Hi Everyone,

I live in Seattle and I'm taking a two-day vacation on my own in San Fran next weekend. I'm on a dating website and I can usually get regular dates in my city. I'm trying to find a date to have fun with next weekend for a night, but I'm not sure how to approach this, because my assumption is that women on this dating site are looking for a relationship, not a one-night fling. This leads me to think that I need to come up with something outlandish, which I have. I composed the following and sent it to ten women in SF. Only one has been read so far, which is out of the ordinary for me. Usually most of my emails are read. I'm wondering if anyone has feedback. Thanks!

Subject: Weekend heist; partner required; details enclosed

Body:
I've been tasked with a top-secret mission to infiltrate the city of San Francisco next weekend to gather cultural data pertinent to the success of the main objective the COEJ (Central Organization for the Entertainment of John). In short: an entertainment heist. The COEJ has determined after half an hour of dedicated research that San Francisco is the most likely location to contain the content required to satisfy this immediately important objective. Therefore, an impromptu flight from the COEJ head office in Seattle has been scheduled along with appropriate hotel arrangements on Nob Hill. In order to avoid unwanted tracking devices known to be inserted into rental cars, I've been provided with a pair of inline skates as a transport medium. My intelligence personnel informed me that the steepness of the roads in the city might pose a threat to my safety, and that I should resort to the public transportation system should the situation get out of hand.

A directive has been put in place for the acquirement of a partner holding key attributes necessary to the success of this mission. Due to your locality, specific knowledge of regional music and food, and ideal cuteness, you have been selected as a potential candidate for accompaniment. Currently, plans have been made for a trip to Molinari Delicatessen and Burmese Superstar. Should the conditions be right, windsurfing may be an option. Please respond with your proposal for mission enhancement and availability during the time frame starting on Friday, May 11th and ending midday Sunday, May 13th.

Note: This is an automated message generated by the COEJ communications department.