I'm Posting here cuz I need 30 posts to post anywhere else...

Hey guys, I need some help here because I can feel myself slipping into that AFC type with my GF and I don't want her to slip away nor to become "the one".

Anyway long story short, she's been given a really shitty deal lately, between family issues, changes at work (and bitchy middle-aged women that think they're her boss at work because they're older basically just stepping on her toes over and over to the point that it’s become almost malicious), to financial issues (she moved in with her mother from another city as her mother became ill to help with rent etc. and help her out) to now a potential health issue with herself (she's had several dr. appointments and hopefully the next one with a specialist can actually tell her if it’s something serious or not because it’s been said that it could be anything from a simple iron deficiency to a neurological disorder like MS). So that’s a ton of stress.

I've found myself doting on her more since this because I do really care for her, in fact she's the best person I've ever met (plus she's a solid 9+) but I feel now that I may have gone too far and actually might have been pushing her away rather than bringing her closer by being too sensitive and caring.

I'm not sure how to handle it, we've been dating for almost a year and now I feel like we're back to the two or three month stage and don't know what to do. Do I let her make some of the calls on what we do (and if I can make it great, if I have other things then say next time - my dilemma is that if I do that she might think that I'm not there for her when she "needs" me) or do I still plan things invite her along and keep doing things for her/with her most of the time (which I'm thinking might push her to thinking that we should be the "just friends"). I don't really know how to handle it, we've talked and she mentioned today that she feels that she isn't available enough for me and that we need to make things more casual because it’s not fair to me if she can't give me the attention I deserve because she's trying to deal with her own issues and she feels like she doesn't even have the time or energy to do that.

My real dilemma is how do I save this, if it were any other girl that I've known I'd say ok cool, and see how things go but keep looking and trying to pick up elsewhere too, but this girl is different, its beyond anything I've ever felt for anyone else (and I know that totally is total 110% Wuss talking right now) but doesn't there come a time when you find one that you're serious enough about that you don't just want to nail and hang out with once in a while at the bar? Someone you want to move on with?

If anyone has any advice or suggestions I really could use it because for once I'm at a complete and total loss, usually I have an idea of how to handle things (they may or may not be right) but at least I have an idea, this time I don't at all... just searching. If you do have any advice or suggestions, do you have any examples that you could share or "what ifs" I tend to grasp things better that way plus just to make sure I'm not taking it a different way.

Thanks boys!

well, im not too great at this but i had a really similar relationship.. with the same dilemma(still not knowing what i should have done or if i did the right thing, we broke up cause she moved across the country)

but anyways, if you really think she is the one, then you should just be yourself and you wont have these hard decisions to make because your natural actions would be compatible with hers if you know what i mean?

if it ends up pushing her away, then so be it, maybe you will get back together after shes done dealing with all her issues

i guess another good option would be obliging with the just friends thing while she gets everything fixed up but let her know you're there for her

like this you can play on the side and still have her once all her bs is dealt with

hope it helped

Thanks KBan, anyone else have any insight? There's always such a wealth of knowledge in here andI know this one isn't as exciting as some of the other questions but if you have any tips please do post them.

Heya bro,

Not sure if this is too late or not,

however I just added a completely free ebook to my website on Multiple long term relationships and how to avoid getting into a relationship.

It's free on the blog.

Check it out.

AFC Adam,

If it was me I'd concentrate less on being sensitive and caring and more on actually being helpful. NLP is awesome for handling these kind of issues, leverage some of your tech to help her out. When she gets through this the problem goes away.

I haven't been in this situation since I learned any tech though so YMMV.

Thanks for the help guys, Adam its been a while since I was on the site and I can't seem to find the ebook you posted on the blog, I see a few links and then search for it but come up with nothing, I know I'm doing something wrong or its staring me right in the face.

Any other suggestions of reading material that I might have forgotten about or should revisit?



Thnx again!