Dear Locke:

I'm in a conundrum that I figure only you can solve. I'm sorry if this is a rambling email. I meet this native Swedish HB9 27 yr old on an online dating service (I'm 29). First date goes well. Second date goes well, we make out. Third date goes well, she goes back to my place, we make out there. She goes home. After the third date, she sends me an email stating that she thinks we are moving too fast and asks if we can just be friends. I say no, I have over 400+ friends on Facebook and did not join an online dating service for another friend. We go back and forth and she reconsiders and we start going out again. After about a month, I seal the deal. She tells me she is in love with me, I'm in love with her. She is into international development. She applied for a job with the UN and that fell through. So she was going to have to go home to Sweden because her Visa is running out.

She had gotten out of 7-yr relationship 9 months earlier. But when she first met the guy, she was 19, he was 38. He is also a millionaire ambulance chaser. (I will from now on refer to him as douchebag).

They had an LDR for 7 years, because he is rich, he was able to fly out and see her at least once every two months but they never stayed more than 3 weeks together. She finally moved to the states to be with him and that was when he told her he didn't want to have kids, so she broke up with him. But they stay in touch, calling each other once in a while.

Back to us, everything is going great. We're having sex on a regular basis. After a month and a half, she decides that she is going to move in with me for the last two weeks of her stay in the US before she has to go back to Sweden. A few days before she moves in with me. He asked her to meet her for lunch. He tells her that he wants her back, and while he isn't thrilled about having kids, (he is 45 now), he'll do it if she really wants.

She decides to tell all this BY TEXT along with saying that she isn't moving in with me. She says she is confused and needs a few days to think about all this. After a few days, she decides to stick with me. She actually moves in the last few days before she goes back to Sweden.

Now, its been a month since she's gone back to Sweden. She still talks to douchbag (which bothers me) but only for a few minutes every week. We talk by webcam for over an hour usually at least twice a week. She really enjoys phone/webcam sex. I'm trying to get her to come back. She says that she doesn't want to come back to America unless she has a job. She needs a job with a Visa. I tell her that it is virtually impossible to get a job from overseas. She needs to be in America. I think with my connections, I could probably find her a job if she is in America. But, she says she still has feelings for douchebag and she doesn't want to comeback until she sorts out her feelings. She won't let me send her Christmas presents, or even visit her in Sweden. She thinks this is me pressuring her. I try and tell her that after 7 yrs, she didn't even know douchebag but she knows me after a few months. But logic doesn't work, she just thinks I'm pressuring her.

So, what is the best way for me to get her to come back to America to me and get rid of douchebag. I really don't think the Visa problem is an issue. I'm really in love with her. I think I should give it until the end of the year and move on. What do I do?

Great post, really a lot of material to work with here.

And thanks for loving Swedish girls. I love them too.

Fist of all, remember, money has no value. Money gives power, which has value - but it has none in itself.

Secondly, you might not understand why she sees the Visa as a problem. she might, or might not do this. Let me rephrasE: she might, or she might use it as an excuse.

I want you to get one thing. She had feelings for your opponent. You can rationalize 'til you die about money, looks, god, how women are whores.. but she did. And she still has. If she broke up JUST because of this baby-thing.. then you have a situation. And I assume you have.

First thing you got to do here is to take a step back. She wont come to you if you push her too hard, right? Realize that you can't push her. What about supporting her?

I suggest to lower your opponents value. How can this be done? You can figure out ways, just make sure it's not too obvious that you're jelous. No pushing, remember.

After lowering his value, you got to boost your own. Invite her over, and do everything she loves for a day. Her breakfast, her activity during the day, her resturant, her food, her night-activity, and give her amazing sex. If you just say "do as you want, take him or me, now gtfo my face bitch", she will obviously not come back to you. Also, note that you can't say "you pick a resturant". No. Ask her what she likes to eat, and YOU pick the correct place. Alpha.

That's basicly it. In my opinion: lower his value, boost your own. If she has the best weekend of her life with YOU... why should she pick HIM?

I'm assuming you already know the game.

Good luck^^.

P.S. And yeah, I'm not Locke. But that post wasnt an email either

_________________
Style: Who do you think lies more...
DeAngelo: What's up fool?
AFC: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I hope I'm posting this to the right place. Anyway, thanks for your advice. I like your ideas. I've been trying to invite her over from sweden but she is resistant. She doesn't want to come over while she still has conflicted feelings.

My next question is how to lower my opponents value. A friend of mine was thinking of just dropping in a few lines like ""I guess I just put caring for my friends ahead of everything else - but maybe I'll learn one day to just focus on money".

I have another idea. I have a friend of mine who my girl despises. He is a PUA who slept with 40 girls in 2007. He is also over 40. He has a lot in common with douchebag. They both have money. They both were married for a few years younger in life. They are both over 40 and they date girls in their early 20s or younger. The only difference is that douchebag doesn't sleep with 40 girls a year (or so my girl believes).

I told her how I think a guy in his forties who dates girls in his twenties is awful. She accused me of hypocrisy for being friends with the PUA while hating her ex. My idea is to just casually bring the idea that my PUA friend is going to Britain to spend some time with his early 20s girl in Britain. My hope is that she will react with disgust about him leading a girl
on. I will state that I don't judge people and that I think he is a good person.

My goal is to get to the point where I can say, "so, a much older guy who leads a much younger guy for an extended period of time is not a good person, really?"

Let me know what you think.