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Seems to me if you're hanging out at her place at 4 AM you ARE going out with her.
This is exactly the point I was talking about. It doesn't matter what you are doing or not doing with the girl. You might be seeing her 3 times a week or more and having regular sex with her and all your friends and family know her, then you say, "So, we're boyfriend and girlfriend, right?" and she might decide that she doesn't really wanna move that fast, because she is in a wierd place.
Men are the dominance to women's submissiveness. We are the lead and they follow. This is how it works in dance and this is how it works in relationship and PU. As David Shade says, "She should always be able to say, 'It just happened!'" If she can say that you asked her out and she said yes, or you said you wanted to sleep with her and she said yes, then you didn't do it right and she will likely say 'no'. Take the lead, let her know where its going, but you don't have to put it into words that she can say 'no' to, because that is the common response, even when she wants you to fuck her over the kitchen table, because thats just how society and nature has forced women to be.