| Hi - I could really use someone's help! I'm not out to get laid here, actually looking for a relationship. I am 35 y.o. and have done all the one night stands/club scene I will ever need.
Sorry this is such a long post, but I felt it necessary to convey all of the details surrounding this. I am sure there is someone out there who's successfully navigated a situation like this.
So, I met this girl through one of the online matching services and we met up about 3 weeks ago for drinks. She looked kind of average at first, but we had really great conversation and I thought that was a good start. She is 32 y.o. and divorced (quite recently, I might add - apparently signed the papers in Feb). We met up the second week for our 2nd date and had a terrific time - I could tell I was really starting to like her. About a week and a half ago, we went out to the movies and held hands and it was great. Oh yeah, and she met up with me at my place - when she walked in she was more dressed up than I'd seen her before because she'd come straight from work and I was surprised at how hot she actually was. Now, I know some of you younger guys might not get this, but you guys my age and older understand. I know it sounds cheesy, but you reach a point in your life where all of the pussy in the world doesn't matter if you don't feel something for that person. It just doesn't. Too many one night stands where at the time it seemed like a good idea - but then you get this empty feeling inside afterwards. So, I try to avoid that kind of stuff now. Anyways - so, you know, just touching her hand at the movies I could feel the connection - it was strong. After that we drive back to my place and I invite her in for a few minutes. Don't make any moves, because she is really the kind of girl that if you push too much - you'll kill the deal. But man I was dying to kiss her. So, we talked for a few minutes and then I offered to walk her to her car. I walked her out there and we stood for about 10 minutes more talking - it was obvious to me that she didn't want to leave. I could feel the vibe, and sense she was feeling it too. Most of the things I said, she would blush. Then she said to me "You are the sweetest. I'm not sure what to make of that." I think she was afraid that I'm trying to manipulate her, but I'm not and I told her that - and again she blushed. Then she told me that she's not very good at the whole dating thing. She then said, "So, if I act a little distant or anything it has nothing to do with you, I just want to take things slow." I asked for clarification and asked if I was reading the signs wrong, told her I was interested and if she wasn't feeling the same way to just let me know - I could handle it. She assured me now. We said goodnight and I finally got that kiss - and oh, it was terrific. Sparks were flying. I went in that night thinking that this was money.
Fast forward to last week. I call her, get voicemail. She calls me, but I wasn't available. Then call her again, get voicemail. Friday, I email her to see if she still wanted to get together for the weekend. She said she was tired and leaning toward just staying in to recuperate - so I suggested that I bring a bottle of wine over and we could rent a movie. Well, she didn't like that idea at all. I guess it freaked her out a bit and so she emailed me back and said she thought it was a little soon for us to be spending the night in together. So, she said have fun with your friends this weekend and I'll give you a call when I have time to breathe. I was a bit down, because I figured I'd F'd it up. But - asked my buddy for advice and he told me that I didn't think about it clearly enough - that suggesting a bottle of wine was not a good idea. When I thought about it, I knew he was right. I had good intentions, but I guess it freaked her out a bit. I asked my sister for advice too and she said she would have reacted the same way. So, on Saturday I sent her an email apologizing saying that I had no bad intentions, it was just me trying to do a nice gesture since I knew she was kind of tired. She replied back later that day, to my delight, and said that she understood and it was just a small misunderstanding and she didn't want something that small to get in the way when a simple 5 minute conversation could clear it up. Then she said in the email for me to call her when I got some time. Sunday: I was planning on calling her in the evening, but to my surprise she called me around lunch time and we talked for an hour. Great conversation, we made plans to see each other this coming weekend (her suggestion, not mine) - and she ended the call by saying for me to call her when I had a minute this week. I hung up so happy, feeling like its still all good.
Today, I sent an email this morning and anxiously checked my email this morning - and nothing back from her. I know its probably stupid - but I really do like this girl.
I just need some advice of someone who has faced a problem similar to this one. Like I said, I don't care if I have sex with her - it would be nice, and I'm sure it could happen in time - but I need to build comfort and trust with her and make her let her guard down with me and let me in first. It is a fine line I walk right now - if I don't call enough or show enough interest, then she could think I'm just not interested at all. On the other hand, calling too much would scare her away. I've never been one to call too much or anything like that - but what scares me is just doing the normal routine that I do that works and having it backfire on me.
Please Help!
A couple of other items of significance I think are worth mentioning here, and some of the reasons I think she is so scared:
1) Apparently, she wasn't married very long before her husband decided to leave her for no good reason other than he felt like he had settled down before he was ready
2) She met a guy earlier this year through one of the online matching services and said they dated for several months and she was hopeful, but then he freaked out about the divorce he was going through and broke things off. She said it scared her.
3) She says she worked most of her 20's away, so she hasn't had a whole lot of dating experience, per se. Based on what I've seen - its probably true to a degree.
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CHAT