im a newbie and calibrating my mentality so would appreciate your perspective on this.

have known this girl in my class for a year, sweet and sexy, but married with a child. she got divorced recently and we went out on a date. the vibe was great, sexual and fun, but i couldnt pull that night due to logistics

the next day i went to her place, escalated but then her baby woke up and that ended the night. she was very warm and open still, sexual texts the next day, clearly still interested.

two days later i went back to her place but an assignment that she was supposed to finish before i got there 'just needed more work'. after a while i told her i had made other plans and left. two days after that we made plans again but she was pushing to go for a group thing with other classmates

i stood my ground, told her we had plans to spend time alone and i didnt want to change plans. she said she wanted to go for the group thing. it was clear that she was avoiding putting herself in a position to let me escalate again.

either she had lost interest but was stringing me along for the attention/got caught up in emotions (about me/divorce etc) and is confused/was shit testing me. it felt like 'giving her more time' or putting up with more delays would just encourage more resistance and avoidance in the future and would just generally be an AFC move. so i decided to force her hand. i told her that i found her really sexy and wanted us to hook up and that if she wanted the same she would find a way to make it happen. but that it had to happen that night because i wasnt willing to wait anymore

i assume some people would say that giving an ultimatum for sex is a bad move and pretty much guarentees that she will disappear, which is what happened. but even if she was still interested, and that there was a chance that if i was patient it could still work out, it was a remote chance at best. my logic was that things were going south anyway, and there was nothing to lose. so if it was going to end, it would end on my terms, not hers.

just wanted your opinion on the sex ultimatum and what i could have done differntly at that point.

This was silly. You can walk away from a girl that is wasting your time and if they do like you they will try to get you back and will be more open to what you want. I hardly advise this as a tactic because it isn't abundance and most guys do it hoping to get the girl back. Ultimatums should always be something that you avoid doing. It's desperate.

As for this being an abundance move...it's the exact opposite.

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i see your point. now that i reflect on it, that sounds like what i was doing at the time.

Giving her an ultimatum to have sex is the same as the "put out or get out" line when you have a girl in your car somewhere. Needless to say, it doesn't work very well and is kind of a dick move.

You have to remember to do the opposite with women. Whatever you think you need to do to get her, do the opposite. If you need to be around her more to escalate, ignore her. If she's not answering calls, don't call more, call less.

Once you notice that she's being evasive, don't give her an ultimatum. Don't go storming out mad either. Just simply be cool and fade out of her life for the time being. Show no interest in her. She'll lose all of your attention. Once your little group project thing has past and she's had time to simmer on things, then you can come back and say "Hey, I hadn't talked to you in a while and I was thinking we should get together sometime." You're not asking her out, you're not acknowledging any weakness or neediness about her kind of rejecting you before. You come back in with a strong frame and try to start things up again. And hopefully the things that she was dealing with before won't still be impediments to you now that some time has elapsed, or she'll at least have a changed perspective on shit.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

yeah i see that now
no matter how strong the frame, but wouldnt this still be chasing?

she rejects my desire to hookup,i freeze her out, so far im with you. but then only if she reinitiates contact would i even consider giving it a chance.

if i start things up, it would look like ive been still wanting it all along. regardless how it looks, i wouldnt want to have her on my mind for that long

Don't hook up with moms

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These hos ain't loyal

No, because you are just issuing a statement and either she responds positively to it and gets some of your attention, or she doesn't, and you continue to ignore her indefinitely.

Its like walking up to a girl and saying "Hey, lets go out sometime." If she says no and you walk away, it doesn't mean you are chasing or are needy. Its very straightforward.

Just write her name on your calendar for a follow up in a month or so. You don't have to pine away for her the whole time. It's like business. If I put a customer's name down on my calendar for next June, I could give two shits about their life until the day I have to call them. Then I call and I'm like "Hey, did you still want to buy that car? No? Ok, well fuck you very much." And then I move on.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

LOL.


That's good.

You: Are your friends cute?


ARGH. Always be playful and chill.


dude, she's not your arch rival. She's just a woman being a woman. Chill out.


This is fucking TERRIBLE game.

There's a saying in the writing profession that applies to everything else in the world. It's called "show, don't tell." When you get into meta, and do a lot of telling, you're being a bad seducer. A man with a great body doesn't need to fucking talk about it. A man with a Ferrari doesn't need to talk about it. A man who wants sex doesn't need to talk about it. He just does it.

You came off in that paragraph like a child pouting because he never gets sex.


It's a terrible, creepy move that will make a girl block you on her phone.

Your logic is flawed. This is seduction, not building a house.

you ended it on "your terms" and scared away a woman wh owas sexting you. Dumb. When I mention that remaining "emotionally-centered" is so important in seduction, this is what I mean. You behaved like an emotionally-uncentered beta male.

There is a chance of recovery, depending on if you were smart and DID NOt keep contacting her after your bitch-ass ultimatum.

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Alot of guys have this unattractive mentality about sex which even if you get the initial lay, the sex for the chick isnt good and she eventually bails. Even before the ultimatum, its clear that you have this die hard "we have to hook up" mentality which is a turn off. You almost had sex and the baby woke up...but you shouldnt be acting like ok we must continue the next time. Its ok to go for that goal, but you still have to seduce her all over again. Never act like sex is just automatic with a chick, that just leads to her fucking you out of obligation. For eg, 1st time you tried at her place baby woke up, ok brush that off keep the flirtacious vibe. Dont go rushing to get back in her bed because that kills it for her. Do something else outside, flirt, escalate, take her back home and fuck. Dont let chicks (in most cases) know you're planning to fuck them...they should feel like it just happened. Yall met and had chemistry and couldnt keep yourselves from fucking. Not the vibe of "last time we got to 3rd base but the baby woke us up, next time we're going to do the exact same thing."

Perfect advice.

How are ultimatums abundance?

Please explain to me how that shows you don't care about having sex with her because you'd fuck someone else any how.

You just basically came across as a douche bag. I like to be as direct as the next guy but this isn't being direct. This is attaching emotion to outcome.

You're answer was needy and manipulative. Ever think maybe... just maybe she really just wanted to go to this group thing but not alone?

See you create this rule set to start with every girl, you can even be honest about it.

1. I am going to try and have sex with you.
2. If you're not interested you'll reject me.
3. I will not take it personal, you respect her wishes, as it's no big deal if you don't want to have sex right now.

That's how you should approach shit. This if you tell girls the rules will make things incredibly easy for you she'll know what's going on and she will be happy you keep it clean and keep it simple.

However for you to attach all this emotion to her not fucking you or hooking up as you've shown a serious amount of neediness, well that's not going to get you many girls.

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Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

got it.

that clarifies 'chasing' for me. thanks

yeah, when i think about that conversation im picturing myself as a baby throwing a hissy fit. lame
i havent. theres possible recovery from something like this??

doh! this was obvious, i knew better. think i did that once before with another girl too

i like this. though i need more work till i can truly embody the 'no big deal' part of it.

i guess that comes from being with enough girls to where i actually dont care if sex doesnt happen with any particular one