Hey I'm Alex and I'm 19. I'm a college sophomore. I'm a complete newbie to the PUA world. Let me just give you a little background about myself. I've had a lot of trouble with girls and relationships. I've been on only a few dates and never kissed a girl. Sad I know. I'm pretty average looking. I'm about 5'8" 150 lbs with curly black hair and an average body. I have some close friends but I tend to struggle in large social situations, particularly with girls whether it be dorms, classes, or any other event. I tend to get quite nervous while other people seem to flourish in these environments. I'm definitely no good with the partying scene and drinking and all that. It takes me a little extra effort to make friends. When it comes to girls, I usually don't know what to say. Its hard enough for me to approach and introduce myself let alone take it to the comfort phase.

Recently, I was at a clothing store and one of the employees seemed to be into me but I struggled with what to say. I came up with some lame line about her helping me to find a gift for a girl. That didn't work too well. I have a lot of trouble escalating things and building attraction, mostly because I'm not a huge fan of my looks. I've been trying hard to improve my confidence level and my approach with girls. A friend recently recommended Style's book The Game, so I've been reading that and learning a lot from that. I also watched season 1 of Mystery's show The Pickup Artist. I learned a lot from these but I still have trouble putting them into effect because of my nerves.

I need advice on how to approach social situations specifically with girls my age and how to fit in better. I don't party much so most of the places I meet girls would be at the dorms, classes, clothing stores, malls, movie theaters. I was just wondering if you guys could give me some advice on how to improve my social skills especially with girls. Are there any things that beginners can do to build up confidence? How can I initiate conversation without it seeming forced and planned? How do I build attraction when I'm not too fond of my looks? I'm sure some of you were in my shoes at one point, unsure of yourselves and uncomfortable with girls. Any advice would be helpful. I know there are a lot of talented PUAs in here so hopefully you guys can help me out.

I hear ya buddy, and what you are going through is quite a common thing. There's a lot of advice, gambits, routines, DHV stories, rapport building games, but the main thing is actually having the balls to approach a woman.

Now, do NOT get discouraged if you get blown out or if things didn't go well. ACTUALLY, don't even think of it as a failure. You succeeded in the mere fact that you approached, and the more you approach, the better you will get. Reframing your mind to seeing your failures as successes is really key.

I was really scared to approach women at first. I'm no mPUA by all means but through practice, I was able to approach and not care about the outcome. If I got blown out, I succeeded cause at least I approached. If things went great...I just practiced on attraction building and then comfort.

It's like a video game...one level to another level to another level.

I am guessing your nerves are keeping you from smiling and from looking at an HB or target in the eyes. Believe it or not, it really wont matter what you say to a woman, but if you're overly nervous and concentrating too much on being nervous, your body will show it.

So take your game and break them down into peices. Right now, work on approaching. When you get good at that...then work on attraction and then comfort building and so on. Don't expect to be a mPUA overnight.

Even if you remember all the gambits and routines in the world and become good at them, it still doesn't change the fact that some women out there wont appreciate your efforts. That's just life.

Ok what I did to overcome approach anxiety was to change my body posture...stand up straight, lean back, walk slower, keep your head up, and don't look at your feet when walking. Whenever you pass someone, give them eye contact, and smile. Even if they dont look your way...smile at them anyway. It's practice.

I practiced this and voice projection and self affirmations: What I would do is turn up the volume in my car loud when I was driving and say this self affirmation "I am self confident, so I will attract any beautiful women that I want" or "I am self confident, and beautiful women find me attractive" over the music.

This does two things:

It trains your voice to speak loud enough when you are in a club or a noisy bar so targets can hear you.

It also just makes you feel better and rewires your mind to saying "I am confident and I WILL attract beautiful women" instead of your old thinking of "I am NOT self confidenct. Beautiful women intimidate me."

Thanks for the response buddy. I really appreciate it and I'm glad someone can understand my situation. And I think you're right, I should make more of a gradual improvement rather than trying to rush things. So I'll definitely try to take it one step at a time. The posture idea is really good as well. I know a lot of the gambits and routines but putting them into effect is hard for me, but I'll keep trying to improve. Great advice though. Any other responses would be appreciated as well.

no problem bro. The Game is a great book, and Mystery's Method probably the best method out there.

Smiling is really powerful. When I first went back to school and took classes, I immediately walked in with a smile and anyone who looked my way, I smiled at them...if it's a guy, smile and say, "What's up bro?"

If it's the first day of class, I'll turn to the person next to me and ask (try to sit next to girls all the time), "Have you taken this teacher before?" They'll usually answer yes or no? This is a great way to start off a convo.

If she says no, simply say, "Man, I hope this class isn't going to be too tough." This opens another thread of convo.

or if she says yes, then ask, "How was it? Is the teacher cool or tough?"
this opens another thread of convo.

When you feel the convo is going to hit a snag, immediately introduce yourself, but don't do the usual handshake. Say something like, "We need a secret handshake." Then show her a secret handshake, make one up. This is a great way to kino, and it sets you apart from other guys.

After you're done showing her, ask if she remembers, and then say you'll show it to her again.

Introduce yourself again and have her do the same and show her the secret handshake again for practice. This is making her jump through your hoop. It is showing her that you take the lead, you're different, and that you're fun. Also, come on, you know how it is before a new class, most people are friggin bored anyway waiting for the class to start, so you're doing her a favor.

SHE WILL REMEMBER YOU.

You can then stack into any attraction building gambit like ESP routine, a mini cold read, a light hearted neg, or a joke.

I use the Girls Masturbating (forgot who the credit goes to but I think its Mystery) gambit a lot cause it gets a laugh.

Then stack to another joke while they or just she are laughing. One I use is: "Did you know that they created a food that makes women not want to have sex? Yah, there was a huge study in the Women's Journal (pause). It turns out it was wedding cake."

SMILING and EYE CONTACT is really important. Just the other day I was at a bar and went out to the patio to smoke. When I came back in, I was smiling and walking slow like I owned the place. The bar tender, a cute blonde, was standing at the juke box away from the bar selecting music to play.

When she looked at me, I held my eye contact and smiled even more. She smiled back and asked, "Did you want anything?"

I didn't answer her question. Instead, I asked, "You're gonna play something good, right?"

"Of course."

"Uh huh. What you putting in?"

She smiled and said, "You'll see."

Now, since she was quite aways from the bar, she did not have to ask me if I wanted anything. If I didn't hold my eye contact and smile, chances are she would have dismissed me and just waited to ask me when she got back behind the bar. I was just on my way to the bathroom anyways.

Furthermore, not long after when I went back to the patio to smoke again, she came out and proffessed to me that she did not put this music on (It was THE WHO Teenage Wasteland). She reinitiated a convo I had forgotten about and in the wise words of Mystery - qualified (which is an IOI).

I didn't have to run any gambits to approach or routines. It was just from smiling, holding eye contact, and appearing confident. Sometimes, that's all it takes.

The advice about meeting girls in class is definitely going to help me. There are a lot of cute girls in my classes, but I always fail to make our convos about more than academics. So those are some great tips you gave me. Eye contact has always been a problem for me because I don't want it to seem like I'm staring but I can definitely see how it helps and I'll try to improve it. I definitely need to get my confidence level up too, I just get really unsure about my looks so its hard for me to conjure up the right attitude. That's definitely something I need work on.

Any other thoughts?

i would recommend you to start off with (this sounds whacky), but go to a party and get WASTED! learn to party, when you are drunk... talk to all the girls and don't care how you sound or what you say... this will make you immune to embarassment at the moment, then the next time people will see you they'll think "MAN that guy was wasted! He knows how to party..." and this could potentially build your social circle and build social proof.

No problem, buddy...I totally had the same problem with the looks,
but Style (Neil Strauss) is the perfect example that looks mean
diddly when it comes to pick up.

And check this out...women are just as self concious about their looks as well. We are our own worst critics and chances are we don't look as bad as we think we do. You're a cool guy, but you have to believe it.

I know the self affirmations sound really stupid to do, but, hey, when someone else compliments you on something about you, how do you feel? You feel good, right. Self affirmations is no different...you're complimenting yourself.

Here are some other pointers I've noticed that helps with pick up:

Don't fidget too much. Don't play with a pencil or a pen. Nervous energy will make another person nervous as well.

Don't fold your arms or cross them against your chest. This is a defense mechanism that shows you are uncomfortable and closed off. It's like giving yourself a long reassuring hug. Only do this if you are cold or freezing.

It's not staring if you smile. If you don't smile it's staring. If you smile while looking and say, "Hey what's up?" or "How's it going?" you're just a fun socialable guy. When in convo, usually a person looks away when:

A. thinking about an answer to a question (oppinion openers are great for this).

B. pauses in mid sentence (which signifies they are thinking what to say next)

C. When some kind of disturbance happens...(loud noise, etc).

These are great times to break eye contact momentarily, but once she starts speaking again, resume eye contact. It's ok to break eye contact here and there, but don't dart your eyes all around the room when in convo. That is nervous energy and she will feel it and start looking away too. You want her focus on you which means you have to give the majority of your focus on her when in convo...but don't come across as needy. Lean back. If you got her complete attention...she will turn her body or shoulders toward you and lean forward.

I discovered this from a friend, but guys who laugh loudly attract women. My friend has a deep laugh and when he laughs it takes up a whole room. If you've ever heard Tom Cruise laugh (even though more nasaly) the dude laughs loud. Laughter is infectious, and the louder the laugh, the more infectious it is. Laughing is also a great time to break eye contact.

After asking how a chick is...the usual follow up will be that she asks you how you are...never say what AFC's say..."Good, fine, ok, etc." Say something different like -

"On a scale of 1 to 10...I'm a 10" or go "Oh my god, you'd never believe what just happened to me..." then go into a BS story or a real one...the one I use is "Oh my God, you'd never believe what just happened to me...I got flipped off by a midget on my way to class."

As you can see, this will grab her interest and most likely she will ask how the hell did that happen and wont believe you. Then you go into a BS story about how you were leaving 7-11 and acidently bumped into this midget cause you didn't see him and felt so sorry that you apoligized profusely. But then all the sudden the guy grabs his crotch, gives you the bird, and calls you a pine cone (or whatever, but never the usual vulgar insults - make it different and odd). Chances are the next time you sit next to her in class she will ask you if anyone flipped you off today or if you ever saw the midget again. If she's a super cool chick, she may even adopt that nickname (Pine cone or whatever) for you later down the road. The story takes a bit of acting skills and tell the story smiling and like you're about to laugh when remembering the details.

Talk clearly. It anoys women when they can't hear you, and don't talk too fast...once again talking too fast conveys nervous energy.

Smile at yourself whenever you look in the mirror. It feels good when someone else smiles at you so it should be no different when you smile at yourself. It builds confidence and trains you to smile.

Thanks guys, especially Thanos. You've given me so many good tips. I definitely need to put them into effect. I'm glad you could share the benefits of your experiences with me. Hopefully they work as well for me as they did for you. Any other responses would be appreciated as well.

Dude the main problem you have is that you lack self esteem! Lets look at social conditioning... for those of you dont know what it is.... social conditioning is the way the media and society make us think... for example many people believe they need to have designer clothes or money etc to get hot women... Its all bullshit! You only think your unnattractive, not interesting etc because of social conditioning! So just say to yourself FUCK IT, i am good looking and people should be happy to talk to me. Before you work on any game you need to have your inner game fixed up! Dont get stuck in the socialy coditioned mind frame that has been created. When you have a good attitude other people sense it.

hey man yea its a hard thing to get over but you can do it man...i didnt think it was possible but it is...woman want to be aproached..if you do it they will talk back but just remember man be different from the other guys...ive learned that if you have a quick funny come back to something smart ass like from a hb she will b impressed...so learn to be quick with the come backs...you can do it man....practice practice it takes time..rome wasnt built in a day ya know lol...good luck man!!!

All I want to add to the already stellar advice is "people are not mean instantly"

The social conditioning talked about earlier is so true. I dont even drive a car. I own a jeep wrangler, but dont drive, for none DUI reasons we wont get into. I probably own nothing clothes wise over say 80 dollars and that becasue I love addidas shoes. I have some bought, on drastic sale, Steve maddens. I am in no way a ABERZOMBIE. Just fucking talk to people about anything. Start this stuff in DAY GAME mode since more things are going on around you, and you dont really feel the party life is your tea right now. As Kat Williams said, "fuck the hater let them do thier job and hate. "If youve got 20 haters now build up 20 more in the next few months".

People will talk to you. Few folks ever just tell a to piss off cause "you dont think" you look good enough.
Relax and make everything that happens to you a one minute story. Buying a pack of gum, can become a story for the next person. Just embelish it.
For no apperent reason tell the clerk you think she just did the smothest transaction youve had all day. DONT HOLD UP THE LINE, CAUSE I MAY BE BEHIND YOU. Be as random as possible. Say something about the person behind you needing out of here and she really needs to be giving 110%.
Its not a pick up and it isnt a number close, but your talking and being intresting for that breif second.. Its practice for when it may matter...

Talk to the ugliest fucking ladie you can find. Just stand by her and strike soemthing up. Ive had a fucked up ladie tell me about being hit by 2 Buses in the time it took a few people to get their stuff paid for.

Above all else never ever try to hard. In the really real world it may not even be that big of a deal.

LOOKS ARE NOTHING...


HAVE YOU SEEN LOVEDROP, OR CAJUN... Im adorable and Id trade with them..

Thanks a lot for the help guys. Btw, I've heard a lot about using ESP tests for openers. Any good ones for beginners?

ESP tests are fun, and good in A1 or A2 phase if you are following the M3 model.
I think this is a great model to start with bc it teaches the foundations of attraction and breaks each step for you.

Here is a very easy one:

PUA: Do you believe in ESP? Blah blah blah
HB: blah blah blah
PUA: imagine the numbers one through four, and choose one now...now visualize it on a blackboard and draw out the number for me (You can say w/e you want)?
HB: yea
PUA: three
HB: omg! blah blah blah
PUA: Okay, lets try this again, imagine the numbers one through ten, and choose a number now...envision it in your head(again, you can use the blackboard or anything else that works for you)
HB: okay, i got it
PUA: 7
HB: OMG!!!

Most girls choose 3 and 7, but in order to have better results you can do it the way mystery does it.

When he tells the girl to envision the numbers one thru four, he uses his hands to gesture. (left hand 1, right hand 4) then he snaps his fingers 3 quarters of the way thru where the 3 would be. He does the same for 1 thru 10, and snaps his fingers about 7 tenths of the way through.

This has worked well for me. If you want a more detailed script or routine, i'm sure this routine is on here somewhere. If not you should prolly be able to google it, good luck