I didn't know where else to post this, so I suppose I will post here, since this is the closest.

I'll try to condense a long story here but there is this girl I used to talk to (online only, we live on opposite sides of the US, and still do) when I was 16-17, something like that. I lied about myself at the time to try to raise my value, but I was young, I went overboard, and she found out. We stopped talking like we had, said she hated me for lying, I apologized, I tried to correct it, but it seemed uncorrectable.

Well, every now and then since that point, she seems to randomly shoot off a message to see how I'm doing. I usually shoot one back, and then she wouldn't respond again.

Some more things happened, and we reached another tipping point, where she got really REALLY mad, and I thought, okay that's it we're definitely not going to be talking anymore.

It's now a year later and she shot me another message to apologize for how she acted.

Now I really dig this girl, from like, the moment I started talking to her. We are two very kindred souls, with a lot in common. I never understood exactly what was happening between us, or if she felt the same way, and looking back I still don't know. I thought maybe there might have been but I don't know if it's still there, or if it ever was for her. I mean, she keeps sending something my way every once in a while, so she clearly hasn't forgotten about me and moved on completely.

What I'd like to know is, how do I proceed with this? It really would be a dream to get this girl once and for all, as she just won't get out of my mind, and I obviously haven't left hers.

How do you proceed with someone that you can't meet in person (at least not right away)? I haven't seen this covered anywhere, and I want to know if there's anyone that could help me out with this situation. I could supply some sample messages, from both the initial phase of us talking, and the most recent messages if it helps at all. I didn't know about posting them here, because this would be much too long of a post, and this might be searchable, and accidentally get seen.

So yes, how do I proceed here? If this was in person I'd be great, but this is a unique problem that I can't quite grasp completely, and need some guidance.

let me guess, you met her online... you talk to her, you asked the "A.S.L.P" (age,sex,loc,pic) and she was... 19 F, Across the states, Pic . and it was some glamour shot pics and instantly you fell in love right? My advice before you stress over this more and try to pursue it more... meet the girl. For all you know she can be a transvisite or a dude. I do alot of Online chatting and flirting and one thing i learn is to meet-up the person before you make any "risk" decision. Trust me on that! I once had a meet up when i was about..19 with this girl. and let me tell you the pic... looked nothing like her in person... i mean how the hell you put on 150+ lbs in a matter of... 2 weeks hahaha. If you cant meet-up atleast get a webcam chat or something so you can see her "live"

Internet= 40$
WebCam= 60$
Laptop= 1000$

finding out the girl is over 300 lbs= Priceless

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"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

I whole heartedly agree with this. I just had a meet up with a girl that I had been talking to for alittle over 3, almost 4, years. We got really close over the internet. We said we loved eachother. She almost got divorced over me. That's why she came to see me, to see if there was something between us. And you know what happend...

She didn't feel any thing. I found her to be extremely pretty and I would have loved her if we could have been closer. But she just realized that I wasn't who she wanted to be with. Kind of ironic that she told me all the things I needed to be, and they were all related to pick up. When she was coming here I just thought that everything would fall in to place. She had spent the better part of 2 years telling me she was in love with me with everything in her. So I thought I just had to be me and things would just work out. Turns out I was wrong.

So yeah, back to the topic. Meet the girl. People can be very different online then they are in person. You can't get a true sense of them till you meet them.

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Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears.

Well, meeting someone half-way across the world isn't exactly an option, at this point, because I don't know where we stand.

Also, I know what you're saying about how people can be different, and pics can be faked, but of all the time we talked this couldn't have been. I used to fake certain things about myself, or pretend I was another guy, so I know how far a person is willing to go to keep their personality intact.

I met her through a songwriting/poetry site, she was a fan of my work, and I a fan of hers. We talked and we both had the same kinds of reactions, and opinions, and we just kind of acted the same way. It was so intoxicating that we would often stay online for hours, neither of us going to sleep because we didn't want to lose the connection. It's my belief because of all the experiences (over many years) I've had with her, that it's simply something that couldn't be a lie, you can't fake something that was as powerful to me (and her I believe) as that was. She's not using fake pics because if the roles were switched, I would have found pictures of someone much better looking to really sell it, I mean, this kind of girl is not everyone's cup of tea. Kind of like, Amy Lee, or something, some guys are just not into goth girls, or preppy girls, or what have you, her look, I happen to be very into. So the chances of her knowing that I liked that ahead of time would have been impossible, it's so uncommon that no one would have thought to go there.

You know? Yes, a majority of guys would walk right past her, not because she's ugly, but because there are better looking girls for them, but when you combine her personality quirks with her looks, she hits the right spot for me because I don't just based on just looks or just personality, but for both. Looks-wise no, she's not a 9 or a 10, that's okay, I can get a 9 or 10 (relative to myself), but the problem is their personalities very rarely click long-term with me so to me, that adds in a whole 'nother 1-10 scale, and they score lower on that scale which brings them down overall. So, no she's not a 10 in looks, she's maybe a 7, but personality-wise, so far has been a 9 or 10, and that adds up to a very strong score. But that's my own system, so see that how you will.

I mean, I understand, in person we might not click the same way, and that's a possibility, but at the moment I need to get to that point first where I can meet her. I've mentioned before, years ago, I'd be willing to fly out, but got no response to that.

So I guess, more of my dilemma is how do I get out there (or get her to come here) to meet her, so I can see what's what without it being strange. I've already asked before a couple of times years ago and didn't get a solid response, so I'm really not going to do that again unless I know I'm going to get some kind of positive response there. So, as far as I can tell, I need her to want to agree to it, or bring it up herself first, so we can get together and go from there.

I'm just asking how do I get to that waypoint now? How do I get her to say that we need to meet, or get her to think that so she will respond if I ask again? What should I be doing in this regard?

I like her a lot, but I'm not flying across the US and track her down just to say hello, like some sort of stalker.

Let me know if anything I'm saying is not making sense at all, please. Sometimes I lose people with what I'm saying at times.

ok am i like still in the dark ages here or is a phone call not considered a smart thing to do anymore? that way you get to see what she sounds like and you can tell her to take a cell phone pic. its like you have been basically texting this girl 4ever so she has time to say what she wants you to hear. try the phone call, then see if you still love her.

if the hours are a problem.... call her when like after 9 or something when its free for you. if she wont talk on the phone.. there are plenty of other fish in the sea. y catch one and go back to shore?

good luck

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Who is the 5th of the Final Five?

The pic is not important, as I've said, there's no reason for me to believe she's being dishonest with who she is and what she looks like. If I had only seen several pictures, that might be a concern for me, but I've seen dozens, with family, with her sisters baby, I saw a clip of her here and there, she did a video on YouTube for a contest, and all these things form together to prove to me there is no doubt in my mind anymore that she's not who she's proven herself to be. So if we could all just get past that, as it's a non-issue for me.
Not in instant messaging, there was no time to form something together that would be the perfect thing to say, it was always off the cuff. Theres an indicator that showed when the other was typing and, our interactions were always bam, bam, bam, if I didn't respond in 10 seconds she's like what's going on, and I thought the same. It was so rapid-fire, it couldn't have been improvised, so that's also a non-issue.
I talked to her before in the earliest stages on the phone as well, and the chemistry was still there, so that's a non-issue too. Thing was neither of us liked talking on the phone, because, for one it was long distance, two, when was a good time for both of us and the lines were free, and three, phones just weren't things we liked. I'm not good on the phone with anyone, and never was, and she was on that same wavelength, then like I said, it was long distance and we didn't have no jobs, so IM'ing was, and still is a much better solution for now.

I know what you're saying about you having no reason not to trust her about her picture. I was the same way with my girl. People would always tell me to be careful, and stuff. And I would always just blow it off with "If she were really trying to hurt me there's no way she could keep up a story going for this long. I would start to see holes. And usually predators want it pretty quickly."

I see a lot of what you're saying is exactly what I said about her. You're trying to make everything sound great. And I'm sure it is. But you have to be careful. I suppose I'm a little biased now, because I was hurt really badly with this girl. But I don't want to see someone hurt in the same way. Its very hard to simulate a human interaction over the internet. You can only see certain sides of people. I know when I first started talking to the girl, I was very VERY different online, then who I was in person. That changed after awhile, but it still didn't matter because I still wasn't someone she wanted.

I think someone mentioned already, why don't you both get a webcam? That's better then a phone because you can actually see someone. And I'm pretty sure you can find a pretty cheap one.

All in all, I do hope this works out for you.

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Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears.

Okay, you're missing the point, so I'll just go elsewhere.