I will admit it now to you guys because i trust this place if full of decent people , I have no confidence at all . It sux ass being like this because i think if you dont have confidence you are screwed with women no matter what. Does anyone know anything i can do to try and build my confidence? would deagelos deep inner game help? Im sure alot of people here started out like me.

I found a couple of different things really helped me. Such as write down all your positive traits no matter how geeky/wierd you may think they are (Such as "I have a definite plan for Z-day and because of that I will survive)

and then remember that you are amazing for those reasons and noone else is like you. And realize that ANY girl that you chose would be LUCKY to have you. It is all about realizing NOT just THinking... but Realizing that you ARE the prize.

You can check out quite a few of the "self help" type stuff. Ross jeffries makes a good one and so does Deangelo, but you don't need to. Afirmations are a good thing to do aswell.

Oh and remember, these women that you approach don't matter until they become a part of your life! What if she blew you out of the water? Congratulations, she is in your life as much as she was 5 minutes before. No loss. How many women are in the world? what 4.5 billion? Say you get blown out alot... say 10 times a day. Say your 30. That means you have been trying for about 15 years. Thats 15yrsX10pr/dX365= 54,750 blow outs. What is one more against a woman who was never in your life in the first place? And what is those 55 thousand that you already can't be with compared to the whole? Not even 1000th of a percent.

So you have blown it with 1/1000th of a percent of the female population. That means only 99.999% left to try at. No biggie.

Call me when you get blown out by a whole 1% and we will talk.

EvoJ

P.S 1% is 4.5 million women taking an average of 12,328 years (give or take a month.)

Rambo,

EvoJ is right (he usually is and that sentiment is genuine EvoJ) but I think you should hear what he says a different way: Don't concentrate on the outcome. Realize that you are only there to socialize. You're not going to accept the first average frustrated female chump to come along. NO! You are looking for one that is up to YOUR standards (and be picky.) and you're pretty sure that she's not in the room with you so the mission then becomes having fun with the people around you.

Here's an example. I was at a bar with some friends. I was introduced to a new acquaintence and when I get up to shake his hand, this late 20's HB8 steals my seat before I could sit back down. I started busting her chops over stealing my chair. She said she was sorry. I said no your not. If you were you wouldn't have done it. She said my cheeks weren't in the seat and then she slaps my ass. She does this a few more times and I just keep challenging her. I would always turn away and she woul slap my ass again trying to get my attention. She came back for more abuse 5 times and made my alleged female friend pissed at me for flirting with someone in her presence.

It was good for my game, my ego and my image. I felt like Michael Douglas. I loved it and I learned thhat I can get away with all kinds of things that a few months ago I had never dreamed of - all because I wasn't concerned about the outcome with this woman.

This is all counterintuitive. The wrong thing is always the right thing to do.

_________________
HLTW
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And the hunter shall become the hunted.

Let me ask you: Are you closer to acquiring even the smallest amount of discipline, or are you closer to absolute despair?

If you think you can pick up some confidence and you only have a little bit of social anxiety, then you just read a few threads floating around here on "Being the Prize" and about Alpha Male stuff. If you're a total vacuum of self loathing from which no light can escape, read on:

Going from absolute despair to confidence is a toughy, but there is a shortcut very few know about, and even less approve of. It requires a very open mind, and the ability to follow through with an idea to its logical conclusion before making hasty judgements.

It's my own brand of Cynicism (and one that is actually productive) that I developed when I was a teenager with major self esteem issues.

I want you to think of every insecurity you have. Think of every nasty thing people have said to you, insinuated to you, and probably think of you. Think about your every major fault.

Now embrace all of it. Hold every doubt as truth. You suck. No one likes you, no one will like you, and you're an eyesore. You're going to fail your next test, you're going to be shot down by every woman you ask out, and you're definitely not going to get that promotion. Chances are, you won't be finidng a better job anyplace else either.

Dwell on this for a while.

Consider what you're now going to do with your life accepting all of this. Kill yourself? You don't have the balls. Lie in bed all day? You'll get bored. Live as a bum? Not likely.

So what are you going to do now? You have no chance towards success. You've admitted it to yourself.

You'll go to work. You'll go to school. And to avoid becoming bored, you'll even work hard at both because when you get right down to it, that's the best way to spend your time. Don't bother yourself with being the best, or winning over anyone's approval. You're not going to do it; you suck.

So just have a good time. Ask the girl out who's going to turn you down. Have fun while you're doing it. Rag on her, act goofy, play around. Instead of thinking "This is going to be fun: I'm going to ask Jennifer out.", think "This is going to be fun: I'm going to get shot down by Jennifer." Make a spectacle out of yourself! And her! Rattle some cages! What the hell do you care? You're not getting anywhere with her anyhow, so you might as well use her to entertain yourself.

The main idea behind all this is: Anxiety is only for people with a chance towards success.

No hope, no anxiety.

So you just run around for a week or two with this in mind. Keep busy. You're hopeless and free, so you need to keep yourself from becoming bored.

Come back later and ask about confidence once you've had your fun.[/b]

_________________
Life is no less funny when someone dies than it is less serious when someone laughs. -- George Bernard Shaw

Public speaking more could help.

You gotta get that experience opening sets and talking to women - go to some sets that have girls you are not attracted to. Practice opening and DO NOT CARE ABOUT RESULTS.

not just confidence you need High self esteem................

which is made of .......

Positive self esteem:
- Self Love
- Self acceptance
- Self worth
- Self Confidence
- Self respect
- Self knowledge
- Self discipline


I beleive this is all the inner game they talk about

Guys pls correct me if I am wrong... !

First... Thanks HLTF. That is a very good way to explain it.

Second, Marudam... Yeah, that is what I mean when I say Inner Game. Your confidence comes from knowing that you are the most important person in whatever room that you have chosen to grace with your presence. Now, don't be arrogant but you should realize that YOU are the most important person in your life. That is extremely important! Once you realize that you are doing all this for You and that these people are here for You then it becomes much easier to deal with anyone (or it did with me).

Like when I see a nice HB I seriously think to myself... "Lets go make her day a bit brighter, by putting me in it." This leads me in multiple different emotional directions. I am showing myself that:

1. I am the Prize
2. I am going to make her life better
3. I want to be doing this because I am just that nice. (reinforces 1&2)

Seriously. From what I can tell, being a PUA is about

1. Finding the best part of yourself.
2. Learning to get the chance to show that part
3. Learning the best way to show that part.
4. Continually improving that part (and so improving yourself)
5. Showing that part to the lucky lady
6. Enjoying the rewards of being who you are. (Both of you.)


But Eh, maybe other people see it differently.

EvoJ

Here is the answer:

Experiment & Fail 10000000x times,then experiment & fail another 1000000x times,and then succeed that one time,and then know what success is.After you learn what success is and how it feels,repeat the process.

Exaggeration aside,dude,confidence comes from balls-to-the-wall approaching and experimenting.You will fail and succeed.That is where foundations are made.

There are many ways to gain confidence.Martial Arts,cold approaches,learning to master something,etc...

Whatever it is,once you know how good it feels to succeed,and that you feel you want,even NEED more,confidence will breed.

Gotta fuck up before you fuck in.

Hope that helped.
Bye bye.

I think for me martial arts is probably a good option or even walking up to any girl on the street and starting a convo, After ive finished my deangelo deep inner game i will hopefully have the know how to do these things. Thanks guys

The way it worked out for me is.

Practice led to social comfort
which led to success (I could start to see my game working)
which led to confidence.

I am almost positive that there's no magic CD or self-help book out there that will turn you into a superstar. There's no magic pill to take, so I would keep your money and not waste your time.

It's ALL about your # of quality (i.e., try your best) approaches. Getting blown out is like missing a foul shot in basketball, nothing more.

_________________
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Rambo,

I thought about this on my way home tonight. This helped me get over my total lack of self-confidence to the point where now I just don’t give a fuck. You either like me or you don’t and I really don’t give a shit which it is. Do this:

Chat up everyone you meet. Let’s say you’re buying groceries. You pick a register with the hottest babe or at least the hottest one you’ve got the balls to talk to. Talk to her. Tell her you’re sorry she has to work. It’s such a beautiful day outside. Say anything. Make small talk. Remember, there is no objective here. You’re not interested in asking her out. Just in making small talk. And after a few of those go well, you’ll grow bigger balls and pick hotter babes. Don’t forget the older women. They can be fun as well especially when you slightly embarrass them. I’ve got this one hired gun that I have embarrassed so much she now turns beet red just at my sight, but she is still smiling. You’re not asking them out on a date. You’re using them to desensitize you to the fear of talking to people and to hone your conversation skills, which you will need later. Don’t stop there. Be inventive. I chat up married babes in the same grocery store, especially if I can’t find a product. They love to help. I chat up the babes at coffee shops. My girlfriends get pissed at me because I chat up and flirt with everyone that sets herself up for it, and some that don’t, and I’ll do it right in front of them. Remember, the objective is not to get laid. It is to become extraordinarily comfortable conversing with women, and men if that’s a problem and the way to do that is to constantly chat up progressively hotter babes. Work on this every time you step out the door. Work at it long and hard enough and it will become the most natural thing in the world to you. Get to where this a normal part of your personality. Make this the most normal behavior in the world and then we’ll get you laid later.

By the way, have you considered that a lot of them might be as nervous and unconfident as you are?

_________________
HLTW
*********************************
And the hunter shall become the hunted.

Rambo,

One last thing. I reached a turning point in my effort to overcome my total lack of self confidence. I had been in therapy for this for about 2 years for this problem and my therapist finally said “Wolf, it seems to me that you think that tree outside my window has more right to exist than you do.” And that changed everything.

You have as much right to exist as I do. Believe it.

_________________
HLTW
*********************************
And the hunter shall become the hunted.

YA im still a new guy but with problems like these Im the best to relate to
i used to find it hard to approach girls because of my lack in confidence I think the real and best way to get it out of the way psush yourself out of your comfort zone go to a club out of town somewhere u have neva been even a bar u rarely visit the objective start a random conversation with any1 no matter how boring the topic the aim is to come out knowing something you didnt when u entered do this until u can easily pick up on anything and talk about it. By this time you should have built a familar feeling for talking now the real test talk to the random girl not sarge talk interest her enough to keep answering. if you complete htese steps you are confident dont ever let her looks distract you so you gonna have to swallow your pride and hunt the grunt.

It sounds radical and illogical but it worked or me now i feel more confident the more i speak.

....the first step is always the hardest.

Thanks for all your input guys , I appreciatte it very much , Im very glad i found this place.

A lot has been suggested here. I don't want to repeat these concepts, so I'll just throw you my two cents... Something that has helped me a lot in maintaining a good level of confidence and love for myself...

Build unique, useful skills. Not only can this impress others, but it will help you feel more unique! For me that's magic tricks (mostly the branch of mentalism). Whenever I'm feeling down, I can start practicing tricks in front of a mirror or with a friend. It reminds me how unique I am, how important I am. I believe we're all unique and play some sort of importance in life. You are certainly no exception to this.

Sometimes it just takes a while to realize this... Our frames of reality can be knocked down and our confidence goes with it. You need to find ways to readjust these frames.

Best of luck!

- JasonD

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Jason D at The Game . Net