I have a question about generally dealing with a confrontation. This isn't limited to just a pick up, it can be extended to all aspects of life. You can say this is one of my sticking points in life. Let me explain:

Usually, I avoid confrontations and arguments all together. Even if someone says something that is absurd, I avoid correcting them knowing that they might become more defensive about that point. If I have to change someone's mindset about something, I try my best to do it in a respectful way while considering their point of view.

However, most others don't take this same philosophy and make it a point to confront me disrespectfully and without considering my point, nor do I expect them to consider my points; to each his own. My problem is when this does occur, my "flight or fight" reaction seems to kick in, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to control it. I start shaking and my voice becomes jittery. I try to remain logical and calm but the other person becomes completely emotional, which throws off my emotions.

Does anyone have any advice or solution to how I can overcome my confrontation problem. I understand avoiding confrontations and arguments as much as possible, I honestly do, but in those occasions that it does occur, I would like to be prepared.

Would you still get the same reaction (the shaking etc.) if the person confronting you was 4"10 with a high voice and skinnier than an anorexic model?

If you wouldn't and would just AMOG him out, or laugh calmly and take it in your stride, maybe you are just worried about eliciting a violent response?
If this is the case, get down to a martial arts studio and the gym to get your self-defence confidence up.

Otherwise (or as well), you seem to have a contradictory statement in your last paragraph:
How can you be prepared for something if you never practise it?
If you are at school / college / uni, try joining a debating a society, so if the time comes, you are more prepared and are used to morons trying to force their opinion on you.

Be knowledgable, and confident in what you believe in, and you will be better equipped to deal with confrontation.

Or, try the guidelines I follow -
If they are prepared to debate it like adults, debate it.
If you are wrong, admit it.
If they are shouting or not listening, tell them they are being unreasonable and leave.

Yeah man I use to be the same why you are.You don't want to make people mad or get into fights.What I found that helped me was play some sports where you get to hit people like football or in my case rugby.Also take some boxing or mauh tia classes.You will have alot more self confidence.And fire back at the poeple that are talking shit to you.Alot of the time they won't back it up.

I appreciate your advice, thank you for a quick response.

funny that you guys mention the gym and martial arts:

-I go to the gym a minimum of once a day
-practice Tae Kwon Do up to three times a week
-practice muay thai a couple days a week

about joining a debating society... I am at a university, however, my schedule is packed with organizations and school work. Plus, I have never been a good debater, maybe this is where I lack and should work on if I found the time.

And I understand where you are coming from about picture the person as a 4'10 weakling. But what if others picture me as that and have more confidence over me? I am not that big, 5'4 max. Becoming a much better fighter, yes, but I don't fight unless it is the ONLY resort.

Also, I like how you pointed out being more confident in what you believe in. I agree, I do lack in terms of confidence in my beliefs. What can I do to improve myself in this area?

Stand up for yourself man and your beliefs.If some is diching on you or what you believe in stand up for yourself and say some thing.How long have you been traning for?Also playing a Rugby has helped me a ton.It's fun and you have some high value being you play a sport.

You're absolutely right man, that's what I gotta do, I gotta quit being permissive and find some confidence in my beliefs.


been working out for 2-3 years now. Martial arts is quite recent. I am a typical ectomorph/hard gainer. And I avoid trying to get big, so my workout is based around strength and lean gains, not size.

Yeah man that's what you need to do.I have a hard time puting wieght on too.I was only 135 Ibs in highschool,then I just started eating and lifting weights alot and I'm almost 200Ibs now and I never want to go back to being that skinny guy.Just keep at it man and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

I used to have the same problem but my wing worked me out of it.

1. I started going out sober
2. Wing says "Bro, we're here to get pussy, not get in fights"

Just keep telling yourself number 2 when you're in a situation like that. Also remember acting like a meat head doesn't get you anywhere. If the girl just wanted a wannabe tough guy who likes to fight she would just go to the hood and have them fight over her.

True, if you are that pushed for time, try doing it online? http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=330 has a debate forum, you could practise there?


Really? Man, I feel for you a bit there. I'm 5"8 and I have problems with my height (although it is more about being short in comparison to my family and friends than being short in general).

You say you are at University, and so have probably finished growing, but if you are really bothered by your height, you could try Cosmetic Leg Lengthening (proven, but expensive and leaves you out of action for 6+ months) to gain 2-3 inches, or it might be worth a try going on a site dedicated to increasing height naturally, such as http://www.giantscientific.com or http://growtallforum.com . The methods used on those sites has not been scientifically proven, but there is plenty of anecdotal (and sometimes pictoral) evidence of users gaining 1-3 inches using their methods after puberty. A lot of the users at the second link are still in puberty, trying to maximize their natural growth, so they get better results.

But at our heights, every inch counts.
And nor should you. You don't seem like the kind of wanker who starts fights for fun. But it is worth bearing in mind there are people out there who do, and it is well worth being prepared for an encounter with them - especially if you feel your height may make you look like an easy target.
Just perhaps research them a bit more, learn more about them, and alternate views. The more you know about a subject, the more confident you become about your views on it.
Good idea - when you are smaller it is much easier to get carried away and get so big you end up resembling a bowling ball - without seeing a picture of you its hard to tell whether you are too big for your size, or too skinny, or whatever, but there is definitely no harm in putting on a bit of extra bulk, especially in the upper torso, so you look a bit broader. Obviously be careful not to overdo it though.