theres alot in here about what to say to girls etc, but once you get the f close how do you turn that into making her your girlfriend, when she has said she doesnt want anything long term with you.

I was interested to see what kind of response you would get from this. I guess posting everything twice doesn't always help!

But okay, here we go.

Why? Why do you want a LTR with somebody who has told you they don't?

And going back further - what exactly is it that you want? And why with this girl? I am bad at seperating intimacy with emotion - it doesn't mean that I'm compatible with everybody I K/F-close, even if for the next 1/2/7/365 days I think that I am. Is this you? What makes her so special?

In order to assume that you feel she IS this special, I am going to assume that you have slept with her. This should be done whether you're looking for a casual relationship or something deeper, and it should be done ASAP - get it out of the way and make things simpler. You can then better judge where you stand and what you want.

Okay, having covered that, let's move on.

It's safe to say there is one of three reasons she has told you this:

- This is a shit test of sorts. The girl wants to see how hard you'll try to make this happen.
- She actually wants this - she is a party girl/has just got out of a LTR/maneater/whatever. She's made a concious decision that a LTR is not what she wants.
- She doesn't like you. You didn't satisfy her in bed, or she doesn't feel there is enough of a spark with you for one reason or another.

Now, in all honesty neither of the first two really matter. It's unlikely that unless she's in a committed LTR (obviously not, given above info), that she is closed off to the idea of a relationship - even if her logical mind tells her that she is. So whether she is offering token resistence or feels strongly on the matter, you are essentially going to do the same thing.

1) Do not lose face - do not become needy. Do not change for her unless you agree that something needs to change for you.
2) Remain the fun, confident guy that she liked enough to sleep with.
3) Lead
4) Make her work. Don't be at her beckon call. When you're with her, give her your all. When you are apart, get on with your life.

Now all of these things combined are telling her (and feel free to verbalise this): "Hey, maybe you don't want long term. I don't care. I'm fun, confident and I will go on just fine - but I enjoy your company and I feel that there is no reason to shut off the chance to see whether we are good together"

we did sleep together, but I must admit the sex wasn't mind blowing as we were both drunk and tired, but she didn't lose interest after that...

And I have been doing that, I told her she was fun to hang out with, but we should still just be friends.

Last thing , what you mean by 3)lead?
Im guessing lead is take the lead, but how can I do that? Example plz?