Here's a problem I've had a couple of time. At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new and everyone is still on there best behavior, all the hormones are flowing and everything is great. But as time goes on, the relationship begins to lose it's shine. Behaviors and personalities change as you start to become comfortable with each other, and all of a sudden she's a different girl than when you first started. Not completely different, but different enough that she's not what you signed up for when you started dating. Now you have all these feelings for the girl, the way that she started off as, and you've spent all this time with her, and it feels weird to leave her, but she's just not what you signed up for and you don't feel like sticking it out because you know consciously it's a doomed relationship, but you're emotionally attached. I'm not really looking for advice, just kinda venting.

Kalel,

This can be avoided. The point is to never make the relationship predictable. Always find new crazy ways to have fun with each other and experiment with new things.

This way, it will seem like your personalities are infinite. That you will never really get to know each other.

The result of this is of course . no partner will take the other for granted and keep engaging in the relationship.

It's not a matter of keeping the spark alive or getting bored with each other.
During a relationship trust grows, and you naturally begin to show each other more of your true self, you open up to each other more. It's only natural. What I am saying is: what happens if you find out, once she has opened herself up to you, that you are not as compatible as you originally thought, and you realize that long term its not going to work out. It's a hard thing, cause that point is a very vulnerable time for a woman. She is opening up to you because she sees the potential for a future, but by doing that she has inadvertently prevented that future, and it's not really her fault at all. She is a great girl, but we're just incompatible people, and it took getting to know her better to realize that. But by going through the process of getting to know her, there is now an emotional attachment which makes leaving difficult.

Kalel, I've been in your position. I met this girl around new years, we had a blast. Spontaneous making out at parties, tons of memories, "pillow talk" (sometimes floor talk at a friend's house), you really get to liking this person. Eventually one of you decides to bring up what all of it has meant, if anything. You both agree it did, and you start something official. Somewhere along the line, one or both of you changes. You slip out of your PU attitude a little, she gets extra sensitive, you find out little things about eachother that are just total opposites. She likes all the food you hate. She has different goals. Her mind operates on some foreign code to you. The only difference is that I was the one who wanted to salvage our differences and she didn't. I can't say I was nearly as happy toward the end as I was in the beginning, but it was hard to leave because you still have that lingering feeling of what it used to be. If not that, your ego sees it as you failing to keep someone interested in you. It just gets harder and harder. I don't think there is an easy way out, just be fortunate that you are on the side that saw that the differences were too unbearable and not where she is, she is definitely going to be hurt more than you. You need to decide whether or not you still want to be friends, and that is going to get pretty hard. Moving on is one part, then watching the other person move on is another. If you really can't handle watching it, its going to turn into fighting, awkwardness, and eventually bitterness. I should say, if she can't handle watching it, its going to end up like that if you're still in regular/best friend contact.

Just don't be hostile about it, be as gentle and supportive as you can.


This would be my advice for people who are going through this.

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Exactly what I'm talking about. I try to be gentle and supportive at the end. I understand logically that it wasn't their fault at all, they're just being them. But I am a little pissed off that things didn't stay as great as they started out. I just don't know who I'm pissed off at, me, her, fate, the situation in general(though it is hard to be pissed at a concept). Whatever I'm angry at doesn't matter. Because usually before one of these breakups, there is a string of arguments over nothing really, that almost cements in the fact of incompatibility. Pointless fights that erupt from the internal growing animosity felt for the other person over the numerous differences that ultimately make you want to leave.

Were you being 100% honest about who you were in the beginning of this relationship?

Because if you weren't, you can't really blame her for mutual deceit.

What I have learned in my decade or so of dating is that it all starts with you. If you make it clear that you are being totally and completely upfront and yourself from the beginning, so will she.

If you play the "dating game" as society says you should, well, get used to this kind of disappointment.

Your boy,
870

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Thats why i think open relationships ought to be the way to go. If you're seeing other people then its a competition for attention, you have to stay seductive and on top of your shit.

As we get into the relatioship we stop caring, you see married people. The husband stops coming home early and cleaning the dishes, the wife lets the cleaning slip by. Pretty soon you're not getting blowjobs and then you both jsut lay in bed next to eachother too lazy to have sex.

I say keep in the PU mindset, even when you're dating a girl. learn how to be seductive and please her so you can do better with the next girl. Don't just sit on yoru ass and start taking the relationship for granted.

Yeah, I understand. It's not like I'm going out pretending to be someone else. I'm just putting my best image forward. I understand my culpability in the situation and I am working on that.

I've had a couple of days to think about it since I wrote this post and I think my main problem is boundary issues. I think I may be too stubborn sometimes and other times too lenient on how boundaries are drawn in a relationship. I'm sure I have given up too early on some relationships, and I have probably invested too much time on some I shouldn't have. My ego is a big part of that. I realize I may be going after girls that make me look better, rather than girls whom I am actually compatible with. I think I'm just going to have to try to keep an impartial perspective somewhere in the back of my mind, so that I can remain logical even when the endorphins and hormones start to flow.
Not really the problem I'm having, but good advice anyway.