I googled "difficulty relating to others" and the first link was wikipedia page for something called avoidant personality disorder which I had never heard of.

I read the symptoms, I have 100% of the symptoms. 100%
AND one of the causes is listed as being rejected by your peers in childhood. Hello? starting in the first grade i was bullied and rejected for being a different religion by my teachers and classmates.

I think the mystery is finally solved. I have avoidant personality disorder! although i hate labels, it helps to know that i have a disorder and it's not my fault that i cant socialize. i hate labels because you can label anything as a disorder. you dont like eggs? you have egg phobia disorder. you dont like pizza? you have agophopizza disorder. where do you draw the line whether something is a "disorder"? i believe psychological disorders are bullshit to an extent.

i know it sounds weird but it's liberating to know that i have a disorder because now i know i am normal. i am not weird, i act and feel this way because there is something wrong with me. i guess it feels good to know that i have a good excuse.

edit: guys, read this:
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/avoidant.html
this page is basically me.

So are you going to consult a specialist to get over it now or what?

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i know it sounds weird but it's liberating to know that i have a disorder because now i know i am normal. i am not weird, i act and feel this way because there is something wrong with me. i guess it feels good to know that i have a good excuse. THIS is your problem. Why do you think that therapists often get therapy after learning about psychology? Because they can see themselves in it. You have to understand that anything you give WEIGHT in your mind will become belief. If you identify with anything, such as "I can't socialize", then it becomes your IDENTITY. Now you're compiling more reasons for why you can't socialize. FURTHER, you needed to be "abnormal" to feel "normal" because you've always felt that you're "abnormal". Therefore, you relate with an identity that considers itself abnormal and this discovery was relieving because it reinforces your self-concept. Imagine the opposite. You've felt normal all your life and then realized you have anti-social personality disorder, and are considered "abnormal." Would you feel relieved? NO. First you must work on your self-concept. Then you can start working on the symptoms of the self-concept that you've already built. Therapy will help but you have to let go of your identity. That's what therapy is going to aim to do. It will aim to let you believe you can let go of your current identity by a process of therapeutic techniques and self-evaluation. They are just giving you an excuse to get over who you think you are and embrace who you want to be.

How are you "normal" if you have a disorder?

Congratulations though bro.

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no, I will read online what can be done and implement the methods myself.
that sounds deep but i dont think i understand it. i am not going to waste my time with a therapist, she will just say "start a conversation with a stranger on the bus" been there done that.
Eddie, I mean I am a normal avoidant personality disorder patient.
i no longer blame myself. i no longer ask myself why does rejection hurt me so much? why am so sensitive? why do i consider myself an embarrassment? why am i always so afraid something humiliating is about to happen? it's normal to feel this way because i have this disorder.

also, knowing that i have this disorder helps me identify and deal with the symptoms. for example, one characteristic of people with this disorder is they avoid anything that could embarrass them, and they dont talk to anyone unless they are 100% percent sure there is no chance of rejection. so today i was washing my window and i dropped something in my downstairs neighbors balcony. normally, i would not go get it back. today i caught myself going through all those thoughts and remembered this disorder is making me irrational. so I immediately went downstairs and got my shit back.

another characteristic of people with this disorder is they keep playing conversations they had with other people and criticizing themselves over it. conversations that the other person has probably long forgotten. in the past, i thought it's normal to play these conversations in my head - i thought that's what everybody does. knowing that it's the disorder causing me to do this, i caught myself playing a conversation in my head and stopped it.

knowing i have this disorder helps me see that my beliefs are not real. like "oh you mean that person doesn't hate me? you mean it's just the disorder that causing me to believe she hates me but in reality she doesn't? cool" before finding out about the disorder, i thought she hated me, period, i never questioned it.

You should consider group therapy; check out if there's any hot chicks there. Get a whole Marla a la Fight Club thing going on maybe? Great sex even if the conversation may be lacking given that you'll both be utterly disinterested in each other's lives. But that's what you're both there to work on, so it could work.

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That's great bart.

I think accepting yourself as you are is the first step.

Hey,

I've taken a lot of tests like that. Just different antisocial personality tests. And i had kind of a prestigious therapist for a few years in manhattan, which, looking back, was a huge time sink. Almost completely useless, in many ways detrimental. That said, i used to get all sorts of results on those tests.. My dominant disorder was psychopathy. followed by sociopathy. followed by narcissism. Again, therapy didn't really do anything for any of that.

Background tho, my parents both left me with my mom's grandparents to pursue there careers when i was about 5. I didn't see my dad again until i was 8 or 9. didn't ever hear from him either until a few months before that. My mom i would see somewhat regularly tho, maybe once a month for a few days. Both are now quite successful in their careers btw, mother is an anesthesiologist and dad is corp exec for a big luxury hotel group (company?).

Anyway, ton of issues came out of that, lot of pain, lot of problems socially. The thing that has helped my growth the most however has probably been meditation. which i started over a year ago.. and its been a pretty dramatic change for me. I've become conscious of a lot of the roots of my issues, which has, in many cases, helped to dissolve those issues, and allow myself to enjoy the process of all this and basically life itself.

So i'm a lot more social and agreeable as a result. Generally more respected. Still pretty flawed, but i've seen significant improvement as a result of the meditation. I imagine you would too if you got into it.

Have a smoking hot girlfriend now btw, my life has really turned up since a year ago..