Hi,
I'm just getting started on all the guides and things on seduction and picking up girls, and although I don't intend to actually use it for sarging, it is helping me a lot getting over some of my personal quirks. However, that currently isn't my real reason for posting this, so I'll leave that for a nice introductory post which I will compose later.
Just on a side note, I realise that this will probably be a long post, but that's just because I'm having a hard time figuring her out, and I'm trying to give an objective view, not leaving out important parts. I do hope it's not too long for you guys to read and give your opinion.
I've got several girls that I'm currently interested in, and one in particular is just a great girl, and I'd love to get closer to her in a romantic/sexual sense. The only problem is that I'm currently way too close as a friend :-/. I'll refer to the girl in question as M. We've been friends for at least a year now, and although we hadn't really seen eachother a lot during that year. When we met we were both already in a relationship, so we never really got past just having a great time together. Now a few months ago I got dumped, and when I met her again she noted that she too got dumped by her bf. After a bit of smalltalk and messing about (she's really into touching, messing up my hair, poking me, etc), we decided that we should meet up again.
On a side-note, we are both members of the same student society (it's a dutch thing, it's basically a bar ran by members with a lot of regulars
).
I txted her a few days later if she wanted to get together some time and go to a movie. To me it was quite clearly a date, but apparently (from what I know now), it wasn't really for her. We had a great time, I paid for the cinema, she insisted on paying for the drinks. I noticed she was incredibly uncertain around me (apologizing for every little thing that didn't go according to plan, like accidentally dropping something, with me telling her that it was OK and there was no need to apologize), and I took that (and the touching) for a sign that she did have some interested in me.
Later on we got together several more times, however at her request we just watched movies at my place because she was rather broke and felt bad not paying for the cinema. She was however incredibly busy, and it was rather difficult actually getting a time we were both available, but she always came back to me about it. As I got a bit uncertain I'd asked/txted her a few times if she did still intend to meet up again, and she's always txted back almost instantly confirming that she did.
At those dates we just had a great time, but as I was rather cautious (still not quite over my last relationship, and didn't want to ruin the friendship) nothing really happened. She did tickle me at almost every occasion she got, and she still enjoyed messing up my hair. I interpreted most of this as signs that she did in fact like me or at least was interested enough in me to want to touch me. She also got much more comfortable around me, she would try tickle fights at my place, and when watching a movie she was completely comfortable with sitting real close together, and she even took a blanket I have lying around in my room and draped that over our legs :/
Now her house-mate is also a friend of me, albeit a lot less close, and after she finally realised that I really liked M, she shared with me that she did in fact think about that, but when she asked M she'd told her that she "was absolutely sure that I didn't like her". Naturally I figured that I'd been doing some things wrong, and I intended to try better at impressing her and giving her clearer signs.
However, the next two days I had virtually no occasion at all to talk to her, as she was constantly hanging around with another guy. As I got a bit frustrated with this situation (I'm mostly OK with approaching her, but I hate to intrude when she's clearly busy with something else), I decided the best thing to do would be to arrange some private talking and just bluntly tell her. So I txted her that I really needed to speak to her, and at the end of the day she came to me and told me that if I did still want to speak to her, now was the time. We went outside, I told her that I liked her more than just a friend, and that the fact that she was hanging around with that other guy kinda was rather confusing to me. I can't recall the entire conversation (I was doing most of it on the adrenaline-auto-pilot), but some things I remembered are:
- She has never thought of me as a boyfriend, just as a good friend
- She has no interest at all in that other guy.
- She feels I should find someone else that actually "is a nice girl, and isn't so damn busy and contact-deprived as she is"
- She hopes she can still come and cook together once in a while and watch movies.
- She feels that friends are there to stick, and is afraid that relations will destroy things.
- She values me a lot as a friend, and she considers me her best friend among our student-society, and would hate to lose me.
I told her that I thought that she was a genuinely nice girl and I didn't mind the fact that she was busy or other things at all, and as she was clearly afraid I assured her that we would still be seeing eachother.
Later at home I figured I was way into LJBF-land, and I probably didn't really stand a chance, And as I would probably keep hoping for something more, I decided that it was best to just cut her off or at least spend a lot less time with her.
Next time I saw her I didn't really have time for her as I was bar-tending, but I did notice that where she usually doesn't hang at the bar and leaves at around 12-ish, she now stayed at the bar for the entire evening, and didn't leave until 3AM. She did talk with another guy, but I am pretty convinced that she isn't all that much into him, and probably used him to not sit there alone. The guy did however seem genuinely interested, and left at around the same time that she did, but was back pretty quickly, so I doubt that anything worth mentioning happened
From my side I kept it purely business, and apart from the usual "Can I have xxx" - "Yeah, sure", the only time I talked to her was when she was making some silly picture of a friend of mine, and I tapped her on the shoulder asking her if she could send me that picture too
As my bar-tending didn't end till about 8AM, and I was completely exhausted, semi-drunk, and having fun with a friend, I sent her another text message jokingly saying that we were still up and having fun, while she probably had to leave for school. I probably shouldn't have done so.
The next day I sat at the bar with another female friend drinking tea (both wasted) talking. Then suddenly M came in, and came to bluntly sit inbetween us. Still in the cut-off state I just ignored her mostly, not talking unless she really asked me something, and later just turned the other way to play a game of go with another good friend of me. She moved about the bar a bit, came back to that specific seat next to me a few times, and then had to do other things (she was organising some kind of party). Later that night I ended up helping my friend who was bar-tending, and I noticed again that M stayed quite late, and that other guy was hanging around her again, but this time it was clearer that he was hanging around her, and not the other way round.
Now I haven't spoken to her since that day (yesterday), and I'm a bit in the dark on what to do. We'll both be attending the same festival next weekend (Pinkpop, anyone else going?), and she'd told me (before the blunt telling) that she would keep some time free to meet up again next week, and we kinda re-assured that when we talked, but we haven't really decided when exactly. I'll probably also bump into her sooner or later at the student society, as we're both really regular visitors and both very active. There's a very high chance that I'll see her tomorrow at the bi-monthly cleaning of our bar.
From what I read the best thing to do is at the very least also start pursuing other women (which I am trying
), and if I want a chance at this the best way is to not see her for quite some time, and then try from sort-of-scratch.
What are your views on this?
And specifically on how to act when I do see her. Should I ignore her like I do now, should I give her some attention but give her clear signals that she's not my top-priority as "just friends" ?
And what about the seeing her next week? she does usually cuddle and tickle a lot when we're together at my place, so I could just "ignore" the talk we had, and up the kino.
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I've given her a bit of a signal that I'm rather pissed off, and she might be afraid to still take me up on this. Would it be good to send her a text some day giving her one or two days that I'm free?
Thank you for reading all this, and thank you in advance for any advice you might have.
CHAT