| I really didn't think that this ever needed to be mentioned or emphasized since it is so obvious to me, but while helping one of my real-life friends with a situation a few days ago I realized just how few people really put time and effort into this particular facet of their personality--and just how important it is to overall inner game. So for those who have already developed this characteristic, please ignore the hyperbolic title and comment on how much adding it helped your game. And for the rest of you, I want you to make a commitment to me ahead of time to really dig in and put some energy into this, because I know first hand it will change not only your game but your life in general.
On community boards, you regularly hear the words "alpha" and "beta," "AFC" and "PUA" bantered about as adjectives that describe a certain subset of behavior. "A true alpha would never do this;" "The PUA always does that," etc etc. It is apparent to me that on one side of the equation you have those who are ineffective in inter-personal relations (the betas and AFCs) and on the other are those who are skilled at them (the alphas, PUAs and naturals). Each side has a certain set of OUTER behavior which we use to define and categorize them, and those behaviors stem from certain internal beliefs that we collectively refer to as "inner game."
Every aspect of inner game I have seen discussed since I first discovered the community in early September has, in actuality, been a characteristic that plays a supporting role to a much larger, overriding perspective. And since I am all about cutting through BS and getting to the root of an issue, it seems much more efficient and beneficial in the long run to attain that overriding perspective first, than to reverse-engineer it from its supporting cast of attitudes. So exactly what perspective am I referring to?
I am talking about the combination of standards and boundaries. Let's discuss each concept separately:
Standards
For the AFC, all a woman must do to be considered desirable is be attractive. Thus, all that is necessary to set yourself apart in this department is to design an extensive and specific set of standards (preferably high ones!) for any lady in your life. Sounds hard, right? It isn't. All you have to do is imagine your perfect, ideal mate. Think about every detail, physical and mental--from the way her eyes glimmer when she looks at you to the way she always takes your side in a disagreement, even when you're wrong. Take it all in, and remember it. Write these qualities down--they are your standards!
Now you're probably saying, "But wait 870, no girl could possibly live up to all the qualities I just imagined!" You're right, and that's the point. By setting your expectations high, you not only attract high-quality people into your life, but also nip all those nasty beta-behaviors in the bud. After all, why would you be tempted to supplicate to a woman or develop oneitis over somebody who doesn't even meet all your standards? Once you've ingrained this into your mind, AA will be a thing of the past because no woman will be out of your league, so long as you believe you are worthy of your 100% perfect girl. And with a board full of this much sexiness, I know you are all worthy.
Boundaries
There's a reason I saved the discussion on boundaries for last--it's because it's the most important part of the equation. There is absolutely no replacement for it, no way to fake it, and no way to have a healthy relationship (on any level) with anyone without it. You absolutely must decide what behavior you are willing to accept from a woman (and from men) and what you aren't, and hold steadfastly to those values no matter what.
Will this mean that you eject from otherwise-good sets? Probably. Does it mean you will end interactions with women before you've slept with them? Definitely. This is not a guide to full-closing every single girl you meet, this is a stepping stone to being a man who doesn't back down from his convictions--an alpha.
Once you've set these boundaries, you must maintain a willingness to walk away at all times if someone violates them. If you don't, you will be walked on. By women, by men, by life. Simple as that. As my best friend in the hood used to say, "If you let people walk all over you, they will."
Decide which things are dealbreakers for you and accept none of them, under any circumstances ... then watch the quality of women in your phone book go through the roof.
Putting it All Together
If you've made it this far into this behemoth of a post and honored the commitment you made to me at the beginning, you've probably started on your list of standards and boundaries already. That's great! But know that you must also keep your S&B flexible and "alive," since life experience will inevitably change what you look for in a companion as you discover more of what you like and what you don't. Let the dynamic between your standards and boundaries serve as a frame of reference to guide your interactions and see if you don't reach a whole new echelon of happiness.
Your boy,
870
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CHAT
