| In a fire, during a hostage situation, during a 7.5 Richter scale earthquake, while being told you have been diagnosed with cancer, when having your stomach pumped due to alcohol poisoning, during jump instructions for your first time skydiving, while artificially inseminating a cow using a long latex glove and bull semen, when working with plutonium, after receiving a particularly nasty paper cut, while filing your taxes at home alone, when pinned under the wheels of a semi-truck carrying a load of balsa wood, while scuba diving, during a stroke, while counseling a recent acquaintance-rape victim, During nine-eleven, while operating heavy machinery, while operating a firearm, when walking a tightrope with no safety net below, during your prostate exam, while administering a prostate exam, while gargling with mouth wash, at your cousin's funeral where only a small number of family members are in attendance, while playing Toon Town on the Disney website, while handling biological weapons, during a heart attack, while in confessional (assuming you are Catholic), upon bleeding out of your rectum due to a bike jump gone bad, during your son's circumcision, at a family reunion, while pole-vaulting, while being cavity searched at the border by a non-English speaking man with an AK47, when speaking to the woman behind the counter at the DMV who has an angry scowl afixed to her face and a mustache and shoulders larger than yours, during a drive-by shooting of your house, while standing in an adjacent urinal to another man at a sporting event, when driving a Nascar race car, under the influence of barbiturates mushrooms and household bleach, during the reading of your recently deceased relative's will, while playing with your niece and her barbies, while performing brain and/or heart surgery, while on fire, during a root canal, while cutting a blowfish for "fugu", while speaking to an 80 year old survival of the holocaust, when giving your dog and yourself a bath in the same shower, during an MRI, upon receiving a severe chemical burn, when matadoring a bull fight, while receiving a speeding ticket from a burly male officer, upon being impaled on a picket fence, after a car accident where airbags have been deployed, in prison-- to other inmates...
Need I go on?
~Antithesis
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