So it just hit me, I'm turning 20 today and I have never had sex. I have never touched a girl before, I haven't had a friend for 7 years. I've known about PU for 5-6+ years, I have yet to do a single approach. I can't smile, I can't laugh and I'm serious all the time. I don't even own a phone or any social media, I sit on my ass and play games all day long. Nowadays I hardly shower, maybe once or twice a week and I wear clothes I work out with (been going on for the past 2 years (sometimes clothes even got paint on it)). I can't even hold a conversation at this point, forgotten how to and I have hardly opened my mouth at all the past 5 years. I don't even listen to music, except for things in games and sometimes youtube, i'm clueless when it comes to music. I don't listen to it on my free time or when I don't have anyhting to do (don't own a phone, even if I did I probably wouldn't). I don't have any social hobbies, I don't watch any TV or do whatever the kids do these days. I have never been to a party before and never tasted alcohol. Im below average looking.

I just can't hold a conversation, I don't know what to say. I can only talk when I use scripts like if I would order something. Even when I ask my teacher I need to have a script of what to say to whatever possible response the teacher has otherwise I fuck up.

I have forgotten how to smile, I never smile, ever. It's likeI don't know how to do it. The last time I laughed in a social setting was 3 years ago, I was the only one laughing....... I need to learn how to laugh, I need to learn how to have fun. I'm so serious and the expression on my face is so serious that I have even got a comment on it from a complete stranger at he gym. He said, " why are you so serious all the time"?, I just ignored him and walked away because I didn't know what to do or say. (keep in mind that I have never said or done anything in the gym that would make him say something like that).

I remember like 7 years ago, that's when my social skills started to go down dramatically. I stopped initiating conversations with people and they stopped doing it to me. I would always answer as short as humanly possible to any questions. You know how someone sometimes talk for 30 sec to tell a story or something? I can't do that, the past 7 years the longest period of time I've been in charge of saying something was probably only for 5 seconds max. People probably took at as that I didn't want to talk to them which wasn't really true)

I don't have asperger or anything that would make it harder for me to socialize than any other average person. I was just shy growing up. I also don't think I ever had "fun" being with people. I would rather stay home play video games than be social.

The only one I've been talking to the past years is my mother (a few times a week) and people on the internet, only reason I'm able to talk to my mother is because she hard carries the conversation and I know her very well.

If some of you randomly met me yesterday on the street and stroke up a conversation I don't think any of you would say I was crazy or fucked up, all of you would probably say I was pretty awkward though unless you are extremely comfortable around awkward people...... Some of you would call me weird...but not crazy I think.

I remember watching some rsd tyler video a few years back. He was talking about harcore newbies, and how long it would take them to get laid, get a gf etc. He was talking about years. He was describing what a hardcore newbie was and I'm like... I'm 10 times as worse as a hardcore newbie. This is becoming a huge problem. I don't want to be like that when I am 25, at that point I might even be worse if I don't help myself. I was always super lazy when it came to destroying bad habits, like studying, was always too lazy, low on energy etc, when it came to PU, I've thought about doing an approach every single day for 5 years in my life. But I have yet to do one. I thought that if it would take me 3 years to get laid, why not start tomorrow? And like that it went. All this time I knew what would happend if I didn't do anything., but I didn't. I was lacking the energy and confidence, still not an excuse though

Am I depressed? I am not sure. I don't know the definition of it. I've been like this the past 8 years. And the 12 first years of my life I can't even remember much of, so at this point it's pretty much my whole life. I'm a pretty negative, sad and miserable person though. I can still enjoy myself when I play games, eat a good meal, smack off to porn etc (which is pretty much everyday). If you asked my mother if I was depressed I'm not even sure of what she would have said. Maybe just the average shy kid who doesn't say much. I sometimes have some good and deep conversations with her which probably makes her think I'm more average as I can actually "socialize."

I got a few questions, am I depressed? How does feeling deperessed feel and how is it to not be depressed?

How come I'm not fucked up yet? We have all heard about the person who isolate himself and don't talk with people and becomes crazy. Is it because I still talk with my mother, with people on the internet etc. Is it because I actually sometimes go out in daylight and listen to strangers conversations and the voices of other human beings? Is it a combinations of all these or is it simply because I've been aware of this possibility the past 7 years.

What would be my first step to become social? (except for showering (don't own any better clothes btw)

About the title and the first sentence.... It didn't really just hit me......

You can get caught-up more in the minutia by thinking, and OVER thinking this. Paralysis by analysis.

Or, you can get out there and start saying "hi" to people and seeing where the adventure takes you.

Remember. Whether your'e right or wrong, you're right (as Henry Ford would say). In other words, if you believe it to be true (you're a 'depressed' person), it will be true/your reality. Instead of focusing on what you can't or haven't done (which is dogmatic thinking and unhealthy), focus more on what you CAN do about your current situation.

Internet interactions are enticing for shy people because they do afford some level of anonymity AND its also easier to disclose personal things as a 'disembodied' entity rather than doing it face to face and gauging a person's overall respond to you (the non verbals). You're going to have to shake things up a bit, and push yourself out your comfort zone for there to be change. For any growth to occur, there will be growing pains of sorts. In this instance its befriending fear and not allowing it to dictate how you live while at the same time acknowledge that it is there.

You're only 20 man.

You have a lot more life to live, but you damn sure have a whole lot of catching up to do.

Where are you located?

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You sound like me a few years ago. Thankfully I joined the military and am a nurse, therefore my shyness and people skills were forced to change. You should think about enlisting. it will force you to do something with yourself. How are your grades? College?

You need bright and colorful experiences in your life in order for your memory to get a work out. The brain forms into the things that you train it to. IE if you sit around playing games only, that's all it's going to work with. If you go outside, run around the park and meet 5 new people, go have lunch at a place you never been, talk to an old friend, go to a bar and talk to a new person, all in the same day; which brain will get a better work out and be ready to lift more?

If you don't use a skill, you'll lose it (smiling, talking). Go in the mirror and practice smiling. Regardless of what your teeth look like, smiling is critical to communicate a positive personality. As for talking, guess what? You need practice. Try to find a wing, it will help. Why? See next paragraph. It is a common connection to another human.

I just read an article about how humans HAVE to have connections with other people. It's actually more important than sex, imagine that! Kids DIE if deprived of human connection, adults become depressed and suicidal when deprived... http://www.avoiceformen.com/sexual-poli ... ttachment/
You're depriving yourself...

You are probably on the cusp of initial depression. The reason you're not completely fucked up yet is that pattern hasn't gone on long enough. If you stay this way, you will likely want to kill yourself at some point. How do I know? I've been there. Funny about how all this is about choice? Choose not to change your behavior and expect a different result = insanity.

Stop jerking it. I notice a pretty big difference (may be all psychological - either way it's worth) in my drive to do ANYTHING ELSE if I don't wack. Reward yourself with jerking if you actually work on one of these deficiencies, and do it once a week at max.

What do you expect feeling sorry for yourself is going to fix it??

You have to take action dude. You have to go out there and do it.

No one is going to hold your hand.

I do suggest you to take baby steps though.

Start out by saying hi and giving a girl a compliment.

Once you're comfortable with that go to bars/clubs
and start flirting.

But stop feeling sorry for yourself. No girl wants to see that.

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