Is possible for someone to just simply not have the brain of a PUA? I feel like my mind just works differently than most of you guys. All my life my mind has worked in a "silent until I have something important to say" kind of way, and just the idea of me being a PUA just seems so... not me. And I doubt this is a confidence issue, because around friends and family, I don't usually have much to say. I usually only function well when it's just me and someone else, otherwise I'm in the background with nothing really to say. I'm an only child who's always been somewhat of a loner, I've never gone out of my way to interact with people, but at 17 now, I realize that has to change. But picturing myself using some of these openers just feels so unnatural. I feel like most people here may have been "shy" around strangers and girls, and this stuff helped open them up, but I really doubt any of you understand where I'm coming from. I've been reading up on PUA for maybe a year, and it's really helped me form a very clear and accurate understanding of not only on girls, but people in general.

So I have two questions: Is there anyone here who can relate to my story, and if so, what's your advice? And do you think it's possible for someone to just naturally not be a people person?

^ that junk up there i didnt read...i read the title of the post and simply have this to say.

You can if you NEED to, wanting is not enough...and the first step begins with the belief that you ARE capable.

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-Ka-
"Be the same, only better."

You are who you are man, you can't change who you are if its not for you, its not for you...it doesnt make you any different some people are just different...call it a hobbie its for some people and not for others!!

Hope this helps..

Then picture a sexy bad boy twin of yourself being a PUA, and doing all the things you wish you could do in your wildest dreams.

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afc-challenge-to-the-masters-social-anx ... 10108.html

Well it's not even about PUA anymore. It's just about being natural at social interaction. If I can master that, than I feel I can master PUA. But the first part is what I'm questioning.

They say a persons personality changes every 5-8 years. If you wanna be a social guy, start opening your mouth. It will eventually become a part of you when some time passes.

It just comes down to if you WANT to change or not.

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fellow san diego sargers hit me up

It's not like I chose not to talk. I don't usually hold back from saying things, it's that I can never think of anything to say! Like I said, I can be like this even around people I'm comfortable with.

Mike, you sound just like me. I too have a problem with thinking of things to say. I bet you have at least on advantage over me, however - you don't have a speech impediment of any kind, do you? I have a stutter and it really sucks! I just try to cope with it the best I can. I try to shape my vocabulary with words that I don't stutter with as much.

Anyway, as far as advice about becoming more sociable and talkative, try to get yourself involved in hobbies and activities. I believe a person who experiences a lot of things will naturally have a decent amount of things to say. I could be wrong, but it seems to have helped me a little bit.

Personally, I think it's sort of an innate thing to be outgoing or not. If a PUA has to be extremely outgoing, then maybe it's just not for guys like you and me. If you really want it, good luck and just do your best.

No, I don't have a stuttering problem, although sometimes I speak softly and sort of monotone. If you didn't have this problem, do you think you'd still have problems? I could go on list my good and bad qualities, but I wanna focus on my inability to feel socially adequate. I don't think most people here understand this: I don't hold in my thoughts. I just never have much to say, even with people I'm comfortable with.

Do I want this or do I need this? I can live my life without being a PUA. It would be nice to be, but I don't have to be. But I definitely want to be able to improve my ability to think of things to say, and to feel like I can carry on an interesting conversation with anyone, guys and girls, since that would improve my life. And of course, this is the best place to come to for that.

Well really being an extrovert isn't required to be outgoing (and thus be a PUA), being introverted is generally classified as being introspective and having long bouts of social interaction draining you. I know I'm still pretty introverted (took a miers briggs and got 50-50 on the long one, low 50s introverted high 40s extroverted on the short one a bit back) and can approach people and talk. But that may just be me becoming more extroverted :/

Either way, my case proves you can be outgoing and introverted or become more extroverted. It's just about opening your mouth, even if you don't have something imortant to say. Once you start doing it it comes naturally. Speak your mind! I know sometimes I'd be thinking about someone/something and just voice it in my head, rather than through my moth. But it really isn't that hard to speak up, and it is worth it! For homework for yourself for example, try to initiate a conversation that you would normally not start with a few people. If things start to flop just say well I gotta get going, seeya later.

As for thinking of things to say, you really don't need to. A symptom of being outgoing and extroverted, for better or for worse, is that your mouth often moves ahead of your mind. Open it and chances are it will work for you.

Try some of the confidence boosting activities I've seen around here, as a lot of times the whole shy thing (not the introverted thing) is that you're not confident that you can be outgoing without looking like an idiot.

Being social and outgoing really isn't as much of a personality trait as a skill I think.

Do you think you need to talk to other people, in order to have a beeter live?

I think there are two kinds of people, the ones that nned to be with anyone just to not be alone. The other kind is the people that thinks that being with other people is to deal with others flaws and annoying behaiviors.

I know those arte two extremes...but people usually fit in one of those groups.

You dont have to worry if you dont enjoy talking to others....its just your nature. The issue here is that if you want to be a PUA you got to talk.

I dont understant you problem cause I dont know how succesful sre you picking up girls. So:

You cant get in a talkative mood? or You dont need to talk...but you do it anyway?

If you feel unadequate talking, but still do it succesfully...dont worry, cause the goal here is to get a girl...if you dont enjoy talking to her, lets hope you at least enjoy sex LOL

OF COURSE!!! I don't enjoy not having anything to say when family comes over, or when I'm sitting with other kids my age, and of course, with girls. But before I worry about PUA, I want to worry about feeling natural while forming connections with anyone. I can BS my way through small talk, but I can't get beyond that without knowing someone for a really long time.

Well thats just the way life is pal, You cant talk about the good stuff until you really know the person.

I used to be really introverted as a kid, cause I was really deep and wanted to talk about really interesting stuff, not just the usual crap kids talk about (toys, cartoons, whatever)

But now I realized that people talks to each other mostly to get accepted, not to actually comunicate something.

So just have fun, small talk is the way people comunicates most of the time...too connect with someone, well that requires effort and/or time.

Up until here I'd say we're alike.

To answer your question...yes. It is possible to not be a people person. I'm one of them...I don't like any part of interacting with people I don't know. I don't like talking to random strangers (why are they worth talking to again?), I don't like flirting (annoying), and I don't like the typical inane smalltalk.

As with you, it's not that I'm shy, but that I don't have anything to say, most of the time...When I do have something to say I don't hesitate to say it. Then again, that doesn't really happen with random people. Most of them are not interesting enough to say anything worth responding to.

Oh, and before you say "You're just not good enough to get it" or "everyone has something interesting" or some shit like that...
Well, no. Everyone doesn't have something interesting. I couldn't give a rat's ass about their life. I don't care what they've done, what they're good at, what they're interested in, or where they've been. So that leaves us with interesting ideas. Most people are too stupid to have any interesting ideas, or they have some but then can't figure out how to have a discussion about them.

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And I lift my glass to the awful truth
Which you can't reveal to the years of youth
Except to say it isn't worth a dime

I gotta say I don't like you.