Keeping momentum, drawing ire, and is it really that hard?



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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 3:45 am 
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This is the first thread I've begun here. I bunched a few short topics together and would be interested in the responses:

1.) For the most part, I'm outgoing, enthusiastic (but not overly so), and I'm willing to have a conversation. I ride on momentum...if things are going well, I'm pretty smooth. If things begin doing downhill, then even if I'm doing things right, I'm not getting any results. As you can see, my problem is, after a fun and engaging conversation with a girl, I'm unable to jumpstart it. At parties, I number-close. In classes, I'll either see her the next time or I'll number-close anyway. Regardless, the next time I talk to said girl, it's all gone. I'll act the same way I did the previous time, but she couldn't care less. Last weekend, I got a girl's number at a party. I texted her a few days later just to say hey what's up...nothing. So my question is, how do I sustain the momentum with girls?

2.) My second topic here...I seem to be the target for when girls get mad at things. This has notably happened a few times...in high school, a friend of mine called a girl and basically tried to piss her off...and I got all the wrath for it (even though I wasn't involved)! Another time this past summer, a group of us were being a little loud at a party when a girl I knew well was trying to sleep (we were intoxicated). We all felt a little bad about it, but the girl told my friends she hopes to hang out with them again and continues talking with them. Meanwhile, she EXPLODES on me, even though I'm the link between her and my friends (plus she's still holding a grudge)! This year at college, girls assume the worst in me even if they don't know me too well. An example is that girls may expect me to be a loose cannon or flake on them; I get at-most frustrated and I keep that in check, while I never ever miss an appointment. So my question is: How did I become girls' whipping boy? One possible answer is that I've always been blunt; I don't start games and I don't beat around the bush; I tell it as it is. If I have a point to make, I will let it be known. Also, I have a backbone and no one will be taking advantage of me like they used to; if they try, I'll let them know about it, even if I am a little stern (it doesn't get tolerated).

3.) Finally, I've been debating on this one...is getting one (1) date with a girl really that tough? I work out consistently and feel I'm pretty decent-looking, do some good extra-cirriculars, I'm engaging and friendly towards people (only get mad if someone disrespects me), I have a sense of humor, my body language portrays confidence, and I speak well. On the "con" side, I sometimes go at 100mph, I'm not the quickest person with kino (although I do use some), and I oddly slip a little sports analogy into conversation somewhat often. The point is, I feel I'm a better "catch" than a lot of the guys out there, but no girl will spend even 45 minutes with me at a coffee shop or w/e, and I've definitely made some attempts. Even getting a girl just to hang out with me in general proves unsuccessful! I guess you could say I'm frustrated, but something simply doesn't seem right, especially when lifeless guys or ones who don't take care of themselves at all are constantly having atleast some sort of success.

That's a bit longer than I would have liked, but I guess you can say I started out with a bang! :lol:


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:52 pm 
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Nothing? I know I made the thread a little longer than ususal, it's my first new one here, and I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 3:43 pm 
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It sounds like ur frustrated, that probably comes across in ur approaches maybe.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:03 pm 
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Quote:
It sounds like ur frustrated, that probably comes across in ur approaches maybe.
Perhaps...I can see a part of this being true. Sometimes (more at parties, not as much during "day game" like in classes), I will force things a little bit when there really isn't much there, just trying to create something.

That usually takes place during question #1 here, once a very good spark suddenly cools. Question #2 is more from my past, but that second specific example took place a few months ago, so it's not that long ago. Question #3 I just don't know the answer to. It doesn't seem getting one less-than-hour coffee date with a girl is all that difficult, but I must be doing something wrong.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:17 pm 
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Yeah, I think a lot of this is an inner game issue. Have you ever noticed how when you've wanted something in life, whether it be a job, experience, toy, or whatever, it most always comes to you after you've stopped expecting it? Relieve yourself of the pressure that you've been hammering your psyche with. Allow things to flow without expectations. If your mind is moving "100 mph" think about practicing a few minutes of stillness through out the day. No input from anything, just sitting in stillness. You'll be amazed.

Next, you seem to be doing well on the number closing thing, yet you're getting no replies. This means that you have gained only a sequence of numeric digits, and those are easy to give out. The challenge is getting her to give out more of herself, then the numbers are merely a byproduct designed to continue a CONNECTION.

Are you really listening to what the girl is saying? Are you volunteering information about yourself? This is the valuable COMFORT phase that is equally as important as attraction. I would say forget about the numbers for awhile, because they mean nothing without an actual connection. You have to hook the fish before you catch them.

Hope some of this helps.

Peace


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 1:08 am 
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the first one was a sticking point of mine for aaaages, some useful things I found are;
never take your phone out sarging (this will stop you settling for a number close and force you to make a move),
start trying to get instant dates etc

basically anything to build masses of attraction on the first night, once you are over the first date and all the related bs that comes with it then you can really just hangout

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:01 am 
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Thanks for the replies. I agree...I should FIRST focus on getting a really good connection, and THEN get the number if she seems fun/cool/etc.


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