Went about 3 weeks with basically no contact (we lived together so there were transactions regarding the house that we spoke on), but last Friday she actually texted me about her results from the clinic (Period stress issues she'd been dealing with for months).

It wound up being a good back and forth, she congratulated me on getting a new car and it appeared like things were getting cordial after a very emotional break up.

Fast forward 3 days later, I got the bad news that the dream job I interviewed for was no longer considering me. It was crushing because it was a game-changer for me professionally (it’s something she supported me on for months until the eventual break up)…

In this moment of weakness I emailed her the interviewer’s response and she emailed me back encouraging words, stroking my ego, telling me how talented I am and to never quit. So I broke the limited NC and called her.

It started off casual and fine and then she brought up the relationship. She said some negative stuff, I panicked and went into the “baby I’m sorry, I just want our life back…” – crap, and she predictably got more upset, I started arguing back, guilt tripping, etc. and it turned into some vicious texts back and forth with us each blaming the other.

Her last text was basically I’m blocking your number and emails (don't think she can do that) and that she wants nothing to do with me anymore and to never contact her again. Also she doesn’t love me anymore (which is bull shit since just a month ago she told me how deeply in love she still is)...

We were together 5 years. This is our 2nd major break up…I let my stupid ass emotions get the best of me and took a situation that may have been improving and turned it into to this…

So am I done guys? Can I re-institute NC or any other tactic? Am I dead in the water?
The entire 3 weeks I had been coping thru exercise and family to not let this get to me, the job situation got me into a desperate mode and I fucked up the tactic...

First off...I feel for you man.

That being said, even if it's not done you need to act like it is. The gym and being around family is a good start. Get out and do more fun stuff and create good memories right now. See yourself as the guy that is going to get that dream job and have your self worth revolve around you without her.

I doubt the conversations with her are over. When they restart again, don't fall into the trap of the relationship talk. Once you do that, you've put her back in the drivers seat and in control of the outcome. She wants you to want her but only on her terms(at least that's my opinion). Turning this around will require you getting things on your terms, or at least a happy medium, but you can't just show her your cards up front.

If it wasn't such a long relationship, I would be saying to move on. If it wasn't a good relationship for all those years, which I can't tell from your description, I would suggest moving on.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

You had some high hopes for this gig and the bottom fell through. Understandable your anxiety shot-up so it didn't take much to be triggered at her apparent judgments towards your relationship.

Want some life-changing advice? Here goes:

NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT ANOTHER PERSON THINKS OF YOU, U'LL LIVE MUCH LONGER THAT WAY ~ Marshall Rosenberg, NVC

What does he mean by this? When a person is laying fault, judgment, or any sort of evaluation towards you they are in their head and disconnected from their needs. Rosenberg often phrases this as a "tragic expression of an unmet need".

My last girlfriend, on several occasions, ended off telling me she'd never contact me again, was over me etc.. only to return months later fawning over me telling me how much she missed me, how she couldn't get me out of her mind every morning and on and on.

I think what you can do is take responsibility for your end and write her a letter or email and take ownership of your reactivity towards her, and do so earnestly.

Beyond that I would let things simmer, and by that DO NOTHING (with exception of getting on with your life).


You've been together 5 years and broke up twice. I am curious to know why the breakups and what brought you back to her?

I don't understand the relevance for doing this. The rest sure.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

"I started arguing back, guilt tripping, etc"

"I started arguing back, guilt tripping, etc"

Taking ownership isn't weakness, if he engaged in it he owns up to his part irrespective of what she does.

Clearer, I'm texting a couple girls right now, brains kinda sloppy SPAM.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

No.

Speak of the devil...soon after this post she texted me a response to my last text yesterday... Which is "odd" since she was never going to contact me again...so I guess this is actually a prime time to ask for possible replies...( The first words of her text: "Boo fucking Whoo" gotta laff sometimes)

I was gonna take the high road and say basically: "I accept the breakup and I'm just gonna move on and try to be the best I can be, please don't contact me again unless it's about the house matters"...my last text was tic for tat guilt trippin (where I put a lot of blame on her that I never really mentioned before) so she's coming right back at me but I don't want to escalate this any further (if that's the advice)....

Again I'm surprised she responded when she just said she was done ever contacting me again...so as soon as I hit her like I don't care I get a text back...and this one was brutal and vicious...love and hate man,so intertwined...

Don't feed into it. Ignore. It's baited.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Exactly. Responding to negative texts like this is putting you into her control. If you respond to anything, only respond to positive or at the very least cordial communications.

Understand that she's trying to illicit an emotion from you to get a response. Whatever resentment is between the two of you isn't allowing her to try to get a positive emotion.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

So I'm confused (Her unexpected text back makes it more confusing)...Do I write the email/letter confirming my acceptance of the break up (Taking ownership before officially moving on), then go into full NC mode again, or just NC mode starting right now, only dealing with her for house/bill matters?

If she thinks you guys are broken up, why do you feel the need to communicate that information to her? You have no choice but to accept it. Don't contact her unless it has something to do with the house or bills.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

^Sorry I was referring to the earlier advice given to me up top...

Man let this one fucking go.

I read the older posts and this is like the 5th breakup after cheating at least twice. And even in those you couldnt keep your story straight. Its done. Move on. Frankly, at damn near 40, you're not emotionally mature for a relationship so sort that shit out before entering a new one. You're erratic, manipulative and I truly feel sorry for this chick.

A chick breaks up with you, its a BREAK UP. 5 Fucking break ups in 5 years, shit isn't working simple as that. You are not ready for a relationship because you're so mentally unstable and have so little emotional intelligence you brush off the dysfunction and problems. There is always a reason for you. There is a reason why you cheated on her once. There was a reason why you cheated on her again. There is a reason why she left that you can fix. Its not 5 break ups..."its just the 2nd MAJOR one"...that changes everything (rolls eyes). Let the chick move on from this dysfunction. Fuck "no contact". ....No contact is when you think there's a chance. Move on. You really want to go no contact so she reaches out again? So you 2 reconcile for the 6th time? So something else comes along to throw it off course again? Let the shit go. Its a bad relationship and youve done too much at this point. Also, lifestyle-wise you 2 dont even share the same goals. Maybe its the age difference, maybe its your issues, maybe its the fact that she's lazy...whatever the case move the fuck on. Not "no contact"...move...the...fuck...on....