Hey guys,
I’ve been busy with this girl for a while and last week we decided to go shopping (her idea). I said ok and we planned it for Monday. Now Sunday night she writes me that there’s a problem. Her father has his birthday on Monday… And I asked how long she knew that her father’s birthday is on Monday and she said that she forgot it and we could do this anyway on Monday. But she didn’t know whether it would be worth it because I have school until the afternoon. (Maybe this was good because she was willing to do it anyway… or she bluffed). I said I dislike people who cost me time but in that case I understand it. I later teased her by saying she really is one person who easily forgets which she quite defensively answered by saying: “ooh boy, yeah… I know please no allegations. I’m saying we can meet anyway.” She was clearly pissed.

During the same chat I ask what about Tuesday and she said Tuesday would work. I say that she should text me when she’s back from dinner with her father on Monday to set the time we meet on Tuesday (she answered that she might even be online in the afternoon).

After that we chatted for an hour or so and had fun. I made jokes and teased her a bit and she really gave great IOIs like doing hardcore smilying and answering very positively.
Now to Monday evening… she wasn’t online. And today was Tuesday I waited for her to go online or ring me or whatever but she didn’t. I wrote an sms that we should meet at 5 o clock and she should call me when she reads this. She didn’t. I then (maybe AFC) called her at her home. Her mum answered and she said that she was in the city with her sister to pick something up. (I wanted to reason the call at home to me wondering whether she was worth my time or not anyway).

Then her sms message arrived which said:
“Pulsebeat I can’t make it today. Sorry (original English word), I just read your sms. I slept. But have to learn so much and do homework.”

Now what's interesting... she slept. Maybe her mum didn't know she was just sleeping but hey. I at least expect her to say the truth and it's very likely that she lied to me (even though it's because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings... this is not a great behaviour and things might get interested when she's online today...).

Not even a signature or bye or whatever. So I decided to reframe and set rules for what I tolerate and what not:
“I just wanted to make sure whether you’d be worth the time. I assumed that you flaked the whole thing. Although I don’t know what is up with you lately I don’t like how things develop. I really like you but all this is a bit too time-consuming for me. Do me a favour and talk to me again when you’ve deleted this behaviour out of your system.”


Now I don’t know whether this was too harsh or anything. I think she might be testing me whether I’m worth it and wants me to make the first step. She really was interested in me when we chatted or at one party. But this all doesn’t really make sense to me.
I appreciate any help.

Pulsebeat

Hey Pulsebeat
I can't say that I know your whole story with her and the level of comfort and rapport you two established. But I can say one thing for certain. I believe that text will scare her away. I wouldn't be suprised if she doesnt even respond to it. For one, you are attacking her, so she is going to go into defense mode. She will think "who does this guy think he is." No one will blame themselves when someone is attacting them and say "aww man yeah I have been horrible. That was so bad of me." It is our natural instinct to find faults in others rather than ourselves.

Secondly, it comes off kinda needy. You already played your hand and told her you liked her. So she has nothing left to fight for (girls want a challenge too)...it is her decision now whether or not she likes you and her decision will determine if things will progress or just stop. If she is not into you like that, then she will prob cut ties because she wont want things to be awkward.

In general, if a girl flakes on you twice (and even possibly lies to you about her plans) then you need to move on. Sometimes there are legit reasons in which exceptions can be made, but even in those cases, proceed with caution and dont give her too much attention. When you give her more attention (even if you convey that you are mad at them)when she flakes, it rewards the behavior and increasing the change that it will occur again (positive reinforcement). Instead, if a girl flakes you need to freeze her out (Negative punishment)...that means you remove a stimulus (your attention) in the attempt to decrease the frequency of her behavior (flaking).

Hope this helps and I hope it all works out. Keep sarging...there are plenty of other girls out there