If you read this, please reply detail and nothing short and stupid. This is hard. This has been on my mind every day for a while now. That the only thing I get out of this is that, from one day, a woman can go from loving you, to not wanting to talk to you. This is my story -

It’s been around 3 weeks now since we have broken up. And it’s been hell. I dated this girl for a year now, my one itis, the girl that I literally fell so hard for. She was probably in control for most of the relationship, not at the beginning, she was all over me, as you can see, that’s changed. It was in our last year of high school, I and she were perfect, it was a balance, and I was crazy about her. I couldn’t get enough of her, and it was the same for her, for a year. Something changed towards the end, I don’t know what, I started to get clingy and wondered what she was up to, she seemed to stop putting in effort, it made me put more effort in, and she had me in her pocket. It went bad for 2 months and I and she were always talking about the same drama, her not putting in effort, me wanting more, she ended it, she broke up with me. It started out with her saying she doesn’t know if she made the right choice the day she did it, that she needs a break. I guess I needed to back off, but I couldn’t, I was so addicted, I couldn’t give her space. We got back together, for a day, then she broke up with me, and it’s been stuck like this. I would do anything for this girl, anything, and now we are slowly we are drifting away, and knowing that kills me. I occasionally text her, call her, inbox her, always me, never her, to see what she is up to. No other girl compares to her, at all. We have moved on to different uni’s, but I still want long distance, I still want her, she is the one who said no to me, she is the one who is calling the shots and every single day I am thinking about it and her. Even right now, while it is ended I still have hope, it’s still always on my mind 24/7. For a year, me and her did everything and it felt like true love, and now it’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t want to talk to me, where she says to me “I care for you, I still love you, I just don’t want to date anyone right now” and “The more you try to get me back, you push me away, if I realize what I have lost, I will fight for you”. When I talk to her, I try to get something out of her, like right now on SPAM I say hey and I’m trying to get something out of her, I get nothing. I dated this girl for a year and I was perfect. To think that me and her were crazy about each other and now she doesn’t give a crap to what I do. You probably read this and think this is stupid, not worth replying, or I should just move on. I don’t want to, I can’t, I have rejected kissing two girls, because they are not her. I am always eager to find out, what she is up to. I am eager to know if she thinks about me, if she ever will come back. The best advice I have been given is don’t contact her at all, but then that just makes it easier for her to move on. To forget me. I try to talk to her and I feel like she has… moved on and that its over for good, and I get times when I’m like move on you can get better, but I can’t, it always comes back to me wanting her back. I haven’t had one good reply which tells me the best way to go. This is my one-itis. And I seriously am struggling without her, not even knowing who she is with. There is more to this, so much more, the fact that she doesn’t look back at all kills me, and that’s all I’m doing. I am not living my life anymore, I have no motivation, I’m only ever thinking about one thing. When I see her online do i talk to her? I need your expert advice now. I need a plan.

Anyone!?

Listen man, you got to give her space, because it sounds like you suffocated her. You had an unhealthy, one-sided relationship and those are always doomed for failure. You just need to let her be for the time being. Give her a chance to miss you. And if she loves you, she will. When that happens you have to make some changes. You can't continue chasing her all the time, you need to get the power back in balance. But the main thing is to not be too needy, because it's a huge turnoff to women. If you show her you can take it or leave it (even if you can't) then it will definitely put the odds back in your favor.

The best of luck to you.

Ethan

Get over yourself.

There is more than one girl out there who's "perfect" for you. It sounds like you probably have a ridiculous amount of insecurities, which is causing this unceasing, egoic love.

Your plan is to stop thinking about her. To learn to do that, put yourself to work. Volunteer, start up martial arts, meditate, go to church, talk to people, listen to people, learn that this problem is, ultimately, insignificant.

If you still want her back after this, you did something wrong.

As for what to say to her... you shouldn't still have time to talk to her. Keep it that way for quite a while.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

Man you gotta understand that the first step of this all is to have ZERO contact with her. I don't care if she's online on MSN, SPAM or Facebook. DON'T talk to her. Stop looking at her profile, stop imagining a conversation between the two of you.

It's all in your head man. It's not love. Trust me because I've been in a similar situation as you. She is NOTHING in comparison to what you can achieve in your life.

All of us can sit here and write you a bunch of philosophical replies about life and love - but I understand if you don't FEEL it. All of this seems logical to you, but you don't really know how it feels.

So:

*Zero contact with her.
*Living your goddamn life; Socializing with other people (women) and keeping yourself busy in order to not think about her.
*Removing ANYTHING that reminds you of her. Pictures, songs, movies, etc etc.
*Never mentioning or talking about her with anyone else. Even if your friends mention her, say: I've moved on. Change the subject.

I can't stress how important it is for you to do this properly. It's only gonna get worse if you allow it to.

But do you guys not understand that I do want her back. That I dont understand, how can she not want to talk to me. Why is this so much more harder for me than her. We spent a year together, i dont want to shut the door. but she does?

I want her back dude because its amazing when we were togehter. I need her back. It s always on my mind.

always

Do what Little Panda suggests and man the fuck up lol.

If you do these things and she still has feelings for you or wants you, things will go the way you want them.
People front all the time, you have no idea what she's really thinking so stop OBSESSING over what YOU think is going on in her head cos your fucking with YOUR head in the process.
Try other flavours of ice-cream, stop choosing vanilla.

Read my post again. If you want the SMALLEST chance of getting her back, then do as I described in my previous reply.

ANYTHING else you do will fuck it up even more.

Do.Not.Contact.Her.

You're hearing this from a guy that has experienced what you have.

Listen to panda, I had similar troubles, but doing what he said got the girl chasing me :/

Little Panda is right. I have been in a similar situation and I got her back. How? Breaking contact completely. About 2 weeks later she send me an email explaining her feelings. I replied back few days later in which I basically let her know I had a good time with her, I moved on and I am enjoying life.

We started talking and meeting occassionally. I was always the one to end it, leaving her to want more. Especially if the girl broke up, she should be the one reinitiating everything. She was the one that had enough of you (like my girl had enough of me). She will let you know IF and if so, WHEN she is ready for your company again. It is not in your hands right now.

No,one day doesn't make a difference.Are you blind ?Something was going wrong all along.
You wanted more ? She did not want to give more.
You were looking for something more serious,look,nobody blames you however if she doesn't share the same interest it won't be more serious.The point is not to make her beg for it,neither you should beg for it.It should come off as natural,if you talk about it,it should not come from the begging frame.
Look when i'm on a first date with a girl,folks on the forum tell me not to ask her "do you wanna kiss me ?"(mystery does) because i will come as insecure most of the time. however if i'm with my 5 months gf,i can ask her whatever,i kissed her 20 times that day.
When i'm in a relationship and i ask her "don't you want to put more effort ?" just guess what happens.If you get back together,will you not want more ? Think you get back together with her,what it will be like in 5 years ? What will she give you then ? Hi and bye ?
From what you say,you wanna be the AFC in relationship,anything,just to get her back.What you forget is that when you're AFC you don't give her feelings,you don't make her think about you.She wants to feel something in a relationship,do you understand that ?
And this is what you're missing.
Now about what the other guys said,if you see her you will go AFC again probably.
Look try to break contact 2 weeks 100% and then try to open a conversation then.Then take it slow from friends.If that doesn't work,try the same thing,but with 2 years.
I know what this people say seems like a pattern,most of them are humans not robots and they do not lack experience like you do.Trust us,this is a inner development forum not a anti woman forum.

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exactly what panda said. only way

She will not really move on. She will only cool down. At some point she will remember your good times together and she will miss you.

It is then that she will come back as a friend.

The only chance for her not to come back is if has nothing good to remember from you which does not sound as the case.

... Yeah here's a point that could be of importance. There is indeed a chance that she will want to come back; either as your girlfriend or as your FRIEND. This is where you have to decide which way you want it. If you don't feel like being "just friends" - tell her you've moved on and are not interested. Don't say stupid shit like "Either you're my girlfriend, or you're nothing!!!". Never give ultimatums to chicks - they never work (arguably).

"Sorry sweetie, I've moved on. But I wish you the best of luck in life." Walk away.

Or if she want to get involved romantically - it's up to you.

It's a win-win situation. Either you get her, or you take a huge step towards moving on.

I will have to disagree a bit with the moving on if he gets her back as a friend.

When you are friends with an ex a clever move and you have just pressed the restart button.

You just have to find out what truly happened and the relationship broke.

Was it because of boredom? incompatibility? low attraction? What was the true problem?

Even if she moved on to another man if she had a point that she had connection with this guy or some good memories that she could not forget then it is easy to get back together.

It is only needed a clever handling and making sure that the problem of breaking up is fixed and not going to return back.

If there is communication and they can talk, nothing is lost.