Hey guys,

I've been gaming a lot more recently, and I've just recieved some crappy news.

I met a couple girls about a week ago in a counseling office (at separate times) that I go to.

Anyway, I just found out today that both women I approached were freaked out and reported me.

I don't know what I'm doing to scare them. One of them I only had a conversation with, the other one I actually gamed and gave her my number, and she did a lot of the pursuing from there, plus she was giving me pretty good eye contact and a LOT of flirtatious behavior like she wanted me to approach. So I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I've heard this time and time again, that I'm too intense, and most females can't handle my energy, so I'm wondering if any of you guys have any insight into why I might be scaring women, with my body language, tonality, whatever... There's something not clicking, and it needs to change.

To say the least, I'm bummed and depressed today. I'll look at any responses I get later. It's really crappy to have two girls flirt with and respond to you, only to later find out they were both scared of you. So my game is off. And I REALLY want to identify the problem so I don't do it again.

I feel like not even approaching anymore.

The humiliation isn't worth it.

~PYRO~!

_________________
The Fire of Prometheus beckons the willing.

That sucks man. I used to get told I was too intense too. The way I got around it was I just stopped trying as hard and try to not care how things go one way or the other. You still try, but be laid back while you're doing it. Try to keep in mind that she's gonna be benifiting from being in YOUR life, not the other way around. That's the frame that I keep in mind and get the girls to chase after me. Haven't been called a creep since.

Okay....

If you met those girls in a counseling office is there a chance that they had their OWN problems which didn't help with their perception of you?


I have to say... that I think intense is sexy. If what you're speaking of is indeed intensity.

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Check out my blog-

http://seducingashley.wordpress.com

i feel you dude. I used to have the habit of being way too intense. the best way to do it is every time you so intense that you scare a chick take a week or two off of sarging. If you notice yourself getting too intense then give a false time constraint or take a break from talking and hope she continues with "so...what..." etc for an IOI. It's better to crash and burn than to creep a girl out because as great as it is to sarge it's an ego destroyer if you creep them out.

I hope this helps

Thanks guys.

And yeah, everyone says what I have is "intensity"... My therapist even says it. She says I have very combative body language, and drilling eye contact. And I've had several other people say I'm intense, too, but they all disagree about "how" I'm intense...

But yeah, this girl, one of them that complained, had also said she liked intensity.

And my therapist did mention that, even though she didn't think I would be physically forcible with girls, I probably came across that way.

Also, two things to keep in mind with me is I live in Utah (very southern part, extremely conservative community) and I have Asperger's Syndrome, which makes me socially unable to read other people or what I'm doing wrong in social contexts.

James

_________________
The Fire of Prometheus beckons the willing.

I'm a psych major dude and I have to give you credit for taking the initiative. You definitely have more awareness than anybody with Aspergers that I've ever known or worked with. keep it up and you can learn to overcome it..

Remember, it makes it difficult for you to read social interactions but not impossible to learn how. Think of learning them the same way you learn how to be a PUA. It's just another routine by deducing people's body language and reactions to you. Or you can think about reading people in a poker game as well.
It also greatly helps to have good friends who can let you know whenever you're being too intense. Good luck and remember that even if you ask your therapist she'll agree you're probably one of if not the highest function person with Aspergers she's ever met. As cheesy it may seem this will be a big ego booster for you

Ouch, that sounds like the worst thing that a PUA could have (sorry man, but its the truth). You're gonna have to really work on schooling yourself so that even though you may not be able to read what's going on in other people, you know that you are performing properly.

As for intensity, there are a couple types. There is the intesity that comes off as being threatening and then intensity that speaks of excitement and joy for life. They sometimes cross paths and can be hard to distinguish for some people and especially with your dissablity it might be hard to figure this out. The easiest way I'm able to explain the difference is to say that the first happens when you become focused on another person (doesn't matter how nice your intentions are, I left a girl flowers and told her that if the guy who raped her ever touched her again I would break his hands and I became the bad guy) then this tends to become their perspective. Whereas the second type, the desireable intensity comes from just being happy to be who you are and seeming to be positive and driven to make things work, but directly focused on a person. The problem lies in perspective and the fact that when you are the person being focused on it can be scary. Its complex and I could talk for a very long time on the subject of anything psychology related, so if you have any questions please feel free to PM me. I'm planning on going back to school next fall to start working on a masters in psychology and eventually become a sex therapist/educator, so I take this as practice.

Thanks guys. I probably will have LOTS of questions about where I go wrong with girls in the near future. I'm approaching a lot of them, so check my field reports. I think now would be a good time to take a break from Sarging and figure out my life, though. After this last breakthrough with women, where I was told I was creepy, and the story about my psycho ex (also posted in PUA Lounge), I'm having trouble thinking of women in positive terms at all. I may need to just quietly withdrawn into my shell for a week and think things over.

James

_________________
The Fire of Prometheus beckons the willing.

I'd recommend not pulling back too far. You don't have to be sarging to keep yourself out there and interact with people. You've had some setbacks, yes, but you've also made some dramatic breakthroughs and you've got lots of people here to help you out, but making some more friends in the real world that can help you in person will do you good. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks, Ryan. I do need to have some friends over. I've been calling up friends all day, I'm so upset. I really don't know what I did wrong...this girl gave me all the social cues she was ready to be approached, flirtatious winking, eye contact, smiles...and then pulls away and reports me. And then I've got one more report, from I-don't-know-who, but probably the other girl I just started up a friendly conversation with...and I'm feeling burnt. To a shell.

Why should assholes get laid when all I want is to have a friendly chat, and I get rebuffed? Seriously. I don't think I'm that intimidating. I'm 5' 7", not buff, and I'm fairly good-looking, I think. I know I'm ranting, but I wish to God women filled out report cards giving you feedback on what you did right and wrong after every date, because I have a hard enough time figuring things out being an Aspy, without having to do guesswork on why women flirt and then run out on me and get scared.

James

_________________
The Fire of Prometheus beckons the willing.

Were we to look through the scope of the Mystery Method...


I think you should try to control your intensity but unleash it once you're past attraction, comfort, and into the seduction phase. I think intensity would be a huge plus there.

Maybe you show too much interest and used too much energy, and don't seem relaxed enough. Perhaps one of these girls saw you standing/sitting there, thought you were cute and sort of shy, then you came over and were the opposite of what attracted her to you, which didn't feel natural too her by comparison. Just a guess.

This might be true, Aspergers comes with some pretty rigid thinking patterns. I'm guessing I either appear too rigid and fixated, or too nervous. I have trouble controlling myself in those respects, so I guess I might be on my own with that

I wouldn't mind trying out an NLP approach toward solutioning some of these problems. Not sure how that'll work out, but it's worth the effort. Anyone know any prerecorded NLP CDs that contain programs to improve confidence or game?

_________________
The Fire of Prometheus beckons the willing.

First, your energy should always be a little lower or just a tad higher then the targets.
Second, never give a girl your number thats a little too much, always get the girls number.