So I just got back from a 5 day camping trip in Canada. It was a blast; there were tons a ton a people my age there. We spent every day on the beach playing volleyball and football, and in the boat wakeboarding and tubing. We spent the evenings around the campfire sharing stories and singing songs.

Anyways, there was this Canadian girl there who was amazing looking, and had an even more amazing personality. Basically this girl is a keeper. I was like, "It's worth a shot, let's see if I can get somewhere." But another guy that was with us apparently had the same idea.

The problem with that, is that everything we did that weekend was competitive in some fashion. And he was better than me at just about everything we did. Wakeboarding, tube wars, volleyball, football, etc. But I'll admit, sports are generally a weak point for me. The guy also had a better sense of humor than me. Basically he DHV'd without saying much of anything.

It was painfully obvious by the end of the trip that she was totally into that guy. The other guy wasn't even around for half the trip either. It doesn't bother me that much, but it's just a wake up call that I need to get off of the computer and get good at something. I don't know how to DHV very well all, but I think being really good at something I can demonstrate (Some sort of sport), will automatically give me some extra value.

Anyone have any tips on how I can DHV in conversation, even if I am at a disadvantage otherwise?

I personally think with him kind of out shining you in sports you kind of lost ... women love winners ... I think the only way you could of won is with having a better sense of humor or demostrating being an alpha male ... I think simply if you sucked at sports you should of made a sense of humor about it and just went funny with it ...

Yeah good point. I think from now on I'm going to get involved with sports as much as I can so it isn't such a weakness for me.

Personally, I wouldn't pay to much mind of trying to be better as sports rather then just escalating your game and working on your game if you would of charmed the shit off her pants, if he won all games and had better sense of humor I think you would of advanced and picked her up ...

I'd try and re-frame this. If you get the chance to talk to this girl you can AMOG him really badly "It's brilliant he excels at those things but I dunno....I wouldn't want to be him. His drive comes from this deep-seated desire to be loved, you can tell he doesn't feel valuable inside so he tries to impress people. I feel a little sorry for him. I've always felt like I never had to prove myself because I'm just such an amazing guy...(smile here, half ironically). I had a few girls with exes like that, one girl told me "In the end I got sick of his bullshit, I much prefer being with a guy who makes me feel good." (maybe point to yourself subtly here, good NLP)

Remember, none of that shit he does really matters. Being good at volleyball is not an intrinsically useful skill, any more than being able to play Call of Duty really well, indeed in its own way it is kind of sad. It is at least partly your belief that it is that is DHV'ing him and DLV'ing you. If the girl starts to believe that the winner is the guy who rises above these petty physical contests of strength then you become the winner.

You could actually ask her "Are you one of those shallow women who is swayed by primitive male power displays?" She will almost certainly say no, and once she's actually said it it will be harder for her psychologically to actually act the opposite, not to mention she's qualifying herself to you. Then you could say "Don't you think it is more important for a guy to have inner strength than chase after some prize in some crap meaningless sport?" Again, she'll agree.

Remember you can't be good at everything and you need a way to re-frame these situations which everyone encounters.

I agree w/ TrueFlame; he posted some good insights that you should consider about your situation.

Also, I think you are putting too much emphasis on winning/losing. Isn't sports supposed to be about having fun???

If you were messing with the girl the whole time while you were playing these sports by having fun n stuff, you could have changed the outcome. Who cares about the activity thats goin on right now, I'd be more interested in messing around w/ chicks man.

I will also add that, you shouldn't worry so much about being good at sports, but you should worry about being in shape/going to the gym. Take care of your body and others will notice that.

You can make fun of that guy by saying things liek "he's got a one track mind, he only cares about winning at sports" or something. Just like put your situation in an objective perspective and think of cocky-funny/clever things you could say in the situation that will DHV you. Being good at sports can be a DHV, to a certain extent, but I would say don't worry too much about it.

_________________
icon

I agree and disagree ... personally I think putting a man down in any form or fashion is cowardly ... let the better man win and let the better man get the gurl ... there are so many more women out there to be trying to lower someone elses value ... but I do agree if you sucked at sports like I was saying you should of made it into a fun event or grab her in a flirted while making the game fun ... but to me taking value or trying to write another man off is a BIG NO NO ...

I agree with icon-rob and was thinking something similar before i read his reply. Other then the agreeing with trueflame.
I think you should have turned the games into something fun and used them to flirt or DHV to her. I highly doubt a girl wants a guy over the outcome of a football game unless shes a football fan which some girls are. But if you would have been more entertaining or had more fun playing then the other guys then she would have noticed that and it would have taken priority over who was winning. There are some girls that just want the winners but most would rather have the guy that seems fun and exciting like someone they would want to spend time with.

I dont think putting the other guy down would be contructive. It would seem jealous and imature and she would probly notice. But by being fun and the center of attention will remove the power from his success of beating you at sports. Maybe next time be creative and get the girls involved or do something fun and unexpected. Steal the spot light in a way. I am not a big fan of AMOGing tho there are times when i will use it. But it usually backfires if someone knows the other person or they already think highly of the person. It might work against u and the girl might pickup on what you are doing. Just my thoughts.

Skankin

The point is not really to lower the other guy's value, it is to raise yours. If the girl's perception is that guys who win at sports rock then nothing you can really do in this situation will help.

I would find it extremely difficult as a practical matter to make the game into a fun event without seeming like a clown and destroying your social value. Maybe you guys could pull it off, but I can't recall any kind of sports scenario I've been in where the "fun guy" came off like the alpha male.

When I wrote above in the canned dialogue "I feel sorry for the guy", I was thinking of an actual situation where I really meant it. Sports guys are often incredibly driven by insecurity. Obviously, if you say something like that, then you need to be extremely careful that it is not perceived consciously as a put-down. In fact, it may be better not to mention the other guy at all, and just refer to generic sports guys.