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hey sexaddict. i'm thankful for your presence on this forum, which is generally clouded with a lot of misinformation and insecure people...
can you help me out with something? i'm conflicted as to how i should approach the aspect of relationships with girls. i don't yet have comfortable relationships with any hot girls, only ones i would never consider fucking. for the girls that ARE attractive, i am generally uncomfortable and awkward ... so how do i get over this? for some reason i don't feel like approaching girls with sexual intent will do anything for me because i'm too self-conscious and the interaction usually fails. on the other hand, if i just treat them like completely platonic friends, i feel like i'm lying to myself and being a pussy by not realizing my intent to fuck them.
so which is the right solution? i know you expressed the importance of comfort with a girl. so does this mean i have to be 100% comfortable with myself around a girl before i can start expressing any sexual intent? Should I be focused on building relationships with a girl at the risk of losing sexual interest instead of having sex be the first priority?
I think what is important is being comfortable in your own shoes. Please remember that it's not a race, this is your life. If you are genuinely looking to find a relationship rather then just get laid, don't worry so much about your sexual intent. It is mostly implied with men anyways. If you are expressing interest and attraction to a woman, sex is implied, so mentioning it or showing your sexuality, is not necessary. I think you need to find a healthy balance between establishing comfort and showing interest. Too much interest can set a woman in a defensive posture emotionally and not allow her the sufficient time to see your true character. Too little can cast you into the "friends zone"
Attraction is usually blind to only looks and posture.( especially at a younger age) Although women can fall for a man after getting to know his inner self, the initial attraction usually dictates the womens level of interest to dating. Even know their is women that just want to get laid, it is usually just a phase or an emotional release of some sorts. In general most women are seeking a relationship.
My advice to you is to try to focus on just spending time with women you are attracted to but don't show interest in them. Keep the state of mind that you are just making friends. This will allow you to get experience being around these women without having your inner thoughts dictate your actions or lack of.
There is plenty of time to work on dating and interest, later on. Once you get better suited to dealing with hot women.
You also have to keep in mind even the HB 10's have their own inner issues, everyone does. The more you can get into the mind of a woman, the better suited you will be to understanding them. If you are relatively inexperienced with women. Don't do what all these books are saying. Focus on just being around women that you find attractive. By being friendly only and even letting a girl know straight up that you are not trying to pick her up, it can often lead to her letting her guard down and eventually showing you her inner self. The more you see women's inner self and thought process, the better chances you will have in future relations with women.
Having hot female friends is never a bad thing. ( other women will see you with them and wonder about you. Women are as naturally competitive as men, (especially when it comes to men). By not showing interest in them sexually, there is also a chance they may want you and begin to show their own interest. You will be yourself completely and have no worries, as to how to act. If the girl likes you the way you are, you never have to have anxiety about anything. You will be able to speak freely once a certain of level of comfort is established.
It's not easy to just be friends with girls you are attracted to. But if you can do this and learn as much as possible. You will be miles ahead of most in your situation.
I am not saying to do this forever, but try it out. If you start to notice you are becoming more comfortable around these women, you then you can make attempts and do what the books are saying.
I am guessing the literature out here in regards to pickup( from what I have heard from others and read in posts) is more directed to people who already have a level of confidence. If they don't there is a good chance it will cause more harm then good.
Confidence is key to initial dating and picking up. What I have suggested could help you gain this confidence and comfort, without putting yourself at risk of losing what you already have.
If you can find some hot women that turn into friends, pick their brains as much as possible, if they become true friends, they will help you in every way to get the girl. After all, who knows more about hot women, then hot women?