I was on a second date with a chick, and the first date went very well. We went to 3 bars on the second date, and she got upset about something but wouldn't tell me what it was. I asked her but did not harp on it. I don't beg. She wouldn't directly say it was something I did, but she implied it was. I asked for the check, took her home, and called it a night. Still I can't remember what went wrong.

How would you handle that situation? I have options so I'm definitely not stuck on this chick, but I'm curious and want to learn.

I'm wishing I had said something like, "I asked you what was wrong and you wouldn't tell me. If you want to act childish there are plenty of guys in this city who will put up with that, but I am not one of them." Maybe I shouldn't have walked her home.

Second, if I want to text this chick, what should my move be going forward? Should I text her the quoted statement above? Seems like the best move is to ignore her and move on, but like I said, we had a really good first date. So I would maybe consider giving her a second chance.

Did you two have sex?
Maybe she's upset that you haven't manned up yet and taken her home. Three bars on date two? Are you trying to seduce her, or be her pleaser good time court jester?

On the first date, if I'm attracted to a girl I ask her home within 45 minutes.

LOL. This is the response of a negative Nancy with no options.

Why in the fuck would you ever engage in negative emotions with a woman on date two? I will walk away from girls who do this to me so early, because it portends an awful relationship.

I have no idea why men engage in negative emotional talk so soon with women. It's just neediness and over-investment.

Here's what you do if she's sulking: "Hey, that bartender, the brunette with the pony tail. Hot or not?"

Change the frame, be playyful. Then: "Let's head back to my place".

"I'm hitting up Netflix tonight with a few drinks. Swing by when you get free."

And shut the fuck up about something she probably doesn't care about.

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After date 1, I walked her home and we made out outside her apartment. She was getting into it, and I said "Let's go inside." She says we shouldn't. I say,"you're right, we shouldn't." and I continue making out with her. She's getting hotter, and after a few minutes pass, I tried again and she shot me down again.

So we didn't have sex. I like where your heads at about hanging out for 45 minutes and then taking her back to my apartment, but I don't think she would have gone for that. How would I go about pulling that off? It seems like it would be kind of abrupt/awkward to end a date early to go back to my apartment.

I didn't really engage her negative emotions. I asked her once, maybe twice what was wrong, and then I dropped it and took her home.

Oh, and she unfollowed me on insta, so I feel like that's her way of saying she doesn't want to see me again. Whatever I did, clearly it is something she cares about. I don't think inviting her to netflix and drink is a viable option, but hey, I have nothing to lose, so maybe I'll throw that out there and see how it goes.

you must have an idea what you said. How did the 2nd date go down?

Next time just take her hand and lead her to the apartment entrance. If she pulls back, be a gentleman and pull back, too.

End the date early?

45 minutes is a long time to be yapping. Remember to always be congruent with your desires. If you want to have sex with the woman, then act in a way congruent with that. Leading the date to the bedroom is not abrupt, it's a natural conclusion for two people attracted to each other.

Don't even ask "what's wrong". That's a conversation for a couple in a committed relationship. Change the frame, lead.

This may have been why she got weird.
Do it. Text her the invite.

And in the process, you'll train yourself to not fear outcome. And at the very least, she may see you as the dominant male you were not during the dates.

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Interesting. So you're 45 mins into a date, it's going well, she's laughing at your sexual innuendos and jokes, etc. And then you just say "let's head back to my place." ? I feel like a likely response I would get would be "you wanna leave already? It's pretty early. Let's stay here a bit longer." What would you say to that?

Also, fwiw, both dates ended at her apartment entrance. I led her there.

Also also, I think you are on to something about it getting weird when I asked her what happened. If I did ask her twice, and the more I think about it, the more that seems likely, then perhaps that's why she got weird.

Uh, yeah. Isn't that the point? To see if you two have a spark, and then act upon that spark as a dominant male would?



I'd say if that's the response, then the man has not properly lead with teasing and innuendo. But I'll still answer your question.

My response (with a sly grin): " Well, yeah. Because we'll get thrown in jail if we try to take our clothes off here."

ALWAYS be playful. It decreases anxiety while ramping up sexual innuendo simultaneously.



Yep. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. She may have just had gas or something, and you asked her what's wrong. That's too soon, you don't know her well enough to play the boyfriend or good friend.

Edit: Also, when I hear "three bars" and a girl pulling away, I get the vibe you got too drunk, too. That's a huge turn off for women. They tell me this all the time: "The last guy I dated showed up drunk, so I friend-zoned him", etc.

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Do you think you would ever run into her in person again? If yes, you'll just have to be upfront and ask her what went wrong / if something you said offended her. Otherwise, your best bet is to text her and ask. If you really don't think you did anything wrong (for real) and she's being a weirdo about this, she's doing you a favor by staying away from you anyway.
This is some fucking priceless comedy... holy shit.

45 minutes into the (clearly) boring date (that's your fault) and it's fucky fucky time already... goddamn.. can you be any more boring and one-dimensional?

Oh.. let's pepper in some advice about how to try and coax the girl to do something she doesn't want to do.

And... let's ignore her emotions and feelings. That's what a DOMINANT male would do.. sigh. I mean shit, if she's a drama queen, dump her ass, but otherwise, maybe the dude did fuck something up?

And pepper in more crap about DOMINANT MALES!!!

The one-dimensional facade persona is killing me.

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But you are putting up with that. You just created a forum thread asking how to salvage. And yeah, probably shouldn't have walked her home.

In my opinion you should let it go. I wouldn't waste my time with passive aggressive shit and unwillingness to communicate.

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Arch, when you suggest asking her to netflix and wine, do you think it'll work? I feel like this is a low probability play. Like 5% chance she says yes. I'm not saying I won't try it, because I feel like I don't have anything to lose with her anyway, what with her being kind of crazy and me not really caring.
This could also totally be it. I actually was drunker than I thought I was. I had 4 or 5 drinks, but two of the beers were double alcohol and 2 of the drinks were strong mixed drinks from mixology places. fuck lol

why do so many threads have guys saying they can walk away, but they never do?

Yeah, who really cares. I want to be with a girl who wants to rip my clothes off. If they want that, they'll come over when you ask.

The rest aren't worth my time. It's a great way to maximize resources.


Yeah, keep an eye on that. I stay sober on dates/meet ups. Helps keep wit intact.

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Everyone, we have our answer as to why she shut down. I don't fully remember this, but she has told me that I made some joke about girls who wear chokers and that they have daddy issues (she was wearing one). That night marked the one year anniversary that her father passed away. I am an enormous asshole. She has said that what I said is irredeemable.

I had no idea her dad had died, but of course I don't blame her for getting upset. Do I deserve a second chance? Probably, since I didn't know about her dad, but tonight she told me not to contact her again, so I won't. On to the next female.
Arch, I need to start doing this. The problem is that I feel lame if I stop drinking on like the 3rd drink. Any more than that I start getting drunk. Can't have a woman out drink me ya know? How do you play that off?

You got drunk and unknowingly insulted her, lol.

You can control the drinking, but you cant control knowing a girl's history. Don't feel bad about the joke.

It sounds like she's using the joke as a reason to next you without telling you the real reason. And when a girl says 'don't contact me", it means you've been blowing up her phone.l and acting emotional. That's probably the real reason.

It's okay for a woman to drink more than you. In fact, I see getting drunk as feminine behavior.

Stick to one drink from now on. Don't game wasted, on any drug.

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