| Guys . . . this is where "lies" come into play.
You don't lie that you're some surgeon who just came back from Doctors without borders in Laos or whatever. This is just plain stupid and it's on par with the OP's creations.
However, in certain situations, especially those homogeneous night spots where everybody is a damn lawyer or some yahoo, it's hilarious to open up with whack lies if people ask "whack questions".
I mean . . . it's OK when a guy asks you what you do because this is a guy thing to do in order to size up "alpha" vs. "beta". But when a girl asks you stuff like, "How old are you . . . what kind of car do you drive . . . what do you do?" - right after meeting, this is absurd. So they get absurd in return.
"I hitch hiked here . . . Yes, I am what you would call an 'International daredevil' . . . 'You may have guessed, I am a stunt man' . . . 'I am 50 years old' . . . 'I have just returned from my training at the Shaolin Temple' . . . 'I am training for the Middle Eastern Kiting Championships' . . . etc . . .
This works for me because I can ad-lib and just GOOOOO with it. Of the hundreds of times I've done this, I've gotten ONE bad response. This prissy Indian girl who was short on words began smoking nervously because she knew she couldn't keep up, "You're lying." (Puff, puff, puff)
Kasabi: Yes, you caught me. I am in fact, not a kung fu master.
Indian girl: So what do you really do?
Yaaaaaaaaaaawn . . . . .
Some girls actually go along with it pretty seriously, "Oh my God? Really? That's so cool! I've heard about daredevils but what do daredevils actually do?"
Some girls go along with it at a high comedic level, "That is fucking great because I just returned from Thailand. Muai thai baby! Hai ya!!" (This one really did a knee to my belly with hands up and everything)
Some try to play along but they suck and these are the most endearing to me, "Really? Well, I guess I'm . . . let's see . . . hmm . . . OK, I'm a french maid then."
"No you're not."
"Why? I could be a French maid!"
"OK, you are . . . " (After looking up and down her body and ripping her clothes off with my eyes)
Clubs/bars are places to have fun and go nuts. It's not a place to "deceit" people into sucking your cock and it's 100% not a place to discuss global economics, your investment portfolio, or your make believe position in a make believe class system in our society. . . its' weak . . .
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