Hey there,

About 2 weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend. She had said that I was the best thing that ever happened to her and a lot of other stuff, then a week later decided she didnt want to be in a relationship. Shes not the type to get freaked out by things getting serious, she just genuinly didnt feel as strongly for me anymore. Shes extremly confident, beautiful, sexy, a complete cock tease and successful in business at 19. Im lanky and i have a baby face. She chose me for a reason. And Im sorry to say but im desperate to have her back.

Thing is, we are still in contact everyday. She texts me and calls me a lot. Its not as frequent, but she calls me every night. 1 night we got talking about the whole friends with benefits type of thing, something which im very keen on, shes gotta be HB9. But then the next conversation she wasnt as up for it.

I've told her that im here for her in whatever way she wants, as a boyfriend as a friend whatever because she does really mean a lot to me. But if I want to get her back, after reading these forums Im pretty sure Ive made a big mistake by telling her ill always be there.

She came round my house on Saturday to watch a bit of TV. We were laying in my bed when she put her arm over for me to do that stupid 'drawing on her arm' thing that girls seem to love. I definatly saw this as an IOI so after a few minutes I tried to take things to another level by kissing her cheek and stroking her hair. She seemed to enjoy it, but then when my hands went wandering she kinda freaked out (obviously trying to fight something as she seemed to want to). Shes saying its too soon to get physical with me again. Admitedly it is only 2 weeks since we broke up, but how do I get back in there after this set back?

Id say at the moment 90% of our contact is made by her. I dont call or text her often as Im the one thats been dumped and dont want to seem needy or even creepy. I cant resist the temptation of turning the conversation into about us again, not about how much I want her back, but stuff like Im always here for you etc etc and shes said outright that Im not going to get the kind of responces I want right now. She hasnt ruled out physical stuff in the future.

Can anyone help me out with this? I would be made up if she wanted me again but have been put off by what shes been saying. She could get any guy she wanted and its driving me crazy thinking of another guy with her. Should I break off all contact and try and move on, should I push this friends with benefits thing or is there any hope in getting her back? She must of liked me for a reason and we had an amazing time together. HELP

Thanks, Platinum

I would say move on, otherwise you will be prolonging the inevitable. Friends with benefits will last as long as it takes her to find another guy (who she can fuck and will take her to dinner). So the end is nigh, however by moving on and looking for other women you will probably get some action form her without trying anyway.

So, you can win-ish for a week or two then things will suck as you will have invested further or you can cut your loses and may get some unexpected sex.

Cheers for getting back to me mate. Yeah I was afraid of that I think my main problem is that im afraid ill never get someone as hot as her again. Im not at my most confident at the moment. I think im cut up about that more than anything else. If I felt I could just go out and pick up another girl then I dont think id be feeling as bad as I do.

Look at it this way you had a hotter girl than most guys get and if you got one why not another? I know this all sounds kinda impossible at the moment but you need to realize the way you are looking at the world SPAM is skewed. I got fait in you man go out there and get a hotter girl

I think the best thing you could do is act as if you don't want her back. Don't answer her calls or texts for a while and don't hang out with her. This maybe really hard for you but I think it's the best thing to do in these situations.

If you do speak to her and she wants to hang out, tell her your going to hang out with another girl. Act really happy on the phone to her and in person. Make sure if you talk to her it's not about relationship stuff rather about something thats new or exciting in your life.

But seriously cut the every day contact to nothing and see what she does.

I had a HB break up with me last year and I didn't contact her at all. Three days later she couldn't bear being without me.

Yeah I have thought about doing this a lot bud but its just like you said, painfully hard! Especially when we ended on good terms and still think the world of eachother. She just seems so sincere and almost apologetic when she tells me shes not going to change her mind, I really cant see it happening. I know its probably not true, but its like shes different to other girls, wise to every single possible situation and knows EXACTLY what she wants. But on the other hand how can she say all these things to me and then feel different the next week? She says she cant help how she is. I think I just need to finally get in THE GAME lads. I've been in my comfort zone to long

Yeah man it's hard I know it's hard. It's one of the hardest things when someone you like so much suddenly doesn't want to be with you.

That's why you learn pickup. The next girl that breaks up with you, you'll be like Ok. Show her the door. End all contact with her.

But yeah I'm really harsh when it comes to these situations. There's just no point wasting your time on things you can't change.

Cheers man, Im already starting to feel a bit better about it just by coming on here and getting different guys opinions and advice! I dont think I could just go out and pick up straight away, as I say Im not really at my most confident at the moment, but I suppose from here the only way is up and im pretty damn well commited to bettering myself even if it did take heartbreak to give me a kick up the ass.

*UPDATE*

I took you guys advice and havent called her or text her. She instant messages me on facebook everytime we're on and ive just been really short with her. Not rude, but just simple answers, not asking her questions etc.

Shes just sent me a text just this second. 'I hate that Ive lost you now but I guess I couldnt have expected anything else'

I realise my next move is critical. Do I text her back or do I not? Do I tell her how I feel? Do I just act like I dont care and tell her she hasnt lost me but nothing else? Any other suggestions?

Help please