she seriously is considering staying with you, she will reach out to you.

No contact is for you, not for her.

Hey Neo and Rough...

Yep, you guys are both right. I feel the same way now.

At least I'm not on here crying my eyes out at the last minute over an upcoming break-up because I reconciled the fact that we more than likely aren't getting back together. I'm finally okay with that and I'll step out without groveling one bit.

Rough, you said it pretty good!
I totally figure we are done now and I don't blame her in the least. We were beautiful together and when she asked for space I freaked out, didn't give it to her, and now I've probably lost her. Case closed.

There are a couple things that potentially she will miss me for. One is that up until this situation, we NEVER had even one second of a bad time together. I mean, we would go out and it was ALWAYS 100% awesome and fun.


We never even dis-agreed on anything. Even on the last Thursday blow-up there was no bad times. It only happened after I left her office and sent that stupid text saying "Baby get ready FOR A PASSIONATE NIGHT BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,,on the only day she alway took for herself which was Friday.

So, what I'm saying is that in every relationship I've had, I can think back and remember an arguement, a fight,, something, whereas in our case...nothing.

Now I know someone will want to say "Dude, get fucking real here... look what just happened..." but this was a one time thing that pushed her to the break point. Believe me when I tell you there was no issues... she would have told me for sure. That's how she is.

So anyway, damage control seems non-existent.

She did text me back after I sent her the text this morning:

I sent her this: 3 hours later, she sent me this back:

"I'm a little sicker today so I'm going to be on a juice fast for a few days.
I'm glad you're staying healthy with Yoga"

So at least we are cordial with each other and that is my goal for now.

And, blast me as a needy fuckhole if you want to, but I am an awesome guy and every girl I've ever gone out with and then talked to long after the break-up has said they missed me and I was one of the best guys they ever dated. So, take it for what it's worth.

Qutie possibly this girl and I were never meant to be.

What's funny is that astrologically, we are the worse possible match.

I am a Gemini and she is a Pisces...

Just google that for the hell of it and all kinds of "don't do it" warnings pop up...kinda weird!

I dont wanna be rude , but the whole sign matching thing ? complete bullshit. not 100% bullshit , 110% bullshit !

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Hey RC!

No kidding about the "Star Signs", haha! I never believed in that BS either. It was just interesting when I googled the two, what they came up with.

Oh and neo87, I know you keep blasting me about being this clingy, fucked up, jealous, needy guy, and that she would be an "idiot" to even consider still seeing me, but try to give me the benefit of the doubt when I tell you that we had a beautiful thing going on before I did trip up. There were no arguements, no drug or alcohol issues, no slapping, yelling, or anything like that, and we really just got along so very peacefully.

THAT is why this is so difficult. I am all for you (neo87) expressing that you think I am a "dangerous guy" and all but i wanted to clarify the scenario for you as well. you have been a huge help here and you have lots of good info man, so keep blasting away at me if you want to, I take everything that is happening with a grain of salt and just try to listen to my forum bro's opinions and figure out what is the best for me...

And neo, I truly believe that if I took your advise at first:
And I got the very same advise from Lor, Chinopants, RC, and everyone else who suggested for me to do that. And, what you said would happen, more than likely WOULD have happened. Even Chino said it when he said something like: "

You broke it off with her and drew a line in the sand, you cut it off and girls aren't used to playing in reality, you rocked her hard and now she is running back to you..."

I know you guys keep telling me that NO CONTACT is the way I should go. But I keep telling myself that since she is a licensed Marriage, Family, and Relationship therapist, I'm not only under a "microscope" with her looking at every move I make, but if I suddenly flip to no contact whatsoever it will look like I'm "pouting" or being a little bitch about it.

So to recap, here is everything we said to each other yesterday until the text she sent me below at 11pm.


Me: (8:10am) I hope you are felling better today! Yoga for me this am, then 4 new tires on the BMW...why I'm excited about tires is beyond me...LOL!

Her: (1:04pm) I'm a little sicker today so I'm going to be on a juice fast for a few days. I'm glad you are staying healthy w yoga.

Me: (2:10pm) Awww man, that's too bad, hope you get better. Nick was talking in Yoganese today...haha!


(Nick is an instructor at the yoga studio and the guy is awesome, funny, and everyone wants to take his classes when he has thenm, he's just a cool fun guy, so that's why I mentioned that.)

So sure, maybe I f'd up by texting her back the last message at 2:oopm but it didn't seem like she wanted absolutely no contact. I am having a hard time trying to know what's best to do... But, there were no more texts from me after the 2pm one...

So, last night at 11:00pm I get this text from her out of the blue: (remember, yesterday morning she told me that she felt sicker and was going to juice diet blah, blah, blah) I am writing it EXACTLY how she did and how it appeared on my phone. she used kinda weird spacings and stuff, probably doesn't mean anything other than it took an obvious effort to do it)

Her:


Hi Michael,

I learned that for juicing,
it's reccommended to add a
little parsely and cilantro.

I juiced this and it was
really good:

Parsely, cilantro, lemon w
peel, a little baby kale,
spinach, baby carrots,
cucumber, Fuji apple
(sweet).


Now I am like WTF? Was she high and just rambling on? (she really doesn't do any drugs or drink) is she trying to re-connect?, is she LBJF'ing me? (I doubt)

The text was just surprising and weird was all. I know my ass got blasted hard for being needy, clingy, and insecure but I want to keep it clear that until the recent problem, there were NO ISSUES that I had in this area at all. I just lost my grounding and balance when she wanted some time apart.

I will not respond until some of us can talk about it I hope... I know Chinopants and neo87 will be laughing their asses off when they read this but I haven't texted her since noon yesterday. (for me that is amazing as i used to write her "text-books! haha)

I really would just like to say: "Hey, I'd like to see you soon" but then I think if I said I did that, you guys would just write my ass off if you haven't done so already!

Hey, gomike, I did laugh lol

Don't get me wrong, when I say if I were here I would think you're dangerous. Sure, you had awesome times but a normal woman in her 20's would feel smothered when you tell them you love them so much and you cant give them space after 2 months of dating. What you are giving this woman, are signs that you're too attached to her and that you're clingy. Girls in there 20's have gone through situations where the guy is amazing at first, but he's clingy and stalkerish. I would assume a hot woman in her 40's would have gone through this and would be able to see the signs quicker. Honestly, if I had a girl texting and talking to me like how you do her, I'd be scared.
Fun, awesome times are great, but the real test of a person, is what they do when things aren't going "awesome and fun." Do they get clingy? Do they go emotional and back and forth? Do they hit you or get aggressive? Do they run off and cheat? Alot of what makes relationships work is how the other party reacts when things are not 100%, and you've shown her that if she ever needs time alone, there's gonna be alot of drama and she'll feel smothered. For example, I had a gf of 6 months and things were great every day. Then I had to start a new job and I was busy for a couple weeks and just needed time to focus. She went crazy and couldnt stand just giving me a day or 2 to relax.
You can love someone and not have to talk to that person as soon as you get off a rough day. Sometimes, I just need "me" time, where I don't have to check my phone and can just relax for me. I can love someone deeply for months, but I wouldnt be blind to the signs that they're needy.

And, no offense, but she is a terrible Marriage and relationship therapist. If she were able to analyze your actions, she would be freaked out. She, above anyone should know that "love" isn't enough.