Ok, so i'm laying in bed with an HB8 the other night and i decide to make a joke about bed bugs. it generally went like this.
Me: so yeah i gotta warn you, i have a terrible bed bug infestation, they usually come up around 3 o'clock. (the time was a quarter til 3)
Her: oh really.
Me: yeah their about this big(put my hand on her arm) and when they crawl on you it feels like little fingers running(i start running my fingers up and down her arm) and they like to bite but it doesn't hurt, you just feel a little pressure like this(i bite her softly on the neck)

This worked wonderfully for me but i feel it could use some improvements due to the fact that i made it up on the spot. Any advice would be appreciated.