I've read about being non-reactive to people in order to not give away your approval too easily, but I am having difficulty actually understanding how to do it.

In certain situations I am clearly the alpha male and have no issues with getting others to want to listen to me. In others, particularly when I am feeling intimidated, or know that someone else in the group has consistently been the AMOG, I am unable to get others to give a damn about me. These AMOGs are not people I wish to disrespect, because some of them are my friends.

More to the point, being non-reactive doesn't usually have a beneficial effect for me. This can be in conversation, in bed, anywhere. I almost always feel like I am the one pushing the interaction, and that when I don't do that, it simply doesn't go anywhere.

Please let me know if you have any questions for clarification. All suggestions are appreciated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gZkZS4D ... 6BEDAD409D

watch this, start at 3:50,

dr. phil/audience goes for reaction, and SWING AND A MISS paul janka too strong bro
don't worry about being non reactive to not give approval, just be aware when you are being reactive, to seek approval from other (laughing just to please someone/getting into arguements because someone gets to you and you want to alter what he/she thinks of you)

if someone says something funny and you laugh, who cares just laugh, its funny, don't read into this too much

Yeah, I think I smile and laugh more often when I'm nervous, and also probably to please people.

I don't know the exact spot you were talking about in that video, but man was that funny. All these AFC wives that are appalled by a PUA, when in reality they would fall all over him if they met him on the street.

If you feel that you are always the one puching the interaction, maybe you need more attraction

First, people are lazy. So if you are willing (and anxious) to do all the work in the relationship, most of them will let you. This is a kind of reactivity--the kind where you preemptively do something for fear that the other person will wander off to play video games or something if you don't. And if you have already set the precedent with the person that you do all the work, make everything happen--you are constantly working to be charming, entertaining, etc., it can be hard to change. They have expectations.

Second, even though people are lazy, they also want to participate, so if you don't give them a chance, they will sort of zone out on you, as if watching t.v. or some other passive activity. Think of the difference between a classroom teacher who encourages discussion and one who wants it to be all him, all the time. Once he has established a "lecture" pattern, his students will quickly learn to space out, even if he is a great lecturer--or at best force themselves to pay attention, take notes etc. Because they have learned they will not be called on the spot.

Things you can try: patience. Especially if you have not already established a pattern of being constantly entertaining, give her a chance to react. Not everyone reacts quickly--most people don't, and though being "the wit" gets laughs, it alienates people who can't get a word in edgewise.

On being less reactive socially--have a look at your underlying values and clarify what you want and believe. Find someone whom you admire and can model. Most of all identify your anxieties/fears and spend some time letting go of them (imagine what you fear as an image; imagine it getting smaller and lighter until you tower over that image, then brush it off like goose down). Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Cuts like a knife

Also, Craig Ferguson is a talk show host who is very good at conversations. Sample link of him and Downey Jr. : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=av1aBPNj3D4

Plus, what Stefan Gray Man was saying toward the end of his post is what is known as hypnosis. It works. Live free.

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Chill'n